Salam Ramadhan

This is not the first time I'm not fasting in Malaysia. But this is the first time I fast alone. Like with no family members or roommates or housemates to share iftar and sahur.

The last 5 days I was strong. I took it as dinner and during sahur I too sleepy to think. But today, my heroic self cracked. I felt so lonely. I wish I was eating with someone. It's impossible to wish that I can break my fast with my husband or family at this time but having someone to eat with would be something possible. Today, even Chuck couldn't take my loneliness away. He always teman me eating my iftar.

Again, this semester, there's no Muslim Malaysian aka Malay in Duke that I knew of. After Dian went back to Malaysia (after I only knew her 2 months before Spring Semester ended), I'm the sole survivor in Duke.

Well, I know I can do this. I'm going to Raleigh tomorrow after 'Night with Industries' event. At least there are a lot of Malaysians someone to break the fast with.

Oh, I wish all my friends Salam Ramadhan Al-Mubarak. May this month bring more goodness in us and chance to us to ibadah more.

Ps: I missed going to terawih with my husband. =( And I missed Bazaar Ramadhan too... but not as much as I missed him.

I wish for this feeling again

With regulator in the mouth, trusting my whole life on this small device and heavy tank behind my back, I slowly let go myself backward into the water. For the moment, everything was very confusing. All I heard was my breathing, with small bubbles in front of me and vast of blue water surround me. I was on my head down and slowly my body turned automatically and my head up again while I resurfaced. Having said that, that's the most beautiful feeling I had.

When everything made sense again, slowly I sank again. This time I was aware of everything around me. The small creatures that I saw on the surface enlarging every few seconds. Within seconds, I was facing them face to face.

As I glided slowly, kicking my legs constantly, I was lost in this magical kingdom. Everything seems surreal; so many colours and so many species. I praised Almighty for this His creations.

Without I knew it, I lost in this beautiful moment. Every single species was my first time. encounter. I awed at their beauty and they finesse. They swam at their own pace and ignored my presence. I felt like I was one of them. At that moment, I never felt so calm in this eerie silence open space. For once I wish I could stay longer and enjoy every minutes of it.

Then the signal that my time in this heaven on earth was up was shown. While I slowly submerged to the surface, I wept sad goodbye to this place. I promised to come again and hopefully they will wait for me without changing any of these.

As I surfaced, large waves pushed me around. Suddenly this whole ocean felt overwhelming and I felt like an ant drowning in a cup of water. I saw my destination and swam with all my energy. But the waves continuously pushing me away. I worked extra hard. In the last few steps to my destination, the tank that I trust my life with has become a liability for me to achieve my destination. I realized that was the real life I was facing throughout all my life and not the magical kingdom that I just left few moments ago.

End of 2nd internship

I ended my 1.5 months internship last Tuesday. This time around was different. Back then when I was in my undergraduate years and first time doing internship, my objectives and view of working world was different. Now with 2 years experience in my pocket, my main objective was completely different.

Strangely I didn't miss anything about this internship. Except free flow of Milo and occasionally free ice-cream. I was parked in Operations department in HQ. I had experience working with production people before and all I can said that they are different species from other departments. In a good or bad way, I won't say. They have to deal with all kind and level of people, machines and expectations. So they have special capabilities to balance and survive in that condition. The capabilities that I haven't mastered yet especially when my natural personalities quite opposite of that capabilities. Maybe I wasn't meant for production.

However, having to witness two different level of manufacturing company; one is the largest pharmaceutical company in Malaysia and one is the largest food manufacturing company in the world was a priceless experience. I only toured one day of the latter's factory to find the huge gap in the management system of the production line. No wonder they are the largest in the world while the other one struggling to stay on top in Malaysia.

This is what I like about internship. You be able to find out what is like to work in a company without actually being commit to work there permanently. You'll get to learn the whole company structures from inside and experience the environment to judge whether you want to work there someday or not. But the downside of it, you'll be bullied around and will not taken seriously.

The experience from my first internship had made me reluctant to work there after I graduated even though my ex-boss asked me to send resume and come for interview on my last semester. But this second internship, I'll be glad to join the company after I end my study. The funny thing I realized while doing this second internship was that at the end of 2nd week of internship, I achieve every objectives that I set before starting it which was so different during the first internship where I wanted to learn everything which sometimes I didn't even know what I wanted to know.

However, there were few things that I really missed when this latest internship ended. I missed the daily commute with my husband, daily lunch and occasional peek from him when he came to 4th floor. I missed his unexpected visit to my desk with nasi lemak or Kit Kat to share with me. I missed the walk to nasi lemak stall every morning for breakfast while talking and sharing stories. This internship was perfect for me. I get to learn new experince at the same time I can spend more time with my husband.

I wish for more time with him but I have to fly again this Thursday.

Not ready

10 more days...

Everything still in chaos.

Still no house to stay.

Don't feel like going back again.

I'm not ready at all.

Then again, was I ever ready before?