Journey to the South

Winter break. Two magical words that I had been waiting since the second week of fall semester. This semester was one crazy semester. Seriously. It was nothing extraordinary compared to last semester but the workload was tripled. Meetings on weekends and coming home at midnight at least twice a week was a norm. I thought the hectic life ended when the exam ended, but boy, how wrong I could be.

The last paper ended on Wednesday, December the 2nd, but I have 2 personal papers that need to be submitted before 7 December. The worst part was, I already booked my vacation on 6th December. Between 2 and 5 December, I have to finish 2 papers, packed for the vacation and cooked for my friends pot luck party. Lucky for me, Zainal was in-charged in planning the vacation (after uncountable nagging from me).

We planned to start driving at 7am on the 6th. At 4am that day, I decided I couldn't finished my report before we departed from Durham. This report would be continued during the journey. So I slept and got myself a good 2 hours of sleep.

Yeay! Crossed Florida border. That's means it's not far away.. Haha..

Due to the lack of sleep, I ended up sleeping half of the journey to Orlando. Pity my driver but I couldn't help it. Hehe. We checked into our hotel at 6pm and after quick rest we headed out for dinner and some shopping at outlets. I need to find a new travel handbag*.

The restaurant, Slim Orlando's Phillysteak and Gyro was not bad, with lot of choices t reasonable price. I like that restaurant as it was near to our hotel and Disney World.

After that we went to the Premium Outlet as I wanted to go to LeSportSac for my new travel handbag. The store has a lot of designs but the sales girl was so unfriendly and arrogant. If not because I really wanted that bag, I will ditch that store and go other store.s She arrogantly told me that this was the final sales and couldn't be returned. I was like WTH? It's not even a clearance item.

We walked around for awhile before headed back to our hotel. Zainal continued reading about the plans for tomorrow and I continued finishing my report. At 12 am, I submitted my report and that was the end of fall semester and the beginning my long await vacation.

*travel handbag = light, not so big when there's not so many thing inside yet big enough to put all the necessary stuff when needed including purse, camera and a small bottle of water without looking bulky, with zipper, water-resistant and most importantly, still stylish enough to go anywhere. With this description, I fell in love with LeSportSac Greta. I used to have one before, a small Elle backpack, it went anywhere with me, from Europe to Middle East. In fact it's still in good condition but my style has matured a little and I think I need a new one. Haha.

One of those days

I woke up today feeling confused, disoriented and empty about my future. I don't know what I want, what I like and what would I do. Everything seems so vague.

I was so sure yesterday.

So I'm going to climb back the bed and cuddle in his arm. At least my trouble will go away, for now.

Thanksgiving and Black Friday

I haven't updated this blog for ages and the last post wasn't a real post. Anyway, just want to share my first Thanksgiving and Black Friday experience.

My friend Yusy suggested that we should have a potluck on Thanksgiving day. So the 9 of us representing ourselves from Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia and Korea got together at her house ate like crazy. Yusy cooked soto betawi that tasted so good, she purposely bought halal beef so that me and Zainal can eat too. How thoughtful. I brought rotisserie chicken that I bought from Al Madina. I didn't have time to cook so I just bought something. Hehe. Then that night William baked S'mores which we ate with Ben & Jerry's. Delicious!

After the dinner, two of the our friends left early as they were so concerned about exams, we started to strategise our Black Friday target. Then this Korean guy who definitely knew more outlets and brands that I do started to give crazy idea that we should go to Delaware for tax free sales. Yusy got so excited that I almost believe that they would drove there for 5 hours just for that sales. Hehe.

We went home and tried to sleep early so that we can wake up at 4 am. We woke up at 4.30am, drove to Walmart and found out it's already opened. The line at Best Buy which was opposite Walmart still long. Found Yusy and she told me that William and her boyfriend already in the store and she couldn't got in. Pity her. I brainwashed her to get herself Corelle and she bought 2 set of it. Hehe.

Walmart was crazy full of people. Since I already knew what I wanted, we proceed directly to all the items that we need. We got ourselves winter boots, which going to be perfect for skiing trip next January for only $7.

After that we went to the REI shop to be the first 200 people to get free gift card ($5, $50 or $100). We saw few people in front the store at 6.30 am and the store opened at 8 pm. We decided that we still have time to go elsewhere and find ourselves jamming Rock Band at Best Buy instead. All the blockbuster items at Best Buy was sold out and I don't find any deals that really really cheap. So we just walked around and decided that we should start lining up at REI.

There weren't a lot of people at REI so we started to line up 30 minutes before that. In all the days, this was the coldest fall morning. At last the door opened and when I looked inside the bag, I only got $5. So do Zainal and the rest of the crowd. Cisssssss. Warmed ourselves up and left the shop dissapointed.

Next stop was Southpoints. Initially we went there to get our breakfast and ended up walking around. At Macy's we found $9.99 extra large electric grill. After I cooked teriyaki roast chicken yesterday, Zainal said we should buy this. And we did. Anddd..... Zainal found a Tommy Hilfiger leather jacket for only $99, discounted from $450. There's only 2 piece left, S and XXL. He tried the S size and it was perfect! I said that he should buy this, as it was so cheap and he did. OMG, that's the best deal for today and I'm so happy coz I know he's been eyeing a leather jacket before this. This was Tommy and genuine leather at an affordable price. No wonder the whole rail was empty. Hehe.

Then, we were too tired to walk around and I felt everything didn't look good anymore. We decided to go home and sleep.

Now, wide awake, I was thinking of hitting Old Navy next. Haha.

But did you know that today is also Hari Raya Haji? I felt bad not feeling like a Raya day at all. =(

It's easier to shop now!

Do you want to buy anything from Amazon.com or ebay.com and discovered they didn't ship to Malaysia?

Well, fret not. Zainal is helping you out by ordering for you to our house in US and then send it all in one bulk to Malaysia with minimal handling fees.

All you have to do is follow this steps:

1.) Give me the link of the item that you wanted.

2.) I'll quote on the price of the item including shipping cost.

3.) Confirm the order and make full payment.

4.) I'll start ordering from Amazon or Ebay.

5.) Receive item from Amazon or Ebay.

6.) Gather all item until the final order date.

7.) Start shipping the items.

8.) Distribute the items.

Orders are now OPEN

Will be closing on 15/11/09


FAQ

1.) Orders can be done by sending email to me smallz1907@gmail.com

2.) The estimate time for the shipment is around 14 business days. 9 days for shipment of the item to my US address (to save shipping cost) and 5 days shipping to Malaysia. I will be using Fedex as my primary shipping method to Malaysia.

3.) The cost is calculated by adding the item cost, the shipping cost(international and domestic charges) and handling charges multiply by the currency rate.

4.) The currency rate will be based on Maybank exchange rate and will be quoted based on the day of trading.

5.) For item in Ebay, only select the "buy now" item as i won't bid for you.

6.) When the item arrive in Malaysia, you can COD the item at Subang Jaya only. Please confirm if you want to COD or mail to you the item before i quote the price for you.


T & C

1.) Illegal items will not be entertained.

2.) All item sold are not refundable.

3.) Once payment had been made, orders are final.

4.) If the item is being taxed by the customs, the charges will be divided among us.

5.) Any doubts or questions, please don't hesitate to PM or email me at smallz1907@gmail.com


Btw, if you want to order something from Victoria's Secret or Corelle (it's really cheap here) you can also send you link to him. And those of you who wanted to send anything to Malaysia from here, you can ask send too. Send us email to know how you can save on shipping.

We are only human, but too many errs are way too much to handle, isn't it?

Human sometimes really can test your patience. That's why we are called human at the first place, don't we? These are few things that really pissed me off about human that I've been contacted with:

1. Who thinks that coming to US for my masters degree is like going to vacation. They would said, "How wonderful you got to travel. Oh, I need vacation too." First of all, it's not a vacation. How do you feel to be living alone (these past 1.5 days I'm not alone anymore) with no family and friends yet need to struggle everything from minimal allowance, unpredictable weather to scarce Halal food. Not to mention the stress and pressure of grad school? Though I looked happy posting pictures in FB travelling around the US, that's like 5% of the days that was captured and the other 95% wasn't all sunshine and rainbow. (Got the feeling Disney holiday need to be scraped as budget is not permitting again. Oh well.)
   
2. Someone who complained that they never had enough everything yet they did stuff that surely not for someone who didn't have enough >insert whatever they complain<. For example they said that the money that they get is not enough, yet they went shopping spree like there is no tomorrow. Rasa nak tikam je orang macam ni. Menyampah ok. I don't mind if they rich and have the money to spend, but to complain about not having enough but actually have the money to spend is like what my mom always said "tak syukur nikmat".
   
3. Someone who like to exaggerate every problem that they had. Like wow, their problems were worse than every country in the world problem's combined. And when they survived that problem, they told their success story like they won a Nobel prize without any help of others. Shithead.
   
4. Someone who told the world like they are the best in everything no matter what area or they have the best thing in the world like nobody has what they have. Like when someone they know good in photography, they would be better than that guy and when other people said that he is good in landscaping, suddenly they acclaimed that they are good in landscaping too. WTH?
5. Someone that used the third people (which is someone who is related to the person that they are complaining about) to complain about the other person. For example they have problem with their friends but complained to their mom (!) about that person when they can just talk to their friends. It's their friends btw, why involved parents? That the worst thing I ever encountered at the age of 26. This is not pre-school or primary school ok. So when you have problem with your spouse, you'll complain to your mother-in-law also instead of discuss between both of you? Hah!
   

Ok, I'm in fussy mood right now. Thus this rage leashing post was written. So sometimes I rather be quiet and considered no idea rather than being annoying people that people hate. Thank you.

Ps: Ya Allah, semoga Kau jauhiku dari sikap begini jugak.

Human Bias

Two situations that I have encountered not so recently.

Situation 1

Person X: I couldn't imagine not being close to your own mother. I talked to my mom everyday and we are very close. I pitied her for not being close to her mother. *

Situation 2

Person Y: I couldn't imagine that you have to talk to your mother everyday. It must be suffocated to tell everything to your mom everything. She must felt like she's been controlled.*

Situation 3

Me (thinking): Funny how we evaluated people based on our own bias. We think people are reacting the same way as we feel without we step into their shoes to understand their position. What worse is when we have this bias and we act on trying to 'free' the supposedly 'suppressed' people. For example when the Westerners cried the movement to free the Muslim women who has to cover their body. They said that it's against human right and they should be allowed to flaunt their body which they are restricted from.

First of all, do they think that this Muslim women feel that they are being suppressed as they have to cover all their body? From my opinion, I don't feel like I'm being forced to wear what I'm wearing. I even feel freer than my peers who have to wear sexy clothes just to feel sexy. I felt like they are the victims here as they have to follow the latest fashion, suffer in those tight, short and uncomfortable clothes. You think it's pleasant to wear a tube in the cold fall weather? Now you answer me.

So the conclusion is each life experience gives different impact on different people. Knowing that, we shouldn't made judgment based on our own experiences only. Think deep.


*Not the exact words but the have the same meanings as original. Person X was talking about Person Y and Person Y was talking about Person X.

** For me, I rather have my mom calls me often. Last semester my mom called me everyday but this semester she cut it to once a week since she felt that I'm doing better now. But I love to have her calling me 2-3 times a week.

*** Writing this me made me missed my mom psychology lectures that she loved to give me. Haha. I should take minor in psychology. It's interesting.

Confused

Sometimes some feelings are best left as secrets.

But too many feeling kept inside is not good too.

So what should one do?

Raya 2009

Oh, I was 1 hour late for my 30th Syawal entry. Well, like anybody care kan. I can actually change the posted date but I'm following Duke Honor Code and will not do that. Hehe.

Anyway, I couldn't believe how fast the months go by. One day you were fasting in Ramadhan and now Raya was over.

Well, Raya was not as bad as I thought it would be. Bad by what I meant was like I would cried furiously when talking to my mom or Zainal but I found out that I shred only few tears this year. *Grinned proudly*. Maybe I was expected how it's going to be, so when things happened as what you expected, you more or less knew what to react.

Even though I promised myself not to listen to any Raya songs, but the night before the Raya, during the cooking session in Ainul's house, we opened YouTube and indulged ourselves in happy Raya songs only. At one time, when all the happy songs were done, we switched over to Sinar FM. Haha. That night I tried to call my mom for so many times but no avail which pissed me off that at that moment I feel kind of left out from the family.

The morning of Raya, I didn't go to the Raya prayer as everyone wasbusy with assignments and I thought I should do my assignments too as I have meeting at 2pm (yup, on Raya day). However, surprisingly, when I woke up that morning, the sadness of not Raya at home was actually felt tremendously. I felt so alone and started to shred few tears. I texted Zainal and as usual he replied by asking me to be strong. Immediately I went to take my shower and the sadness feeling gone. Now it was replaced with the panic feeling that I haven't prepared anything for my meeting.

So Malaysians at Raleigh had some potluck that evening and I joined them after my Skype meeting. The 2 hours at the potluck that made me felt like I actually celebrating Raya. Laughter, food and fimiliar faces is what Raya is all about.

Then Raya was forgotten all the way until 3rd October when MSD did a open house at Malaysian Embassy. It was alright. I met a lot of new people and the food was okay I guess. Nothing to shout about. That was the second moment in Syawal that I felt like Raya.

Well, that was how the Raya felt and celebrated this year. No bunga api, not ketupat made from daun kelapa, no mak & abah, no hubby, no brothers, no nieces, no uncles & aunties & cousins & grandmas, only friends and myself.

It's ok, at least I've experienced something new.

Ps: Would love to write more and post some pictures, but project management is calling me, like always.

Crap not crab

When I said this is a crazy semester, I really meant it. I have been camping out until 12am at the MEM computer cluster for 2 days straight now. And 4 days for this week (we took a break on Friday night, if not it would be 5 days straight).

I have presentation tomorrow and Wednesday. I love my groups but this is our last week together for both groups. I hope I get as good as these or better. I hope. Coz group members can make or break you.

I know my postings lately didn't make any sense to anybody except myself. I promised to write about my first raya away family on the 30th Syawal (I hope I don't forget).

When can I find some time to send my job applications ni?

Letih... but the reward after coming home at midnight is having to skype with him even though what I said didn't make any sense to any of us any more due to my brain jammed. I hope time flies faster for him but slower for my finance take home test submission.

I better stop right now because I'm crapping.

Crazy shit

The right bar counting down to the 27th October. I didn't even notice that coz in my head and my heart, I have my personal countdown counter ticking every second.

All my heart wasn't here anymore. Not in class, not at home, not in anywhere that I've been and not in anywhere I would be. It's focused on 27th October at RDU at 6.30pm. Every night before I sleep all I can picture is I'm greeting him at arrival gate. Over and over again. I never get bored and tired.

All I want is the day to come faster. I don't care that I have a mid-term paper to submit that day, I don't care my job search was in stagnant phase and my house in a mess. I want him badly.

Heart can hold the emotions to some extend and after that it just can't take it no more. It want it now and it want it badly. Not only heart but the whole body, every cells, every nerves and every thought wants him badly.

And I hate this project management course that take single hour and day of my life. For some reason I feel nak muntah dengan project management ni. That's remind me I have another meeting tonight. 4 days in the row right now. Crazy shit.

Miss them so much

I missed these 2 favourite guys of mine.

One is coming in a month I hope and the one I'm not sure when I ever gonna see him.


Cepat la datang!

Salam Aidil Fitri

Raya is approaching. First time in my life I celebrate Raya without any family member with me. What sadden me most, this is my second Raya as a wife but my husband is not with me. But nevermind, InsyaAllah next year there will be another Raya for us.

So this year no new baju raya for me. Accidently I'm planning to wear the same baju raya as last year. Well, biarlah. Since no baju raya, so I thought maybe I can buy raya shoes. I saw one last 2 weeks, Aldo has a sale and it's rare that the heel height was perfect for me. But, there's no size for me. They volunteered to order for me but I don't want that the ordered size was not right for me. So I passed. When I think about it, I could just let them ordered and bought it. If it's not ok, I can always return that shoes. Since then, I didn't see any shoes that I like. Yeah, I know, I'm very fussy in buying my shoes. That's why my collection is not as many as normal women would have. Hehe.

Oh, I'm looking forward for dadih that I'm going to cook for Raya. I love dadih and I miss dadih so much. I remember last Ramadhan, I'll buy dadih from bazaar Ramadhan everyday which drive Zainal crazy coz I would asked him to drive to pasar Ramadhan even just for dadih only. That's before I discovered how easy and cheap cooking your own dadih (which is after Raya). So when I knew it, as you can guess, 1/4 of our fridge was filled with dadih. At some point, we have to throw away coz it has turned bad. Huhu.

Lastly, I would like to wish everybody Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri. Maaf Zahir & Batin ye...

The Making of a Great Bed

When I said it's a great bed, it is because I assembled them alone. The steps of assembling it was pretty easy. But when you do it alone with heavy oak that weighs like tonnes, it become very challenging. I had to use a tissue box as a wedge to level the frame so that it would be easily screwed. A good engineer would said that it was one stupid idea as the tissue box managed to hold it for good 5 minutes before it decided that it's too much to handle. Hehe.

The second challenging aspect of this process that deserved a post on his own that I need to finish it before break fast and at that time it was already 7 pm. I managed to finish it on time but the consequences was I have to eat frozen pizza for breakfast and Maggi for sahur.

The pieces that ready to be assembled by the great engineer-not-in-practice. Haha.The finished product. A full size bed. It's a very good deal that I get from Duke librarian that wanted to get rid of this thing from her house. The mattress is still firm and comfortable. It felt like never been used. But don't worry, I'll be using it a lot.

The bed with my new 100% Egyptian cotton and 320 thread count bed sheet. I love white colour bed sheet because it looked so tempting to get on the bed and sleep. The brown comforter match the carpet accidently. Hehe. I'll find a matching duvet cover soon. =)

Credit to William for helping me carried this to my room. And driving U-Haul truck without a license. And showed me how easy to drive a truck. I wish a have a picture of myself driving it. Hehe.

Luahan

I have no time to cook for iftar or sahur. But if I don't cook, I don't eat. I don't want to eat Maggi & frozen pizza like yesterday. But assignments need to send tomorrow.

I wish I had somebody to help me out right now.

Salam Ramadhan

This is not the first time I'm not fasting in Malaysia. But this is the first time I fast alone. Like with no family members or roommates or housemates to share iftar and sahur.

The last 5 days I was strong. I took it as dinner and during sahur I too sleepy to think. But today, my heroic self cracked. I felt so lonely. I wish I was eating with someone. It's impossible to wish that I can break my fast with my husband or family at this time but having someone to eat with would be something possible. Today, even Chuck couldn't take my loneliness away. He always teman me eating my iftar.

Again, this semester, there's no Muslim Malaysian aka Malay in Duke that I knew of. After Dian went back to Malaysia (after I only knew her 2 months before Spring Semester ended), I'm the sole survivor in Duke.

Well, I know I can do this. I'm going to Raleigh tomorrow after 'Night with Industries' event. At least there are a lot of Malaysians someone to break the fast with.

Oh, I wish all my friends Salam Ramadhan Al-Mubarak. May this month bring more goodness in us and chance to us to ibadah more.

Ps: I missed going to terawih with my husband. =( And I missed Bazaar Ramadhan too... but not as much as I missed him.

I wish for this feeling again

With regulator in the mouth, trusting my whole life on this small device and heavy tank behind my back, I slowly let go myself backward into the water. For the moment, everything was very confusing. All I heard was my breathing, with small bubbles in front of me and vast of blue water surround me. I was on my head down and slowly my body turned automatically and my head up again while I resurfaced. Having said that, that's the most beautiful feeling I had.

When everything made sense again, slowly I sank again. This time I was aware of everything around me. The small creatures that I saw on the surface enlarging every few seconds. Within seconds, I was facing them face to face.

As I glided slowly, kicking my legs constantly, I was lost in this magical kingdom. Everything seems surreal; so many colours and so many species. I praised Almighty for this His creations.

Without I knew it, I lost in this beautiful moment. Every single species was my first time. encounter. I awed at their beauty and they finesse. They swam at their own pace and ignored my presence. I felt like I was one of them. At that moment, I never felt so calm in this eerie silence open space. For once I wish I could stay longer and enjoy every minutes of it.

Then the signal that my time in this heaven on earth was up was shown. While I slowly submerged to the surface, I wept sad goodbye to this place. I promised to come again and hopefully they will wait for me without changing any of these.

As I surfaced, large waves pushed me around. Suddenly this whole ocean felt overwhelming and I felt like an ant drowning in a cup of water. I saw my destination and swam with all my energy. But the waves continuously pushing me away. I worked extra hard. In the last few steps to my destination, the tank that I trust my life with has become a liability for me to achieve my destination. I realized that was the real life I was facing throughout all my life and not the magical kingdom that I just left few moments ago.

End of 2nd internship

I ended my 1.5 months internship last Tuesday. This time around was different. Back then when I was in my undergraduate years and first time doing internship, my objectives and view of working world was different. Now with 2 years experience in my pocket, my main objective was completely different.

Strangely I didn't miss anything about this internship. Except free flow of Milo and occasionally free ice-cream. I was parked in Operations department in HQ. I had experience working with production people before and all I can said that they are different species from other departments. In a good or bad way, I won't say. They have to deal with all kind and level of people, machines and expectations. So they have special capabilities to balance and survive in that condition. The capabilities that I haven't mastered yet especially when my natural personalities quite opposite of that capabilities. Maybe I wasn't meant for production.

However, having to witness two different level of manufacturing company; one is the largest pharmaceutical company in Malaysia and one is the largest food manufacturing company in the world was a priceless experience. I only toured one day of the latter's factory to find the huge gap in the management system of the production line. No wonder they are the largest in the world while the other one struggling to stay on top in Malaysia.

This is what I like about internship. You be able to find out what is like to work in a company without actually being commit to work there permanently. You'll get to learn the whole company structures from inside and experience the environment to judge whether you want to work there someday or not. But the downside of it, you'll be bullied around and will not taken seriously.

The experience from my first internship had made me reluctant to work there after I graduated even though my ex-boss asked me to send resume and come for interview on my last semester. But this second internship, I'll be glad to join the company after I end my study. The funny thing I realized while doing this second internship was that at the end of 2nd week of internship, I achieve every objectives that I set before starting it which was so different during the first internship where I wanted to learn everything which sometimes I didn't even know what I wanted to know.

However, there were few things that I really missed when this latest internship ended. I missed the daily commute with my husband, daily lunch and occasional peek from him when he came to 4th floor. I missed his unexpected visit to my desk with nasi lemak or Kit Kat to share with me. I missed the walk to nasi lemak stall every morning for breakfast while talking and sharing stories. This internship was perfect for me. I get to learn new experince at the same time I can spend more time with my husband.

I wish for more time with him but I have to fly again this Thursday.

Not ready

10 more days...

Everything still in chaos.

Still no house to stay.

Don't feel like going back again.

I'm not ready at all.

Then again, was I ever ready before?

My own camera case

Project no 2 done. My own camera case / bag. Actually I really need a camera case since the one that I got for free was terrible. Why? First of all, it has 'Konica' brand in front of it. I don't think Konica produced digital camera. All I can remember about Konica is their 35mm film. Secondly which is the worst one is the free camera case actually shredding and the tiny shredded black thing stuck at my camera. It really pissed me off.

I wanted to buy a new one but I found nothing that I like. They are either too small to fit my camera or too expensive and bulky which I don't like. So after succesfully sewing my own laptop sleeve, I thought why not sewing my own camera case.

After procrastinated about more than 1 week, on one lazy Sunday, I decided to finish up the camera case. I took me around 2 hours to finish it. Introducing my camera bag..

I really like the fabric design that I used it for outside and inside. I bought this fabric at IKEA. This time I only used fleece fabric as middle cushion without addition sponge which made my sewing life so much easier.

What I really really like about this is I can wear it to look like it's a sling bag. So I don't look like a tourist with big bulky camera bag. It's also can be keep in the handbag if I just want to carry the camera without it as it's slim yet thick enough to protect the camera.
However, I forgot to make a zip pocket at the back of the bag. I already bought the zipper and studied how to sew it. But then 1 hour after I finished this bag, then I realized, where the hell is my pocket? Damn. It's ok, I think I'll hand sew it. I want a pocket to put additional memory card and battery (not that I have it, but for future usage).

Finally, my favourite part of this bag....
Personalize with my hubby and my name!! (I put his name in front coz I found out his one is neater than my name. Ceh.)

Anyone want one?

Enjoying now

In life, you have to learn appreciate small things. Things that might not significant to the course of your life but things that complete your life. Small things that will not get mention in your resume, will not be remembered at your wedding or funeral but things that only can be appreciated by you.

These small things will never get noticed in your everyday life when your life is a routine and you take advantage of everything around you. I used to be like that. I took the advantage of used having the loved ones around me, asking for hugs and kisses whenever I want whether from my husband, my mother or my father, having the convenient of buying food anytime I want and asking for any help whenever I want.

Then I made a huge decision in my life. I went to United States of A to further my study. I left everything that I’m familiar with and deal with all new strange and hostile things. From the weather to food, everything needs extra effort. I need to wear layers to be warm, cook my own food, walked around to get to destination and smile a lot more to make friends.

At that time I realized how much I’ve been pampered. I learned to survive with self-motivation and helps of others. I learned that people can help at some extend only but only you alone can make it happened. I learned that sometimes the people who help you can also make you feel bad at yourself at certain point of time. I learned to deal with it alone.

Now, after 2 months back at home, I tried to absorb and enjoy every little thing that I would be missed in less than a month. Like having a person sleeping next to me every night (ok, I must admit this is not little thing I’ll be missed, this is considered a big thing), having some kutuking session with my siblings, enjoy laugh moment with my mom, jumping on bed session with Choki, dinner with my family every night, window shopping with hubby and many mores.

Oh, shit. I can feel that my eyes are getting watery. Please don’t get emotional right now.

I hope my second term back to the Uncle Sam will not as hard as before. I’ll be familiar with the streets, sights and sounds of Durham even though I know I’ll be missing the people in Malaysia. I just need to be strong and busy myself with works (yup, that what I said before but I ended up curling in bed crying) and don’t think so much about good memories in Malaysia (yeah right, easy said than done) while waiting my other half to come maybe in October or November (please be October, please be October, please be October).

I’ll be welcoming new apartment to live in (no more my bedroom, my world), a new car (maybe 2009 Lancer?), new 4 courses (which already regard by others to be busier than Spring semester coz of Project Management), more new friends (as most of the old ones already graduating), new weather (summer!), alone cheap shopping, online shopping and more serious in searching for jobs (ok, I didn’t try to search for jobs at all last semester). And of course, InsyaAllah, road trip at the end of the year! Oh, I want to dive there too. And if money is not a problem, I want to skydive too. So many things to do but not enough money. Haha

Good luck to me! (for my second term)
And I got another 23 days before I’m off again to the far away land.

Harry Potter & his magic

Are you are one of the millions Harry Potter books reader? Do you have this thinking-of-reading-the-book-again-after-you-watched-the-latest-Harry-Potter syndrome? If you are like me who has not so good memory, you will find that there’s so many interesting plot in the book that screenwriter didn’t include in the movie but you can’t pointed out what plot was that. Then again, every plot in the Harry Potter book series is interesting. So there uneasy feeling in heart that you want to know what is that and you started to think maybe you should read the book again.

I just watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince last night. All I can remember was that in this book, Dumbledore died. I know somebody killed him but I forgot who and there’s a memorial service (the most memorable part in the book) where all magical creatures who loved him came to give him last respect. I remembered this clearly as I was reading it 4 years ago, I cried foolishly in my college room. Lucky for me my roommate was sleeping and when she woke up she was confused why my eyes were puffed out.

Sadly, the movie didn’t include that part and I really wanted to see all the various creatures in one scene. Well, it’s not important to the storyline actually but I couldn’t remember any other part that should be in it. Hehe. What I vaguely remember is that Harry used a lot of Dumbledore’s Pensieve to see the memories collected by Dumbledore. However, in this movie only few were shown.

I don’t want to give review and rate this movie. Overall it’s enjoyable and I can’t wait for another last two movies. Apparently they made 2 movies out of the last book. Wise idea especially when the book itself is thick (though not the thickest) and it’s the finale of the Harry Potter where many important events happened that need to be captured on screen. However, they have to make sure that they capture the battle scene in the Hogwarts beautifully and the revelation of Snape’s secret imaginatively. Sorry if I spoiled the storyline but who ask you not to read the books? Haha.

To tell the truth, if I don’t read the books and I just watched the movies, maybe after first or second movie, I won’t be interested of watching the next sequel. There are so many stories in the book that made the books really interesting. Unlike Lord of the Ring where you can become a fan by just watching the movies without reading the books (it takes me ages to finish those 3 books. Ok, I didn’t finish reading the last book. It consumed a lot of time when you spend most of time looking for meaning of words in dictionary. Hehe.)

Oh, maybe after the last movie, I’ll read all the 7 books back to back. That would be a total of 4224 pages. Wahhh..

For our 5th wedding anniversary

After coming back from Malaysian International Dive Exhibition (MIDE) 2009 last Sunday, I proposed next diving site to my hubby. What else than the most beautiful diving place on earth, Sipadan Island. That plan is for our 5th year wedding anniversary (just hope I’m not pregnant that time) which will be coming soon in another 3.5 years.

Beside Sipadan, Kapalai, Mabul and Si Amil Island which are situated near to each other would be in our plan. And the best part is, we plan to have liveaboard adventure, where we stay on a boat for the whole 6 days and 6 nights of the vacation. So we would go from a spot to another dive spot without leaving the boat at all. And we can maximize number of dives per day without wasting time going back to the shore and travel back to the boat (even though I doubt I can do more than 3 dives per day without shocking my unfit body).

Currently only one boat that I know that offer that services. The boat is called MV Celebes Explorer that offers that kind of diving experience in that area.

Why wait for another 3.5 years you might ask. The reasons being are

1) Our diving skill is not that good yet since we only did 9 dives. To truly enjoy the underwater world, we need to practice, practice and practice until diving become as easy as breathing without asthma. No more nausea feeling every time my throat get dry, can achieve neutral buoyancy easily, no more problems with equalizing my ears, manage to master other kicks and control how to look at the creature at the close range without having to kick them afterwards (coz trying to balance buoyancy back). Hehe.

Beside that, it would be a waste of money going somewhere that expensive and hard to get permit but end up having spend most of the time trying to perfect diving skills instead of enjoying the marvelous nature.

Do you know that you need to get permit to enter Sipadan? This is what I get from someone name Lyndiane in Lowyat.net Forum on May 8, 2009 (lazy to summarize, so I copy & paste):

“Please remember that to u need a permit to go to Sipadan, no one is excluded: divers, non divers, snorkelers, even the Sabah Parks staff themselves have to have a permit to enter Sipadan Island - (I just recently talked to a Sabah Parks staff last week and he confirmed this). Remember that Sipadan is a protected area/marine park hence the strict regulations. The quota of 120/person daily cannot be exceeded in any way. Because of the high number of divers who come all this way to dive Sipadan, PRIORITY is always given to divers instead of non divers because the demand is higher than the supply. Trust me, it is close to impossible to get a permit if you are not a diver. And obviously because of this reason, permits are NOT issued to students who are merely looking to get qualified as a diver. OW courses are ALWAYS conducted on either Mabul Island or Kapalai island. After they have succesfully completed their OWC and are certified, only then will they be allowed to go diving in Sipadan (that is, of course if they get dive permits for Sipadan by then).That is how it works.

PS: All permits to Sipadan has to go through Sabah Parks. They control (and approve) the permits in order to give everyone a fair chance to dive in Sipadan. Remember there are about 12 resorts around the area and only 120 permits available on a daily basis. That means on average one resort can only send 10 people to Sipadan everyday. If you have 30 people staying in your resort, they will have to use the rotating system in order to have everyone dive in Sipadan. Plus, even the resort have no SAY on who gets to dive Sipadan cos like I said, everything is controlled by the Sabah Parks authorities.”

Some advise to book 6 months before your trip. During our trip to Dayang that day, which was early June, my friend said that all permit already fully booked until end of August. Wahh. I book 3.5 years early, boleh?

2) I assumed in another 3.5 years, I be able to have my underwater camera. Right now I have to forget about it as I find out that underwater casing my Lumix LX-3 costs RM2500 the cheapest, which is RM1000 more expensive than the camera itself. WTH? At this moment I regret of not buying Canon G10 coz G10 underwater casing cost only RM800. Remember I was confused which one should I buy before? Now is the time to feel the regrets. Anyway, I’m happy with my LX-3 right now so I won’t complain much here.

3) The price of the 6 days liveaboard package that I checked this morning is RM5+++. So for two persons would be more than RM10k. I assume in the next 3.5 years the price would gone up to at least RM7k per person. So at least we have some time to save our money so that we can go there.

In second thought, shouldn’t we save money for Hajj? Well, that would be next plan. Since we are in this Hajj topic, I really miss going to Mecca and Medina. I promised myself to go there again only when I have a husband next to me and now that I have a husband, when can I have another chance to go with him to do Umrah? Oh no, why every plan needs so much money? =(

Well, that’s the only reasons I can think of. But in any under circumstances that might lead to expedite the plan, I would be happy to go. =)

Oh, I can’t wait for that trip.

For that, everybody please keeps protecting our environment for our future generations. I have signed my pledge to stop eating turtle’s egg (sangat sedap okay!!) at MIDE that day in front of the WWF booth and I’m happy to say I manage to keep that promise until today (even though there’s a lot of challenges I have to face at home). So when is your turn?

Finally I found the one that fit my face, well, sort of

If you know me long enough, you know that I'm not a follower in tudung trend. Some people would follow religiously with the latest tudung fashion whether how you wear it or what the tudung name and style. For me, if it's not suitable for me, then I'm not going to wear it which I end up wearing the same kind of tudung all the time.

The art of wearing tudung is depends on the individual. Most importantly, you have to know your face. Different type of face needs different style of wearing it. If you have round face like me, you might not wear the tudung closely around your face that accentuates your round face. Instead wear something that elongate your face. If your face is oval, you are lucky coz you can wear anything and still looks good.

That's why I only choose wearing the faithful tudung bawal since the day I wore tudung. Occasionally I wear chiffon scarf which I really don't how to wear it until my mom found an anak tudung that save my life. Gave me any tudung, whether chiffon, silk or whatever type of material, I can wear it easily and beautifully without being stress with that anak tudung. Thank God for that anak tudung, I even look better on my wedding reception day unlike on my nikah day where I looked so chubby and rounded face.

Now, the craze of Ekin tudung which originally popularize by Indonesian has hit our shore. I've tried before and all I can see a chubby version of me in front of the mirror. However, the thought of the ease of wearing it and the kind of material that don't need to be ironed are appealing to me. Few weeks ago, my MIL informed me that there are 2 shops that actually have tudung sizes according to your face.

Just now I went with my hubby at one of the Ariani's branch in Bandar Baru Bangi. MIL already warned me that Ariani's is the most expensive and the second expensive one is Hajaba. Since Hajaba at Bandar Baru Bangi hasn't opened, we went to Ariani. They are having a sale until end of July and the price was from RM60 and above. It was quite expensive as expected. But the material was not bad. It was light weighted and cooling too. So, finally I gave in to this new trend and got myself this....

I brought up the middle part and pinned it with a brooch at the side like the way I like it to be when I wore my tudung =)

The fabric design was not so many as I want the one where it is short at the front. Most of the tudung there are the one that has long cover at the front chest. Tried to wear for 10 minutes and it is very cooling just like my favourite bawal.

Next time, I have to bring my mom, as she already mentioned to me about this shop and obviously she'll pay for my purchase. Hehe. With hubby all I get is, "No comment" which loosely translated as "I don't really like it as I still think you look like an Indonesian no matter how expensive that tudung is."

Ps: Do I look ok? Still feel funny about it.. haha

My own laptop sleeve

I've been neglecting this blog of mine for quite some time now. Not because trying to finish my summer reading but starting a new project.

The itch to sew started again when I saw my mom brought out her Singer sewing machine. My mind started thinking what can I sew. Finally I got an idea. How about my own laptop sleeve. With laptop sleeve, I don't have to bring my bulky laptop backpack but still protecting my dear laptop.

So the project began. I found this wonderful site, Sew Mama Sew and it has a tutorial on laptop sleeve. The next night I dragged my mom to the nearest fabric store and got myself 1 metre of fabric for the outside part, 1 metre of lining fabric and some Velcro. But they didn't have fleece fabric. My mom bought a thin sponge fabric but being a perfectionist, I wanted fleece fabric too. Funnily my mother-in-law also involved in the search of fleece fabric. Lastly I found it at sewing item shop at SS14, Subang Jaya. That shop was the shop which supplied all the stuff I need during Kemahiran Hidup project in secondary school. I never thought I can rely to that shop until now.

Then the cutting and sewing session began. Since I already started my internship, I can only saw at night on weekdays. Coz weekends were reserved for dating. The whole process of sewing actually was pretty easy. But being me, I always wanted something extra and add the sponge fabric between the fleece fabric to make it thicker and softer. So the extra effort was needed as it's harder to sew thick layers of fabric. Then on the second last step I broke the needle. I couldn't believe it. I never broke a sewing machine needle before! My mom was cool about it and calmly said, biasa la tu patah jarum. Ok, I'm not that bad anyway. Hehe.

So after 1 week and a half (my plan was to finish it within 1 week.. but well..) I've finished by laptop sleeve! I'm so happy and proud of myself coz people in the house were doubting about my ability to finish it. Not because I don't know how to do it, but I'm famous for hangat-hangat tahi ayam. (I have an unfinished tudung that I'm supposed to sew 'labuci' which I managed to finish 1 side only - in my defend, the pattern required a lot of time and I was bored half way doing it. My mom's defend, 'who ask you to create such a troublesome pattern. I know it would be beautiful if it ever finish but now it's uglier with just one side finished'. Hehe. Buuutt... I did finish sewing the labuci at one of my kebaya - and that took almost a year to finish). Haha.

So this is my laptop sleeve. I forgot to sew something to personalize it. Well, first try after how many years abandoning sewing machine. And it's not that bad, I must say.
My mom gave me C-. What? But she requested one for her laptop. =)

So next project would be a camera case for my camera (after finishing 1 laptop sleeve for my mom) and if I have time, telengkung + sejadah bag.

Oh, IKEA has a lot of pretty and cute pattern for the project. Already bought one pattern for my camera case project.

Bonus picture: Choki playing hide and seek with us on our bed.

Summer Reading

My mission is to read books as many as I can during this summer holiday. This is the list of books I set to be read during this summer.

Starting with light reading which is of course my favourite genre, chick lit and a book that I've finished reading.

Done

1. Remember Me by Sophie Kinsella
Started reading while waiting for my flight in Charlotte Airport and I'm half way through by the time I realized I might missed my flight to KL. It used the usual Kinsella theme where the heroine would be happy at first then issues arise and finally issues resolved. Witty and funny as usual but I think I prefer 'Can You Keep a Secret' beside her Shopaholic series.






2. Austenland by Shannon Hale
Started reading in the flight from Newark to KL. The story is too predictable. The writer seems to copy the storyline of Elizabeth Bennet's love interest from Pride and Prejudice and applied it in modern world. A so-so storyline.









3. Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely
This book is a graduation gift from my department to all graduates. Since I volunteered, I received one too (find out it cost RM89.90 at Borders! Thank God I got it free). Wrote by ex-PhD Duke student who is a professor at MIT now and also a visiting professor at Duke. Even though some of the human behaviour that influence decision we made mentioned are already known, he made experiments to prove it which is very interesting. He even made an experiment that involved Duke basketball obsession. Hehe. This is highly recommended book to read. I like it.

Oh, and 2 PADI open water diver manuals. Hehe


In Progress

4. Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner










Coming soon

5. Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
Just bought it last weekend. Might read it after Zainal finish it first.








6. The Blue Ocean Strategy by W. Chan Kim and Renee Mauborgne










If I managed to finish all of these, might read Emotional Intelligence since Mak has it but we'll see how fast I can finish all these (if I cut down my time Facebooking and playing Bejeweled at FB).

I thought I want to read the book that I got in the workshops but I felt that since I already went to the workshop, the content might be the same right. Hehe.

Licensed to dive

I told him few years ago after Perhentian that I'm not going to any island after this for just snorkeling. I want to dive. I want to see the fishes face to face not back of their body.

So 2 weeks ago I fulfilled my promise. In order to really enjoy being deep inside the ocean, I need a license. And I've obtained it. Not 1 but 2. PADI Open Water and PADI Advanced Open Water. Now I have the license to dive as deep as 40 metres and also at night.

The road to that both license was not easy. If people think that the whole week was all play and no work are wrong big time. Days were spent in the water whether confined or open water, skills were thought and tested with few breaks for lunch and tea. Nights were filled with theory parts, knowledge reviews, quizzes and exam (Though it was a fun exam, haha). By Tuesday, all I wanted to do was go home. My legs were aching. Yoko Yoko stopped working on the second day.

But all the hard work was worth it. Every skill learned was going to be used while in the water. I never thought that mask clearing would be so useful. And knowing what to do when your buddy having a leg cramp in the water was very useful especially when you have Zainal as your buddy (Hehe.. but I love you no matter what sayang).

To tell the truth, it's not about physical strength only, it's mentally challenged too. How many times I almost gave up and finished the dive after 5 minutes in to the water. I've experienced from nausea of breathing from mouth (I've learned to deal with it), unable to equalize my ears that feel like exploding everytime I descended deeper during the deep dive and water kept coming into my mask during the night dive that spoilt the whole night experience. But I kept on pushing myself and before I realized, it's time to ascend. Surprisingly I wanted it more.

After 6 dives, I finally felt comfortable in water. I can find the my neutral bouyancy and glide calmly while mesmerizing the beauty of God's creation. I saw green turtle twice, angelfish, starfish, butterflyfish, friendly batfish and wrase fish, different species of soft and hard corals and of course the infamous eel. But no shark this time. Maybe next time.

Dayang Island is a marvellous island that only few know about. The water was crystal clear blue which served as our classroom. It has only one resort which is the one that we stayed on. Electricity only available from 7pm to 7am. I love the simple life we lived. Imagine 6 days without internet, newspaper, TV and all that matter was diving. And of course the food was delicious.

The whole experience would not be wonderful without the people who join the trip. Sporting instructors, helpful divemasters, crazy divers and of course my lovely husband who patiently reserved my favourite toilet cubicle while I getting my toiletries and my buddy underwater and lifetime.

Me and my buddy for life

Thanks to the group that came together whether for Open & Advanced, Rescue Diver or just for leisure dives, the whole experience was priceless.

Dive logged: 9 dives

Dive areas: Teluran (Pulau Aur), Pulau Lang, Rayner's Rock (Pulau Dayang), Teluk Jawa (Pulau Dayang), Dayang Channel (Pulau Dayang) and Dayang Jetty (Pulau Dayang).

Favourite spot: Rayner's Rock
Deepest depth: 21.6 m
Average diving time: 43.3 mins


P/s: Pictures are in my Facebook. Too many to choose and all are my favourites.

27th May is over and let's the fun begin

The old me is back. The one that procrastinates to reply emails, FB messages and hates online chatting. That old me I called it 'Mun in Malaysia and surrounding by her loved ones'. Mun in US, alone, away, lonely and bored was efficient when replying email (well, sort of) and looking forward to chat with someone (well, almost everyone).

Sorry dear friends. =)

Anyway, 27th of May was over. The promise of fun and jalan-jalan will begin today.

Today and tomorrow's agenda will be revolved around GSC where 5 movies have been reserved under our name. My hubby and I are partners in watching movie. So when we stayed apart for 3 months, each of us only watched 1 movie at cinema with our friends. The rest was downloaded or just missed it. Now we are back together, our weekly movie date will be continued again. See, how loyal are we to each other. Nak tengok movie pun kena sama-sama... haha.

Saturday is the day to pack our stuff and attend briefing of the trip.

On Sunday we will heading to Dayang Island for our first scuba diving trip for 6 days. I expect to receive a license at the end of this trip. At least open water if not the advanced one. But so lazy to practice swimming and build my stamina.

And the following week will start my internship for 2 months. *Sigh*

Coming back home

Finally my body is accustomed to Malaysia time. So I'm at my tanahair for 5 days already. Having a blissful time with my husband even though he has exams straight until next Wednesday. I don't mind as long as I'm with him. Even though I'm happy with my current situation but I still need to write down the experience I had during my journey back to Malaysia.

It started with a day before I was going home. I was supposed to return my lease car that evening but got lost while going there. I called the company to inform that I was lost and I might probably arrived late and please wait for me. But when I arrived there, they already closed and left me in the dark. What really pissed me off was I called to inform that I was late and pity my landlady who followed me to bring me home. I had to apologize to her many times for wasting her time and gas.

This event has lead to another problem for me as I have to catch a plane the next day and I have to settle this car before I went home. So early morning I had to ask my friend to pick me at Chapel Hill and send me home before I have to rush to airport.

Arrived at Raleigh/Durham International Airport, NC 1 hour 20 minutes before flight, rushed to check in, unpacked few pounds of overweight luggage and ran to the gate. After security checks, I thought everything went well.

Board the plane and arrived at Charlotte Douglas International Airport,NC at almost 2 pm. My next flight to Newark Airport, New Jersey (I don't know why people always thought this airport is in New York. It's not, it's in New Jersey and MAS only come here and Los Angeles Airport) was at 2.50pm. Then I found out that my flight was delayed to 4 pm. From Charlotte to Newark was around 2 hours flight so I probably arrived around 6 pm which gave me around 4 hours before my flight to Kuala Lumpur. Well, it's fine with me.

So I just hanging around at the gate eating tasteless chinese food and reading Sophie Kinsella's while watching people. 10 minutes before 4 pm I checked the display board at the gate and found out it was delayed to 4.30pm. Then after more waiting, they announced that we will board the aircraft at 5.15 pm and departed at 5.30 pm. I was restless at this time. My friend from Miami has arrived in Newark and I told him that I was delayed. He said never mind and be patient.

But then I found out that the flight was delayed again to 6.30 pm. If delayed to 6.30 pm, I'll be arriving in Newark at 8.30 pm which is less than 2 hours before my flight to KUL. I asked US Airways staff at the counter what's the problem that we have so many delays. She said because of the weather in Newark but when I said my friend had arrived there safely with no weather problem, she just dismissed me and walked away. I was furious at that time.

So I went to US Airways special services counter to ask if I can make it to my next flight. This time around the flight has been delayed to 7.30 pm. At this rate, I knew I might not make it to my next plane. The guy was so rude and all he said was he couldn't do anything and life must go on. WTH? Life must go on? (I remembered this clearly). I was tired, angry and PMS so I ran to a toilet and cried. Really hard.

I didn't know what to do at this point. I was away from my house (Charlotte to Durham is 3 hours away), I didn't know anybody at Charlotte and if I board the plane to Newark and missed the flight to KL, where should I stayed? The next flight from Newark to KL was 2 days away.

I called my friend that arrived in Newark and all he could do was tell the MAS officer that there is another girl that will arrived late. But what if I arrived later that 10 pm? Will the plane wait for me? Obviously no.

My mom called and I cried harder. She asked me to go to the US Airways to re-route me so that I can arrive Newark before 10 pm. He still said no and became even ruder than before.

Then I went to the US Airways ticketing counter and while waiting for my queue looking like shit after half hour crying, an Indian asked me where I'm from. I said I'm a Malaysian and I'm going home. Immediately he said he's a Malaysian too and he's in the same flight with me going back to Malaysia. He said, "Jangan menangis adik. I have a family here, we can go back to my house after we settle all of this."

At that moment I felt like Allah has send me helps in subtle ways. He canceled my ticket for KL, re-booked the ticket for Saturday and spoke for me all the way. Then he called his wife to pick us and bring us home.

Apparently his wife also a Malaysian but they have lived in US for almost 20 years. He wanted to go back to Malaysia after 6 years not visiting his family and now this stuff happened. He was angry too.

To tell the truth, he and his family was my life saver. I'm so grateful for meeting him and his family. They are such a wonderful people and I'm going to visit them when I go back this August.

So after buying new ticket to Malaysia and wasted USD380 on the canceled ticket, postponed my trip home by 2 days, I finally home. What a journey coming back home.

Ps: I won't take US Airways anymore after this. Period.

Tired and confused

I want to update this blog.

I want to tell the experience of coming back home - how I was stranded in an airport, how I met a Malaysian who saved my life and only arrived home 2 days later than I was supposed to.

I want to share the happiness of seeing my family and beloved husband again.

But my body in weird time zone jet lag. Right now it doesn't follow any time zone. Neither nor US eastern time or Malaysian time. I got so sleepy at 4 pm and sleep through until 10 pm which is not my sleeping time in US.

Apakah?

Packing headache

I always underestimate my things when I planned for packing. Late last year who would thought that 1 year in rented apartment equivalent to 1 lorry and 2 cars full loaded with stuff. That was not including items that we gave away.

Now the same problem arise again. Initially I thought I would need 3 boxes at most. 2 for books and notes and 1 plastic box for clothes that I won't bring home (aka winter clothes). But now, 6 boxes later, I still have my stuff that haven't been packed yet. WTH?

Seriously, how much things that can be accumulate when I just stayed here for 5 months only? But, it's still unbelievable. I have 1 box for winter coats only and 1 box for shoes only (in my defense, 3 pairs of it it's not mine).

Unfortunately I have another problem to solve beside one that still unsolved. The first unsolved one is my luggage might be overweight. I don't know yet coz... this is where the second problem comes, it couldn't be closed!! Because of overload. I know, I'm in the deep shit now. Now, I do what I excel at, complain at my blog. *sigh* but haha.

The best mother on earth

Today is Mother's Day and like any other event that happened this year, I'm not be able to celebrate it with the person I'm suppose to be celebrated with.

Mother's sacrifice would never be paid back no matter how much money you give to them. This year my mom reminded me of her endless sacrifices to her children no matter how old they are. To her, they are still her baby and need to be protected all the time.

After Mak knew that Zainal couldn't send me to the States late last year, she voluntarily announced that she would send me. She said she has save some money that can be used for tickets and hotels while she's there. At that moment, only God knows how happy I was to have someone that accompany me for this long journey. Little I knew that this journey was more than just accompanying me.

I arrived here in States without any confirm accommodation. The first 2 days we lived in university inn and after finding a room, we moved there. From my rented room to the nearest bus stop required 0.9 miles of walking distance. The bus that we took at that bus stop didn't go direct to campus but we have to change to another bus at downtown. Imagine for 8 days in the peak of winter time, my 60 years old mother had to walk in winter to bus stop and waited for 30 minutes for the bus to come in drizzling rain just accompanied me whether to campus or grocery shopping.

How do I repay her sacrifice of following me to the campus so that I won't missed the orientation that held at late evening and finished at night time. How she would sat at a corner reading her book while waiting for me. How she gave me her muffler when she saw me shivering in the cold winter rain while waiting for bus. How she had to replace 2 weeks of classes she canceled just for this trip. How during this 10 nights she motivated me to study hard and finally saw me broke down 2 days before she left when the thought of living here alone in this harsh condition finally took its toll on me.

After she arrived home, for 2 months she never failed to call me every morning to remind me that I'm not alone and updated me with the latest news from home so that I will not feel left out. She never angry or disappointed in me even I didn't achieve her expectation instead she would give words of comfort and encouragement to make me feel better. I confided her all my happiness and sadness and as I grow into a young woman, she's my best friend.

She is my idol. I don't need another figure to be role model for me when I have my mother. She cooks the best dishes (and so many varieties), can sew perfectly (alteration is nothing for her as she could saw an evening dress for me), arrange floral decorations in minutes (that's why we have 10 floral decorations at living hall only and she was popular person at wedding preparation as she can transform boring looking flower arrangement into something beautiful), she can design hantaran and bunga telur with back of her hand (she did my brother's 1500 bunga telur while she was a Deputy VC at UPSI and all my bunga telur for both akad nikah & reception by her self), has doctorate, professorship and various awards from the Sultans under her name. How she balanced of being a great mother, wife, and academician is still a wonder to me.

She showed me the greatest love and loyalty of a wife can give to her husband during the worst of his life that amazed me. She showed me the unconditional love of a mother, no matter what her children said or did to her. She showed me the patience of being a daughter of an aging mother whose really tested the composure and calmness of a person.

She said I'm like her and one day I'll follow her. At my current stage of life, I still doubt about her statement but I am glad if I can be half of her greatness. But I do hope that her prayer will come true and therefore I have to work hard to achieve the same level with her. (oh, I could feel the pressure already)

For this, happy mother's day, Mak. You are the best and I love you so much.

How she always loves flowers and I hope the roses will bloom as beautiful as now (or better) next year when she will come for my graduation.

We are 7 baby!

Yes, we are celebrating 7th anniversary today. Seven years as his girlfriend (yeah, we made it official early last year but I'm still his girlfriend for life) and 70 more years or whenever Malakul-Maut comes. And I pray we will continue our love in heaven Insya Allah.

Yes, wedding anniversary is so overrated. People celebrated wedding anniversaries coz it's an arranged marriage. Haha.

We celebrated our union of love when we started dating and continue counting as we get married. Or we just celebrate both. =)

I love this date, 7th May, coz it's the middle of our birthday. I'm 4th May, he's 14th May, yeah you got me, 9th should be the middle between 4 & 14 but wth. So May is the big celebration. His, hers and our day compacted together to form an ultimate celebration. Ok, that was exaggerated.

Anyway, enough crap, let's pictures showed the journey of us.

This was during my brother's wedding. The first time I introduced him as my bf to my mom. This was back in 2002.
My favourite picture back then which I hanged on my cupboard door in my college room which drive my roommates crazy.

Both of these pictures were in 35mm film camera era.

Then digital camera era rolled in and here goes all funny pictures.

Started with VGA phone camera.This was when we were watching at Starlight Cinema, Bukit Kiara. Did I look like an elder sister to him? Yes, I did. I won't show you the worst picture which I looked like a lecturer dating a student. Aargghh.. (Ni semua Thoreq punya pasal).

The second time we went to Genting but this time with AKIUM. We have this funny relationship with Genting where we like to go there for so many times. Until now I can't figure out why.

Oh, it's so hard to choose pictures from different era... I looked funny...

At Zainal's first convocation. Second one will coming soon. =)

Yea, no glasses anymore. No more I-look-older-than-him-and-I-might-be-his-elder-sister. Hehe... This was few months after LASIK and finally can wear sunglasses!

At Shahnon's sister wedding. I always love this pictures Maybe because we unintendedly wore same colour and smiled happily as if we know..

this going to happen soon....

Our akad nikah on 19 January 2008.

Our reception on 19 July 2008.

This was in NYC 2009. The last weekend I physically spent with him before we'll meet again (not through Skype or dreams) in less than 10 days!

Well, Happy 7th Anniversary Sayang!

Apartment hunting

I'm tired. Tired of apartment hunting and calculating budget. If I have $100 more budget, then the choices would be more. It's hard to balance safety, location, facilities and budget. There are lots of quite cheap apartments near the school but there are also lots of concern about shooting, robbery and larceny. There are lots of safe and nice apartments but my budget would not allow it. Even if I work part time to accommodate the increase.

Then, this car leasing company wants to increase the price if I have new lease. Hate them. Mentang-mentang ramai Duke student use their service, mengada-ngada. Adoi... No car means how am I going to school? Taking city bus is like acting ghetto movie. One day you might be a supporting cast but in unfortunate day, you might be in the front page. WTH is my analogy? Ok, the point is it's dangerous to take the bus alone (references: my mom & Zainal).

Benciss..

Can I just rent a RV? A house and transport in one.

In unrelated incidence, this one Indian shop lied to me about their DVD rental. I missed watching Hindi movie so I rented one. I put deposit $10 and asked him how long can I rent? He said no time limit. Today, 1.5 months later, I wanted to return back and get my deposit, the wife said it's only 3 days and since my rental card has lost by them and it's way long overdue, they didn't want to return my deposit and asked me to keep the DVD. Taknak that DVD.. wants my money back. T_T

Birthday in Uncle Sam's Land

Thank you Allah for giving me another year to live and grow in this world. Officially I'm 26 years old now. Technically I was 26 years old 12 hours ago as I was born in Malaysia not US but since geographically I'm in US, so I'll be using the GMT-0500 to establish my official birthday date.

This year it would be different. This is the first time I celebrated by birthday away from my loved ones and my beloved country. This is new experience for me and I will embrace it positively. I mean why sulk when you can't do anything about it. For a change this is an opportunity for me to see who really remember my birthday without having me physically be there to remember it. Haha.

Anyway, you could not expect every year to be wonderful birthdays right. There would be some special ones and some just plain birthday. I don't have excellent memory but I remember some good things happened in few of my birthdays. Like in 1997, during my last birthday party, I actually received a science kit for my birthday. WTH? Was I that nerd? In 1999, I got this unexpected birthday gift from someone that I have no idea that care about me even though we were not in the same school anymore. In 2002, Zainal asked me to be his girlfriend and boom, 6 years and 362 days later, we are husband and wife. In 2006, that was the first time I actually could celebrated birthday with my Tengs sisters. Before this all my birthdays fell in semester holidays. Sucks I know. In 2008, I celebrated my birthday as a wife for the first time.

Ahh.. remembering all these memories really put a smile on my face tonight. I felt blissful for having these wonderful people surrounding me. I actually didn't mind being alone tonight. I thanked Allah again for the wonderful 26 years of my life. I wouldn't want to trade it with anyone else.

"Reality. It's so much more interesting than living happily ever after." Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy.

TV junkie

I'm a TV junkie. No doubt about it. Not having cable in US has caused almost depression for me initially. You see, if you don't have a cable here, you almost didn't get any channel at all. I have a TV in my room which can receive 3 channels only. The most clearest one is the one that similar to TV Pendidikan in Malaysia. The only channel I watched was ABC (which is not that clear anyway) which has Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. I've bought 3 types of antenna and even bought a HD converter to get clear signal. But at the end, all of these have to be returned as it won't give any significant improvement for me to watch TV.

I followed a lot of series and sitcoms. From 90210, Grey's Anatomy, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, Prison Break, to reality shows like American Next Top Models, Akademi Fantasia (thanks to Jiwang Torrent), American Idol, and the sitcoms like The Office, 30 Rock, How I Meet Your Mother, Two and a Half Man, and many more. The latest sitcom is The Big Bang Theory (thanks to my friend, Jeff who introduced me to this series). I've finished watching the whole Season 1 in 2 days and now half way through Season 2.

But, next semester, I'm going to subscribe cable. Just a basic one will do so I don't have to wait to watch in their website or download it. No one will stop me now. I don't care.

However, there's few series that I've stopped watching since I came here which are CSI and Criminal Minds. The thing is when you were watching in Malaysia, you know all that gruesome murders happened thousand miles from you. But now, I'm at this particular place where the stories took place. I know it's fictional but somehow it's based from true stories too. I have been reading too much about real murders before this that I know there are some people out there who is psycho. Even in Malaysia we have this kind of people. Remember Nurin?

Durham not exactly the safest city in US. In fact, based from City-data.com, Durham crime index is above the average of US crime index. You don't have to be a genius to see that. Just take a bus and stop at the downtown, you know what I mean. I pray everyday to Allah to protect me.

Ok, what crime has to do with being a TV junkie. Out of topic, as usual.

Ps: Ok, I'm bored. I should start packing my stuff, but I'm so lazy to do that. But I've bought boxes at Home Depot for only $0.67 each. Yeay for me!

Pps: Maybe I should swim at Duke gym to improve my stamina so my body won't be in shock when she hits the salt water end of this month. Did I tell you that scuba plan is on again. Double yeay for me!

Craiglist & me

Typical Craiglist shopping experience:

Me: Is the chair is available?
Seller: Yes, please come after 6 pm or tomorrow before 5 pm.
Me: Ok, I'll come at 6.15 pm today. What's your address?

Me: *Wait* *Wait* *No reply*

Seller: *At 6.05 pm*. Oh, the chair has been bought.

WTH?

Twice today I have this experience. Is this a sign for me to stop shopping?

And why all free stuff is in Raleigh and Cary? Nobody in Durham is generous enough to give away free stuff?

Retail therapy

I never know the power of retail therapy until now especially in States. Shopping has become my therapy in overcoming loneliness, boredom and anger. I won't go to the expensive stores coz not able to buy would lead to sadness. The purpose of therapy is to cure not to add salt to the wound.

So after class I would go shopping. Like twice a week. Then weekend is another trip. Most of the time I don't buy anything or I just buy something cheap to feel that I don't waste so much time. I don't care if you feel pathetic or what but it's how I survived for 4 months alone here.

Because of this activity, I don't mind spending hours at one store by just looking around. I know it's waste of time but rather than feeling blues and depress, at least I'm happy. And the positive side of it, I have many cheap but beautiful clothes that you really need to dig to find that treasure.

The retail therapy doesn't have to be at brick and mortar stores, it can be online too. Back home, Amazon and eBay won't send the items there and you have to time 3.6 to get the real price but here, you can buy everything and you don't need to time 3.6 (sometimes I do just to compare the price). Craiglist is another favourite site of mine. Since right now is the season of students moving out, many items are very cheap. Luckily I don't have a truck, if not I would have couch, futon, bed, drawer ready for fall semester.

But right now, after discovering a free place to store my stuff (thanks to William), I started to collect my own furniture to be ready for new apartment in next semester. The thing is all the stuff is so cheap and I know I won't find this cheap stuff in the beginning of semester when everybody is looking for same stuff as me. Right now, I'm buying things that can fit my car. If only a couch can fit into my car...

I wish this angry feeling will go away soon. Before I started buying more stuff. Like iPod Touch.

Ps: Goat's milk taste the same no matter if it's in raw form of powder form. Don't get cheated by the 'creamy, great tasting' tagline. Well, have to endure it for the sake of stronger immunization against swine flu.

Bullshit

There goes my dream of getting scuba diving license.
There goes my sandy white beach summer holiday.

So much for following your dream and living the present. It's bullshiiiiiiiiiiittt.
Your dream remain a dream and your life dictated by others.

How time are wasted on thinking of this stuff.
How energy are wasted on feeling happy and excited.
It's all bullshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittt.

Maybe I should just forget all this scuba things.
Too many obstacles.
But this last one was the final straw. The reason is so stupid to digest.

Suddenly all the happy feeling of going back is gone. At this moment, I felt like returning all the stuff I bought for everybody. I felt like I just want to stay here. Nobody really care about my ideas anyway. Not in class, not in the family.

I felt like a SHIT. And now I felt angry.

And she didn't even come to my wedding. Both occasion.

WHY SHOULD I EVEN CARE COMING TO HER F**KING WEDDING????????????????????

Can't wait