Sepi yang kronik

Pernah tak rasa macam ada tak kena je dalam your heart? Macam tetiba rasa sangat sunyi, sangat sepi, macam dalam dunia ni ada kita je. Orang lain dah hilang dan tinggalkan kita.

Semua benda buat tak jadi. Nak mandi takde mood... nak makan, makan separuh hilang selera.

Dalam keadaan macam rasa nak ambil tiket & balik Malaysia jer.

Kenapa ni? Kenapa? Kenapa? Camne nak buat? Camne? Nak baca Quran untuk tenangkan diri tak dapat...

Ya Allah.... tolong la hambaMu ini...

This 3 weeks was just so beautiful

3 weeks come and go like a blink of eyes. I still remember the excitement of waiting for him at the airport. The first kiss I got upon meeting him at the arrival hall. The smell and the warmth of his body beside mine. This is my worldly heaven.

But then, times moved faster than we can capture every moment. Without notice, it's time to say goodbye. Not to forever, but maybe a few months. But few months felt like forever.

I miss him dearly. I practically spend 20/7 with him during this 3 weeks. 4 hours less per day when I went to classes on weekdays. The rest of the day was spend with him. How am I not feeling lost after this? Who will make jokes with me? Who will make me smile and laugh? Who will make my day better even in the coldest day in winter?

He's the best husband ever. Who would walk 1 mile in the cold and then waited for 20 minutes for a bus just to wait for another 3 hours? Then when we get our own car, he diligently send and picked me for my classes even when I've got my own local license? Who would eat little and be hungry for whole night so that the halal food he brought can be eaten by me in the future. He's the one I'm married with.

People said just not to think too much and focus on the main purpose you are here; study. It's easy to said when you are the one not experiencing it and feel it. People said don't worry, we have technology now. It's easy to say when you have someone to warm you every night by your side. But I guess this is the choice (not sacrifice) we made for our future. I hope it's worth it.

Dear sayang, thank you for the wonderful 3 weeks. Not for these 3 weeks only but the 1 year as your wife and 6.5 years as your girl. And I'll be your girl for the rest of your life.

Have a safe journey and till we meet again, soon I hope.

Ps: I promised not to cry at this goodbye (I been crying a lot lately) but I can't stop the tears to roll as I typed this. I never been away from him more than 2 weeks for the last 6.5 years we were together. Now, I don't even know when I'm going to see him. This is awful.

If I could fly, you'll see me flying next to your plane to follow you home.

Shopping is such a happy thing to do - if you get what you want

I got new toy to play with. Yeay!! A Garmin GPS. Very essential when driving in unknown territory. Yelah, nak balik rumah dari universiti boleh sesat. That's why need the GPS. This is the cheapest Garmin model. And... it's cheaper than in Malaysia by RM200 (compare to those sold in forum, if you compare to normal shop, the figure might be higher). So it's worth it right. Hehe..

Since we got a GPS and a car, apa lagi.... road trip to shopping mall. This is a factory outlet located about an hour drive from my house - Carolina Premium Outlets. Everything is all branded and cheap. From Levi's, Liz Claiborne, Ralph Lauren, Clarks, Banana Republic, GAP to Coach and etc. Coach was so cheap and got 50% off somemore. But I got my GPS already and couldn't spend on stuff that unnecessary at this moment. Really want that bag......

It's ok, I got so much time in future and I definitely will come back!

Ps: Anybody wants something please tell me kay... of course with additional 20% charge will be applied. But for Coach handbag, additional 20% also is way cheaper than in Malaysia. Seriously. Zainal bought 1 for her mom. And I am so jealous.

My nose numb in the morning

This morning was the coldest ever since I arrived here. The temperature recorded as -2C as I walked to the bus stop. I saw ice on the road and on the grass. But when I think about it, I didn't wear so many layers compared before.

So during this cold time, you wear jacket to cover your body from cold, glove for your hand and cap for your head and ears. How about your nose? How to cover it? Anybody want to patent a design.

My nose was numb due to this cold weather. It was cold when I touched it. At the end, I have to cup my nose while walking to prevent my mucous turning into an ice. Haha.

On the other note, I discovered McDonald's at my campus. My life saver. It's cheap and it has Fillet-O-Fish. If this campus in Malaysia, I don't need MidValley to enjoy good food. Everything is here - sushi, grill food, cajun, Chinese, Mexican, McD, pizza and many more. But there are a bit expensive (would you pay $8.90 for your lunch in college? Not including drink) and not halal. But McD was the cheapest which is the opposite of Malaysia's situation. Takpelah... The McD worker has recognised me after eating at that place for 2 consecutive days. Haha.. Next week, maybe I'll try eating salad. The other food are not halal, so my choice is very limited. Well, sorry I can't boycott McD yet or any other US product. I live here. So I'll donate to the NGO for my part to help Palestine but I can't boycott. Please don't hate me.

I still can smell the salty wind and the delicious rendang

Here I am at 1.30 am in the morning, tired and exhausted, yet refused to sleep. As I was going to shut down my laptop, I remember all the pictures taken last year.

I looked at it one by one. All the honeymoons we went; from Bandung, Genting, Terengganu, to various location around KL, Hari Raya at Muar, Choki and all other silly pictures we took.

It felt like just happened yesterday. I still can remember all the emotions, the happiness and the story behind every pictures.

I miss him badly. I wish Sunday come sooner. I want to hug and kiss him the moment I see him. I don't care.
I miss them dearly. And I have to wait longer than Sunday for them. Way longer. Like a year and half longer. I wish time will fly faster.


I shouldn't see that pictures. Now melancholy started creeping my heart.

Oh, I don't want to post any of those pictures here as it will make the matter worse.

I should sleep now.

Everywhere in the world Muslim is praying for you, Gaza

Even in Duke, where it founded by Methodist, Muslim has a chance to make people aware the suffering of the Gaza.

I wish I can attend this, but I don't have transport to move around at night. But don't worry, my prayer is always with you. May Allah put you among His loved ones, child.

Ps: I don't understand how people have the ability to kill innocent people. Don't they have feelings? Binatang pun lebih baik.

Happy New Year

A week has passed since 1 Muharram 1430. Coincidentally both Gregorian and Hijriah calendar started the new year 3 days apart. So it's a good time to wish everybody Happy New Year.

New year means making resolutions and reminiscing the old year. 2008 was the best year I ever had so far. I married the love of my life, have a wonderful honeymoons, starting our life together, bought a cute little rabbit and enjoy living together as husband & wife.

Well, 2009 will promise some improvement as individual, even though away from each other, I believe it's just a temporary situation. We will become stronger and hopefully we have something cute in my uterus at the end of the year. Insya Allah. =)

Oh, my resolution is to study smart (hopefully I didn't forget how to become a student again after working for 2 years) and to not missing home so much. I was hoping to get more exercise but again, this resolution is repeated every year without any improvement. So I'm not betting on that at the moment. Haha.

Ps: Did you know that in US, you have to pay incoming call made to your mobile phone? Unbelievable, especially in Malaysia the mobile phone service providers are competing on who give most free stuff. So either you call or you receive a call, your credit will run out faster than you think. Pelik.

Why

Why I even think of doing this?

It's harder than it's look like.

SO much harder.

So hard that I wish I never came here at the first place.

Ya Allah, please give me strength to go through this.