It's 5 minutes before 12 am when suddenly Naqib asked me if I wanted to see the fireworks.
"Tak nampak la, ade pokok kacau view KLCC."
"Bukan dari rumah la.. Kita naik kereta la gi somewhere."
Before my mom said yes, I grabbed my purse and handphone, screamed to Naqib to move his ass faster and we were on the way to Sunway. 2 minutes before the fireworks, we parked ourselves at a petrol station with few other cars.
In many months this was the first time I came out at midnight. This was truly merdeka. Suddenly I didn't want to watch to fireworks. I want to enjoy the moment. The moment that will be lost another 10 minutes.
After finishing my studies and back to my parents house, I was back with the curfew rules. After 4 years of rebellious, I miss my freedom. I miss the late night outings. I miss the midnight shows. I miss the premier night of a movie. I miss the late night supper at Hartamas. I miss the heart shape waffle at Hartamas. I miss the quiet and empty road at night. I miss wandering around Bangsar late at night. I miss the look at UM pak guard when I came in at 3am (before they became strict which was enforced last year. They spoilt my final year). I miss the eerie feeling when going to both 1st and 12th colleges' toilet at 4am. I miss driving around UM 3 times in 4.30am. Mostly I miss the driver that usually did all of above with me. (and yes, I'm a night owl. Definitely not a morning person.)
What merdeka means to me this year? I don't know. I never know what merdeka means to me personally. Pathetic. I don't know.
My life has always been restricted in any forms until I could mould myself into respectful woman (that's what I thought). That's was 4 years ago. Then I came to uni and life changed. I'm with Zainal, I had family feud and I gained my self-confidence and independent. But I still not that bad la if you looked from far. Inside, I had grown tremendously this last 2 years especially. Did I find my freedom? No, I'm still scared and still can't made any decision. And I'm still searching my self-freedom.
However, I'm happy and proud that my country has merdeka for 49th years... Happy Merdeka Day everyone.
"Tak nampak la, ade pokok kacau view KLCC."
"Bukan dari rumah la.. Kita naik kereta la gi somewhere."
Before my mom said yes, I grabbed my purse and handphone, screamed to Naqib to move his ass faster and we were on the way to Sunway. 2 minutes before the fireworks, we parked ourselves at a petrol station with few other cars.
In many months this was the first time I came out at midnight. This was truly merdeka. Suddenly I didn't want to watch to fireworks. I want to enjoy the moment. The moment that will be lost another 10 minutes.
After finishing my studies and back to my parents house, I was back with the curfew rules. After 4 years of rebellious, I miss my freedom. I miss the late night outings. I miss the midnight shows. I miss the premier night of a movie. I miss the late night supper at Hartamas. I miss the heart shape waffle at Hartamas. I miss the quiet and empty road at night. I miss wandering around Bangsar late at night. I miss the look at UM pak guard when I came in at 3am (before they became strict which was enforced last year. They spoilt my final year). I miss the eerie feeling when going to both 1st and 12th colleges' toilet at 4am. I miss driving around UM 3 times in 4.30am. Mostly I miss the driver that usually did all of above with me. (and yes, I'm a night owl. Definitely not a morning person.)
What merdeka means to me this year? I don't know. I never know what merdeka means to me personally. Pathetic. I don't know.
My life has always been restricted in any forms until I could mould myself into respectful woman (that's what I thought). That's was 4 years ago. Then I came to uni and life changed. I'm with Zainal, I had family feud and I gained my self-confidence and independent. But I still not that bad la if you looked from far. Inside, I had grown tremendously this last 2 years especially. Did I find my freedom? No, I'm still scared and still can't made any decision. And I'm still searching my self-freedom.
However, I'm happy and proud that my country has merdeka for 49th years... Happy Merdeka Day everyone.
2 comments:
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Hai alex...=)
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