I wish I had his strength and willpower not being a hypocrite. To accept when to delete a person from his life and when to accept which people worth retained. I couldn't do that. I'm a soft-hearted person who always think that maybe that they have 'reasons' why they did that to me (I learned that people always have 'reasons'). Even though they hurt me many times. Even though I despised that person, but on the outer layer I would put a smile, act like they are my good friends and brave the hurtful feeling inside.
So this new year, I've made a pact with myself. No more self-degrading. I will not let people play with my emotions, take advantage of me and use me. I will disregard those who fall in that category. Enough of this bullshit.
I'm done being at mercy of others because I thought I need them to make me happy. I hate feeling that they do me a favor by letting me being part of their 'gang'. Clearly, I wasn't voluntarily being accepted among them. I felt like as if they were forced to accept my presence just because we share our homeland.
Allah is the Most Beneficial. At the first day on this new year, He showed me the true face of my friends. I knew where I stand know and I intend to keep this stand intact. No more trying hard to be friend with them when clearly they don't even care about me.
So as today, I told myself, I will not let people control my happiness. I am my destiny.
The road ahead might be long and uncertain, but with my family and trusted friends, I know I'll be fine, InsyaAllah.
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