I don't care anymore

Artist: Nathan Brubaker

I don't care anymore

I don't care to make it happen
I don't care if just to let it go

I just don't understand why it's so hard
I just don't understand what's wrong to be doing good

I don't care about your excuses
I don't care about your theories

The moment I want to do something good
World turn upside down as if I'm turning to devil

Or is it evil in the world is sought after than the goods?

I don't care anymore
If they refuse it, I'm doing my way
I'm staying this way
And let them have my sins.

I rather die of love than live without love

Nothing comes easy in this life. In search of happiness, we have to work hard to achieve it. Doesn't matter what happiness means to you - money, love or freedom, they don't come easily. One have to struggle and fight to gain it.

When the happiness you seek has finally achieved, it makes you realize how much it means to you. You won't simply loss what you already have and your appreciation towards it grow. But to get to the destination, sweats and tears become you best friend.

Who said love comes easily. The course of true love never did run smooth was indeed correct. We thought after years of courtship things would be easy. There would never be an easy route for every love. Love always is threaten by money and other people. Love always has to back off when these 2 have power.

But I know one thing. Nobody can take my love away from me. I will always fight for my love. I might be weak and easily bullied, but when somebody mess up with my love, I give a fight. I don't care who they are, but nothing going to keep me apart from my love. Even if I have to lose my face, I know being with someone you love is better than living with other's expectation.

If I won't give up, you won't give up too, right? I know we can make it until the last breath we take.

Update

A wedding is on the way. Watch this space for more updates.

Hehe.

Keep in touch my friends

During many phases of our life, we encountered a lot of people that some of them become our friends. If we wanted to collect all the people that we called friends, I'm sure all of us have at least 100 friends. And that's a minimum numbers. But how many of them that you actually know what's going on with their life right now. How many that you actually keep in touch.

My biggest weakness is keeping in touch with old friends. The minute I stop seeing them, that's the time I stop keeping in touch. It's not that I forgot about them, it just that I afraid they don't remember me and I have this ideas that I might not know what to talk about with them. Only friends from my secondary school are the one that I keep in touch. And that one only happened when we are going to meet up for some occasion.

I felt bad about it you know. Sometimes my friends send messages asking how am I doing but most of the time I won't reply. I kept thinking that if I reply this message, what should I said next. At the end, I don't reply at all.

There were times I kept thinking about all the friends I have especially the ones that I was close with before. I miss all of them. I remember everything about every moments we spend together and I wish I can go back to that time.

There was one night I dreamed about all the close friends I encountered from primary schools to university. Everyone of them has special impact on me. God, I really miss them all.

I know nobody actually read this but to all my friends out there, from SRKSJ, SMKSJ, Asasi, FKUM to Marcus Evans, I wish I become nicer when you keep in touch but sometimes I don't know what to react when you try to keep in touch with me, I end up become some kind of snob. I'm so sorry.

God, I really miss everybody. Some I don't even know where they are. Some I still can contact them by friendster.

Therefore, please be nice to your friends. They are one of the precious thing in life and making life worth living.

Eid Fitr 2007

To all Muslimeen & Mualimat, I would like to wish Happy Eid Fitr.

Priceless moment during Raya that I will miss if it's not celebrated in Muar:

1. Catching up with everybody's life
2. Queuing for toilet in the morning
3. Play fireworks
4. Eavesdropping aunties gossiping
   
5. Duit raya giving session
   
6. and the best part is photographing session!!

One small happy family

One big happy family!

I love Raya!!

ps: This year I still get duit raya... Thanks to all my uncles who still don't realize that I'm working already... hehe

I felt like I'm drowning in the ocean..

...So somebody take me away.

Seriously, I am…

I requested for a transfer but was rejected and asked to wait till end of the year to see how things change. B U L L S H I T

How things will get changed? I still have the image of stabbing him everyday when I come to work. How that supposed to help me improve at the end of the year. How he going to improve anything if he’s the one who disappear during working hours and appear 20 minutes before works end and pretend working till late. If there’s anything that needs to be re-engineered, it’s us.

Work sucks, my social life sucker. Even my bf think he spend so much time with me. How couldn’t I? He IS my social life. Other than that, NONE.

I’m really looking forward to Raya coz Raya means open house. Open house means meeting my friends. Which means my social life department will increase the productivity. Unlike now, which is at the level of none.

And Raya means holiday. At least, I can rest my mind of plotting a murder for a week.

Ramadhan is going to left us again

I cannot believe it that Ramadhan is left another 5 more days. And I don't write anything about this holy month. And today is the first day I'm not fasting.

I missed fasting at Mecca & Medina. It was the most wonderful experience that will never ever felt at any other place. Alhamdulillah I have experienced it twice.

The feeling of you with other thousands of people praying with the imam's voice reciting the Quran verses was so calming. Seriously I tried to describe here but I found it very hard to tell the real feeling and I just has to deleted the sentences again.

When can I go back there again. Before this the fasting month was in winter so it was quite cold in Mecca and very cold in Medina. Now the Ramadhan is starting to come near the summer, so I'm not sure if it's be any different there.

One thing I learned most while fasting there is that everybody is equal. You and the rest of people there gets the same space to worship Allah. It just that how lucky (or how early) you are there. In a place hundred of thousands people at the same place, a tiny place that you can stand, sit and maybe sujud is a luxury already. You tend to not being fussy where you can pray. That's why sometimes I get pissed off with people in Malaysia who mengada-ngada when in mosque.

Anyway, if I have the money to do umrah again, I will definitely going on Ramadhan. And I'm hoping this time around I will come with a husband and that will be more meaningful. =)

Stress-o-rama

I just wish that I had the guts to send the ‘letter’ even though I have no another job to back up. The stress is building up and my asthma who has left me at least 5 years, suddenly happily migrate in my lung again. And I think he gonna stay that a quite some time. He was going to left me again, but he, who only ‘visit’ me when I really really really stress, chose to stay since that’s the way I am now.

My history of asthma went back when I was small. During the primary school years, it was like the most productive time. I got it almost every month. But when I was small, it’s usually because of food and environment. When I was in upper secondary school, it was rarely infected. After that, it was like almost none. It felt like it’s coming, but early intervention has stopped it. Usually when I was damn stress (when even migraine can’t handle the powerfulness of the stress). Now, I guess the situation has returned. I was ok after MC 2 days. But returning the job I hate, listening to the voice I hate, watching the face I hate, I sensed that my asthma is coming back. Sigh…

My whole point is not about my asthma but how stress I am now. I miss the first few months of my job. It was exciting and I learnt a lot. But now, everything turned like hell. The funny part is, all my colleague are supporting my by telling me the worst story about that ‘guy’ when they were under them. Hahaha… It’s like everybody in the company knows about it. Haha…

Hmmm…. Anybody have any job to give me? I’m willing to learn new things. I mean what I’m right now is way far from what my degree stated. I can adapt to environments but I can’t adapt to s****d boss. Especially when he blamed me for his all mistakes and make me look stupid in front of people. Do you think I’m going far if the senior boss looks at me as an useless worker?

Of Quality, Environment, Health and Safety

Trying to distract myself from the work that I dislike, I joined extra-curricular at my workplace. Since my friend asked me if I want to join her committee, I just agree. So here am I in the Quality & EHS (Environment, Health and Safety) Awareness Committee. I guess this is the best committee to join. With friendly and surprisingly all women committee, I felt like am a part of team.

I joined at the perfect timing as they preparing for Q & EHS Week 2007. It was held earlier this month and I proudly said, I contribute quite a lot. Hehe... My friend and I was in charge of designing the banner, banting, mug and T-shirt. I'm so happy to do the designing thing coz that what I really like to do. I like art but never given an opportunity to expand it.

Anyway, that week was hectic. And the worst part is, I was down with fever. Luckily I was only fully involved on Wednesday for GMP game and Monday the week after that for closing. But on Friday I realized that I have signed up for Safety Hunt (it's treasure hunt with different name). I tried to find substitute coz I don't think I well enough to join a hunt but nobody wanted to. So I joined je la since I already promised my team.

There I was on Saturday morning cracking my head with all my teammates while ignoring my health for a while. In blazing hot sun I stood looking for answers. But... it was not useless. We won 2nd place... wooohhooo.... I can't believe it. We won a hamper and RM300. Berbaloi bangun awal-awal.

My team: Me, Kak Entan from HR and Siew Lei from QA.

The Winning Team =)

So on Monday, I forced myself to come to work because it's the closing ceremony for that week. And of course the prize giving ceremony for the Safety Hunt. I came half day only and because I'm in the committee, I have to help out. I end out become sicker.

Me & the committee singing our heart out ...hhehe..

So the next 2 days, I was on medical leave because my fever has turned to asthma attacks. Geezzz... I guess the objective of Q & EHS week for healthy life was not working for me.... Hahahaha...

The last smile before I was driven home and give 2 days of MC....

Long Merdeka Weekend

The weekend started with 30 minutes bang of firework. The longest time I ever saw in my life. 30 minutes of ooohhss and aaahhs and then 2 hours of traffic jam. Was forcing myself not to fall asleep just to teman zainal driving. (and he blackmailed me to left me in the car in dengkil if I felt asleep). What I do to stay awake? Singing songs with the radio and doing stupid stuff until at 1 point zainal asked me to sleep coz he can't handle my psychoness. Nasib lar. I made some observation also that night. Kekentalan seorang ayah membawa keluarga menonton fireworks and end up in the 2 hours jam while all the family members were happily sleeping in different funny position in the car. And then I remember my dad. I always sleep whenever we went more than 1.5 hours trip. Kesian my dad kena drive.

I missed the merdeka perarakan this year. I meant to watch it (on TV of course). Just want to see what was UEM uniform this year. Since I'm part of it now, so mesti ambil tahu! Was sleeping till noon. That evening I made some decision that until now I'm not sure it's the correct one or just pure waste of money. I'm still confused.....Waaaa...

Anyway, Nadhirah got engaged yesterday and also her birthday. What a wonderful time to get engaged right. She looked gorgeous in orange. Most of all, I love the tepung pelita. Sedaaapp...

At the end, this weekend can be considered well filled in and lots of sleeping (which is great, according to me). Tomorrow going to start another hectic working week coz the EHS Week is on and I'm part of it and... I got presentation on Friday which I haven't done anything yet. Sigh...

(Next time will try to write something interesting than my life)

Malaysia International Firework Competition 07

Since blogger has now added video viewer, I want to add my first video: The International Firework Competition at Putrajaya. This is team Global.

I love fireworks... If their not expensive, I might have one during my wedding.... hahaaha....
I will go to Putrajaya again for the merdeka day & the grand finale which is 2 sept. They are very beautiful. I wish somebody wants to give give me free tickets to watch it at PICC. Then the true formation can be clearly seen. The ticket a bit pricey though. RM 38.40.... hmmm... anybody? Hehhehee.... here's one video of that night fireworks. ( Was thinking of posting 2 videos but nak upload 1 video pun dah ages, so 1 is enough la)....

OK.......after waiting for almost half hour, blogger happily announced that 'there's some error in uploading your video and please contact bla bla bla'............

Arrrggghhh.... sorry guys, maybe next time. I need to sleep.

There's a place in hell for bosses

It's Sunday night and I dread tomorrow. I hate Monday morning coz I have to carry all the stuff back to Kajang. At the end of the week, I drag back all my stuff to my home. I have been doing that for almost 6 years now since Asasi. I can plan my whole week clothing in 10 minutes with packing. At one point, I wish I can stop all this and settle at one place.

Monday morning means the starting of another 1 hell working week. I never complained in my blog about my job but today, I just have to let it go. I hate my job. Really really hate. Every time a person resigns, I felt envy. I wish I can do that. This hatred started when I have to change department and superior. I like the previous superior and still like. But the current one just piss me off.

The only thing that keep me is the colleagues and my previous superior that was so supportive, friendly, caring and we are like one big family. Which obviously exclude my boss.

You know if you are stress, your body immune is weaken right. That's what happening to me. I easily get fever and my sinus has worsen. It felt like I'm the sickest person ever. The ultimate stress cause is that I sit just behind my boss. Should I say that we are cubicle neighbour. All he has to do is turn around and call me. Damn it. I hate it!!!

10 Things I hate About You:
10. I hate the way you always think that you are the best but every suggestion you give always fail
9. I hate the way you push people to do your work fast but you will put aside when we give it to you
8. I hate that the fact that you never trust and listen what I said. Do you think I'm stupid?
7. I hate the way your ringtones sound coz it just so irritating
6. I hate the way you never satisfy in everything I do
5. I hate the way you want to show you are the best and at the end you force me to do it
4. I hate the way you kedekut ilmu just because you scared that that person become better than you
3. I hate the way you think you know all but I know you don't know
2. I hate the way to all not satisfy with EVERYTHING but you never want to go to meeting to speak up your opinion.
1. I just hate you when you ask me to do things that won't be used. It a waste of my time and energy!!!!!!
0. I hate it when you purposely didn't come on the day that have meeting with senior manager and I have to replace you.

All time obsession: scuba diving

Scuba diving is something I really really want to experience and at the same time obtain the Open Water PADI license. This obsession has started few years ago and it never faded away. So this is not hangat-hangat tahi ayam kind of thing.

My first plan was to get the license after graduating which are few months before I get a job. But no money la plak. Scuba diving is not a cheap hobby. You need at least RM 1400 to get the license. So the plan was abandoned. But the passion of learning scuba is still burning that I went to this one scuba shop in Bangi just to look around. But that one is quite expensive. Plus the guy that is quite annoying that he sms me a lot of time to make me join their class. They charged you RM1500 for whole package. So the plan was abandoned again.

So last 2 weeks, my boss asked me if I wanted to try an introductory class for scuba diving which cost RM60 only. I said why not, I mean it’s better to try one day than never try at all. So last week, I took half day leave and when to the Cheras with my boss and Zainal to experience scuba diving.

After that 1 day course, all I can said is WOW… It’s not that hard at all. I mean, I can swim down to 10 feet and stay underwater for 30 minutes. Of course I’m not perfect yet. I’m still out of balance, I still don’t know how to prevent getting dry throat and few other stuff but for someone who only using that SCUBA equipment for 1 hour, that was big achievement. (and same goes to Zainal and my boss… in fact my boss looks so natural, as if he has dived before. To tell the truth, I was kinda worst among the 3 people there… heheh).

That place runs by Major Kee who has own swimming pool and all the equipment situated in Cheras. The whole package is RM 699 (not including trip to Redang which is cost another RM400). This is the cheapest so far I have come through. It’s including 5 sessions and full use of the swimming pool and equipment. Means that even after that 5 sessions, you still come to that place and use all the equipment for free (no limited time). So if you think you need 10 more time to practice, just go there. It’s only applicable before you get the license la.

I want to join!!!… Mak even has approved (coz she knows that I’ve been bugging her for years) and also approve to sponsor 1/3 of the expenses (I don’t even asked her!). So right now, my path is clear. I’m just waiting for Zainal to make up his mind. Huhu…

Last night, I met Copot (who already has advanced license and aiming to get Divemaster license. Damn, I’m so jealous) and asked him everything about scuba. He showed his dive trip pictures and I’m so want to do that too… Tension la Copot… All I can think today is scuba diving. (lagi2 kena kerja hari Sabtu ni).

On second thought, it’s already raining season right now. Furthermore, middle of next month is already Ramadhan, then Raya. After Raya, the monsoon season starts in east coast. If I want to wait for end of monsoon season, then I have to wait till March… Waaa… that’s a long time to go… I already have my heart for scuba that I restrain myself buying new handphone even though Nokia 6110 Nagivator looks alluring.

So Zainal… cepat make up your mind!!

When working on Saturday

My company has declared 4 days of mass vacation during Raya. It was divided into 2 days before Raya and 2 days after Raya. However, we have to replace our leave on Saturdays. The replacement started today. Of all the days, TODAY… What’s so significant is today? Today is the release of Harry Potter final book!! And I obviously has booked it earlier at MPH. I was so excited to read the book after being disappointed by the latest Harry Potter film that I watched last week. Seriously, is this the same guy who directed the first Harry Potter film? Coz both was sucks. I know it’s hard to squeeze all the story in the Kamus Dewan thick Harry Potter book into 2 hours of movie, but give the film some credit la. Especially the part when Sirius Black died. He’s the only family that Harry Potter has and put la some emotion when Black died. Make it longer the scene to let the audience feel the loss and sorrow that Potter felt. But there’s nothing to be felt. Trust me, I can cried when anybody died in movies if given the right dose of emotion (I cried watching Four Brothers, 300 and all the action movie where they have somebody died. It’s normal ok. It showed that I have feeling and passionate about life. Huh).

Anyway, here I am stuck in the office doing nothing progressive cause my brain didn’t program to work on Saturdays. But fear not, I already applied for half day leave and after this I can rush to Mid Valley to collect my book with Zainal. Oh, he also one of the victim that couldn’t collect his book because he has to wait for me. Hehe…

I have this idea that guys don’t like to read books. Well most of the guys I know at least. Btw, magazine is not consider a book ok. Let’s be fair la, there are some girls who don’t read books too la. But not as many as guys la kan. However, if the guy read Harry Potter books only, it would meant a lot to me already. Because, Harry Potter has this ability to make want to know more when you read it. If you want to read Harry Potter to sleep you off, you make a grave mistake. Instead you will stay up all night long to finish up that book. This was not only happened to me only but few people I know. But there was a rare case that that person actually didn’t finish up a chapter and fell asleep and just stop reading that book It’s either she doesn’t understand English or she just doesn’t understand English. That’s the only reason I can’t think of. Oh yeah, maybe she can’t read.

Maybe I should do book review after I finish up reading that book. And other books too. Yup, like the travel tips I did. That’s remind me a book that I really recommend to all. Oh, that would be in the next post.

Accepting oneself

You always heard people said that 'I don't care what people say about me as long as I'm happy'. That's a good principle as long as you don't make stupid stuff that make other people's life miserable. But that principle is only true only and if only it's apply to other people that you don't know.

When it comes to someone that you need to get approval with like your boss, your parents and your future mother-in-law, that principle might not be suitable. Especially your future mother-in-law la kan. Coz usually father-in-law is not so fussy like woman right.

Then your 'does-she-approve-me-if-I....' would took place. Questions like

1. Does she really want to let his youngest son to marry me?
2. Does she approve me if I don't know how to cook (the fact that his son is a better cook than me)?
3. Does she think that I suitable for his youngest son & would take care of him like she did?
4. Does she want a girl like me?
5. Do I fit all the specifications that she had in mind?
6. Will I be her best daughter-in-law ever?
7. Does she mind if I wake up late on weekends (weekends je)?
8. Does she think that I can produce cute grandsons and granddaughters for her?
9. Does she accept the way I am (coz that would a lot of areas that I need to rework, reprocess and re-engineer to improve myself, considering my current position)?
   
10. Does she accept her daughter-in-law wearing Optimus Prime mask saying 'This is Optimus Prime' with no purpose basis (on second thought, does she really want a Optimus Prime obsessed girl with deep knowledge of Ultraman and thinks anime character can be soo handsome (but his son is the most handsome of all time, hands down))?

Ok... I'm being paranoid here. At the end, she just want his youngest son to be happy and loved right. I'm sure he feels happy and feel loved right now, right.

The bottom line is, we always want approval from others. Maybe not from all the people (unless you are running for presidency) but to those that close and important to us, we seek their approval unconsciously. We need to be accepted by the way we are to feel that we are someone in this world and part of this world. Even one person is enough to give us some confidence. But to find someone that really accepts us the way we are is the hardest part. Sometimes even family just won't recognize our true self especially if we are different from the others. Therefore, always cherish people that care and accept you in their life.

Would be nice to wear this during Halloween

Yeah, like Malaysia celebrate this Halloween lah. On second thought, not necessary Halloween je... now also can right. I want this:

Optimus Prime Voice Charger Helmet.
Product Features * Become the mighty leader of the AUTOBOTS! * The ultimate headgear for any OPTIMUS PRIME fan, strap on this awesome helmet and rule the galaxy with awesome electronic features! * Hear conversion sounds of OPTIMUS PRIME changing from a truck to a robot and back again, or hear OPTIMUS PRIME movie battle phrases like, "I am OPTIMUS PRIME!", "The DECEPTICONS must be stopped!" * Easy-to-adjust straps allow you to fit the helmet comfortably on your head. * Adjusts to fit head sizes ages 5 through adult

So cool... I can look and sound like Optimus Prime. wooohhooo...
Found this in NST. Really funny article & the reason I want to buy this:

Mild-mannered reporter RIDZWAN A. RAHIM suddenly booms with authority when he puts on the Optimus Prime Voice Changer Helmet.

WHAT: OPTIMUS PRIME VOICE CHANGER HELMET
IT’S LIKE: Something for the costume party, except that you can actually sound like Optimus Prime, leader of the good guys in Transformers.
MISSING FEATURE: Won’t let you turn into a truck.
PRICE: RM169.90
AVAILABILITY: Jaya Jusco, Toys R Us. It’s everywhere.

I heard some electronic voices coming from your desk. I thought you were watching a pirated copy of the Transformers movie but when I turned around, it was Optimus Prime himself sitting at the desk.
Hah! That’s because I have this Optimus Prime Voice Changer Helmet from Hasbro. So now when I say “I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots”, people will believe me. I no longer sound like a mild-mannered reporter.
Yeah, I must admit I was surprised. The helmet has given you such leadership qualities. Is it heavy?
Leading a pack of robots to save the world is always a heavy responsibility.

No, I mean the helmet.
Oh. No, it’s just plastic. It has adjustable straps on the inside so anyone can wear it; from children to adults. The visors are yellow but you can see quite clearly. This is important because you don’t want to be yelling “Die, Decepticon scum!” at your mother because you thought she was your brother.
But the real reason why you’ll pay RM169.90 for this thing is the mic inside the helmet.
Speak into the mic and you’ll sound like Peter Cullen, the voice behind Optimus Prime in the original 1980s TV series, as well as the movie that’s opening tomorrow.

Sa-weet!
Ah, but the helmet probably won’t be of much help if your voice is already like Alvin of Chipmunks fame to begin with. In fact, the instruction says you should use a deep voice when talking into the mic.

So what else can the helmet do?
Apart from the voice changer, it has two other buttons. One button will spew Optimus Prime battle phrases while the other will emit realistic transformation sounds. You know, “khu-khu-khe-khe-khi!”.

Alright! So I’m set for battle. I talk like Optimus Prime, I even make transformation sounds like Optimus Prime. But can I actually turn into a truck?
A: You’ll be surprised. There are fans who like Transformers so much, they have created robot suits that will allow them to actually transform into vehicles. I’ve seen the videos on YouTube.

You’re beginning to sound like a weirdo. I meant that question to be a joke. I didn’t expect you to say yes.
Oh, and perhaps it will also help if you are actually a contortionist?

Look, can we get off the subject?
Alright, alright. But as far as I’m concerned, this helmet is good enough. My fantasy of becoming the leader of the Autobots has been fulfilled and my life is complete. The only other helmet that I have always wanted is the Darth Vader Voice Changer Helmet.

Oh yeah, that’s one cool gadget as well. All the guys I know want to sound like Vader.
I’ll go one better. Not only would I sound like Vader, I’d use it to scare the postman. I would also go around saying “This is CNN”, thereby puting James Earl Jones out of business.

The Youtube clip I found is this one:

On serious side: I really want this but is too pricey for something that you just want to fool around.... Haha... any Bill Gates here that want to present me with this? =)

Travel tips - Perhentian Island

Perhentian Island is one of the many island in east coast of Malaysia in the state of Terengganu. It was divided into Perhentian Kecil (Small Perhentian) and Perhentian Besar (Big Perhentian). Both islands are next to each other and you can take boat to go there. There is no significant different between both island (according to me la) as both give you the clear blue water, white sandy beach and many snorkeling area.

Since I just come back from there, there's few tip I would like to share to those who likes to travel there with tight budget and at the same time enjoy every moment of your vacation.

Tips on traveling to Perhentian Island if you are a budget traveler:

• We can take boats to Perhentian Island at Kuala Besut jetty. How to get to Kuala Besut. If by air, take flight to Kota Bharu. From Kota Bharu, take taxi to Kuala Besut. Usually it’s around 1 hour and cost from RM50-RM60. By bus, you have two options. There’s a bus company called Mahligai that take you direct to Kuala Besut. It’s usually departs from Putra Bus Station, Kuala Lumpur at 9-9.30 pm and arrives at 5.30am. There are many other bus company but they only take you to Jerteh. From Jerteh to Kuala Besut takes about 20-30 minutes. You can take taxi (cost around Rm12-15 per cab in daytime. Not sure if it’s different on the wee hours) or bus (cost you only RM1.50 per person but the schedule is very unreliable).
• Use backpack as your luggage. This is because between the jetty to your resort in Perhentian Island, you need to change to smaller boat. May resort doesn’t have jetty and you are force to cross over the boats in the middle on the ocean. It is wise to bring backpack as it is easier. Imagine you bring the rectangular plastic luggage that have wheels, it’s heavy and you need to balance yourself with your beg at one hand to cross over the boats. Hmmm… dangerous. But don’t worry, the boatmen are very nice people, they will help you.
• The first boat departs from Kuala Besut usually at 9am and the last one at 5pm. But there’s one travel agency, Kuala Besut Travel Agency, their boats depart at 7.30 am. And their people will wait for you when you arrive at Kuala Besut at the bus stop even at 5.30am. Other travel agency only open at 8am. Including mine. Sigh.
• Don’t be afraid if you arrive at 5am coz there’s few restaurants that already open and you can hang out there. And there’s surau nearby. And there’s also parking lot that charged you on day-to-day basis. Suitable for those for drive to Kuala Besut.
• There’s a lot of resort / chalet there on the island, from the most expensive (Perhentian Island Resort) to RM 20 per night chalet. Depending on your budget, you can choose these varieties of chalet at various locations on Perhentian Kecil and Besar. The backpackers’ chalet usually is a walk-in basis with no booking service. Some resort reserves some chalet for walk-in and doesn’t open to travel agency to book. You can check out this website: www.pulauperhentian.com.my. & www.perhentianisland.com.my.
• I’ve been here twice and both trip I stayed in Flora Bay Resort which situated in Teluk Dalam, Perhentian Besar. Likes is very subjective. Some might not like it but I like this resort. First trip was 10 years ago but last month I went there, the place was still the same. Same white sandy beach. Clear blue water. What I like that the waves are not so big, very calm and you can even see a school of ikan bilis swimming by the beach. They provide many hammocks under the trees and you just can sleep by the sea in the afternoon without fearing of sunburn. The people they are friendly and they don’t disturb you.
• The thing about Teluk Dalam beach is there are many other resorts such as Everfresh, Fauna, Samudera and Arwana. So you can choose the variety of food at different restaurants. I’ve taste Flora Bay and Fauna and both are delicious. These resorts also have their own dive centre fro those who wants to scuba dive.
• Where sun screen / sun block. It’s not about getting tan or scared to get tan but to protect from sunburn. There’s one guy in our snorkeling trip got sunburn on the first trip and can’t join for the second trip. Rugi jer.
• For snorkeling trip, there are many prices on what I observed. My travel agency (Anjung Holidays Travel Agency) charged RM 35 per person per trip but at Flora Bay Resort, they charged RM45 per person per trip. However, I already checked area of the trip cover and both showed the same place, which is marine park, turtle area, shark area and spring water. I think 1 trip would be not enough especially if you go in the evening coz the turtle couldn’t be seen. I went twice and both trips were at different place and time except the shark area. The evening trip usually at 2pm and the morning trip at 10am.
• Make sure that your boatman (aka tour guide) showed you the exact place. My boatman actually swam together and brought us to the exact place to see the sharks. And some other area in the marine park where you can see a school of big fishes (a kind that size of more that half of your body). It would be a waste if he just drop you at a place without you knowing what to expect. You might end up seeing the same species of that small fish at every stop.
• To make your snorkeling fun, bring a loaf of bread. Fishes will surround you to eat the bread. The second trip we were lucky to bring the bread coz then only I felt like a part of nature. Even bigger size of fish (a size of 2 palm hands) came to enjoy your bread. They are very gentle creature. Except 1 fish, the others never bite you. Ok, maybe they might confuse your hand with the bread once a while but it was not painful. The best part is that they will stay with you for a while even after the bread finish.
• If you have the water resistant camera, this is the time to utilize it to the maximum. The view under the water was breathtaking. If you don’t have, don’t worry. You can always buy the instant camera (the one that come with the film & once finished, you can’t refill the film). It’s around RM37-40 for 27 shots. Ok lah… The pictures were acceptable la. (For example: You can see my previous post where there’s picture of swimming with fishes. That pictures were using that camera.)
• It’s advisable to bought your mineral water before going to island. The price was twice than normal. The large mineral water (1.5L) is enough la per person to carry & drink at least for 1 and half day. Bring biscuits & snacks coz everything there was expensive.
• However, the food there was not very expensive. Not the certain point of too expensive that it’s not acceptable. The range was ok and asked for seafood coz their seafood was fresh.
• Don’t go to Kuala Besut and Jerteh on Friday. All shops closed except grocery shop. Enough said.
• Lastly, just enjoy the every moment. Life might not as exciting as in the city but it’s very relaxing and calm. The people over there are very friendly and they did everything is no rush manner. (That’s explains the unreliable bus schedule). After 3 days there, I was also infected with that no rush symptoms. It was nice to live in place where you don’t have to rush from one place to another place. (And it’s good for your heart too. Hehe)

Can’t think of anything to add. If there are any more tips, I will update it. Btw, those who has any tips on Perhentian Island, please add at the comment.

Note: Instead of just describing of fun I have and what I did, it’s better for me to do this travel tips thingy right. At least can give some points to those who interested of going that place.

Secret Escapade

It's time to slow down.
To remind me that life needs to be balance between work and rest.
To enjoy the beautiful nature that Allah has given to our country.
To watch days went by slowly.To enjoy life with the loved ones.
To be part of the nature and appreciate their existence in our life.
To just lay down and smell the salted water.
And buried legs in pearl white sand.It was the most wonderful 3 days I ever had.

Gift de Mazu - the best online gift shop!!

Dear families and friends,

I would like to introduce to you my online gift shop. We have a very exclusive range of gift at affordable price. Please visit and shop at Giftdemazu. Or click at the right sidebar to directly link to Gift de Mazu.

Gift de Mazu is a partnership between me and Zainal. It's our baby and we can assure you that our products are in very good condition. We accept credit cards, bank transfer (Maybank & CIMB) and Paypal.

Some of our products:

A decorative frame that design personally and message can be customized inside the frame for free... So this would be the only one of it's kind in the world!!

Table organiser.... Original Thermos mug with clock and stationary holder. Great gift for father, husband or your boss...

Lockets with necklace for that loving couple so each of you will get half each. Is it cool and romantic... Btw, it's a silver layered on real Washington quarter...

For more products, please visit Gift de Mazu now...

Caution: Egotism on the run

The lack of update caused by the lack of any interesting activity to write on and the fact that my office pc has to be sent for repair. So I have to share the work station with others. It felt like I’m not sharing but conquering the work station. Hehe. But this work station is next to printer where everybody will look at my monitor every time they want to retrieve their printed document. So no fooling around and it’s kind of boring.

This morning while trying to find a document, I stumbled across a justification on recruitment. Being a curious cat, I obviously opened a file that for my position. (Don’t worry, this is not P&C I guess, since it was put in the general folder which can be access to everybody.) Now I know that there’s few other applicant for this position. They have short listed 2 persons including me. Sangat bangga ok.

Then there’s a review how am I as a person from the eyes of interviewer which really really made my day today. Seriously I can’t believe that I was that good according to the person who just meet me and interviewed me for 1 and half hours. But the proudest moment was this part: the only statement in ‘Treat’ area was “May be easily employed by others”. I was like WOW!!!! Easily employed by others? Tonight, I can sleep with a huge smile.

Suddenly I have this feeling of doing my job extra good. To prove to the peoples that hire me that I’m what they think when they interviewed me before. To prove that they chose the right one and they will not regret of having me joining their team. Wow, I’m so full of energy and inspiration. (I don’t know how long this motivation will last.).

Since, I’m so inspired, I better stop now and indulge myself with the world of pharmaceutical engineering….

Ps: Excuse me if you find yourself in the verge of puking. Haahaahaha.

MC every month

Lately my immune system is not in very condition. I noticed that every month I will get fever. Not the serious type one but something that you can get at least 1 day MC la. Always the same symptoms; sore throat, runny nose or blocked nose, slight fever, ache all over the body and headache. Is there something that not balance in my diet? I eat a bar of oat every morning which is good to reduce cholesterol right. I try to eat my greens with every meal. Additional supplement is only taken when I can remember (I did my own vitamin C... hehe.. (masa untuk berlagak jap) which is usually 3-4 times a week. So what's wrong.

To think that I work hard till night, that's not possible. I'm not that workaholic okay. Oh ya, I did exercise. Ok once. Just started last week. See, when I started exercising last week, this week I got fever. Like today ok. It started yesterday when I was shivering at office and at the same time running up and down to get my documents ready. Today, I just flat on bed. Maybe I should start exercising twice a week and we see how that's go.

Or maybe somebody has a good supplement to recommend?

He's turn to turn 24

I fell in love when I first knew him. And that was 10 years ago. He's one of my closest friend that I shared many secrets. He's someone who cheered my life everyday. Then he was transferred to another school and somehow fate wants us to be friend and never lost contact. Funny thing about that decade where Friendster hasn't been created, I never met him and I don't know that he was growing so fast. But he never missed my birthday and I would always get a plush toy on my birthday. Who would have thought that emails and phone calls friendship has turned something more. 5 years after that we become couple and still going strong.

He's someone who would help his family and friends witout any complain which totally opposite of me. He's very understanding and very very patient with me. Something that very hard to do if you know me. He's very independent and very good with people. He's one of the closest people in my life. Every joy, pain and secret was shared with him.

Today he turned 24 years old. 10 days younger than me but he was way matured than me emotionally. I love him very much. I love his sense of humour. I love the way he take care of me. I love the way he shows me love. I love the way he taught me a lot of thing about life. I love his hardwork on our site. I love his love to animals. I love the way he does everything he does. I love everything about him.

Like someone quote,
"He's not perfect but he's perfect for me" and "He not everything but everything mean nothing without him."

So sayang, Happy 24th Birthday. May Allah bless every aspect of you life and hope your life will get better and success will come your ways... I believe in you.

xoxo,
Munm

Two events

Last Friday on May 4th, I turned 24. In this 24 years of living in this world, I still don't know what I want in life. I know what I want but when it's gonna happen and what I do to make happen or more precisely if it's gonna happen is something that I don't know.

I know I want to do master but not in Biomedical Engineering obviously, but something that combine business and engineering. I want to take up course in arts. I love arts and the fact my parents didn't let me take architecture once upon a time ago is not going to decrease my love to arts. I want to study in other country. I don't want to continue study in Malaysia. I want to experience living somewhere else and challenged myself of surviving it there.

On short term plan, I want a studio apartment to live by myself. I don't want to live at others house and treat live a penyemak. I will stay in this company the longest 1 and half year. This is not what I want in life. Waking up in the morning feeling hatred and loathed at my own job and boss. I don't feel any satisfaction or even I don't know what I'm doing in this company. I don't shine coz I don't have the light to shine. After 7 months here, I still couldn't figure out a single thing about drugs.

On the other note, last monday which is May 7th was me and Zainal 5th year anniversary. Five years is quite long time for unmarried couple right. We've been through many stages of our live when we were together.

Five years is a long time to get to know with each other. We know what each other will say after we said something. We know what each othet likes and dislikes. We know each other family and friends.

But I discovered that there's a lot that we don't know about each other. We don't know how each other feel if we said something. We don't know each how each other feel with our actions. We don't know how to react when one person fell sick. We don't know how to put our interest aside when one was in pain. We don't know how to pujuk when one is merajuk. We don't know how to give massage to one's when one is in pain. (but we know how to give one when we know we'll get something after that). We don't know how to keep our promise to each other when something better comes after that. (or maybe we thought that he/she will understand it since we've been together for so long). We don't know that when one's in pain, one's doesn't want anything but a company to stay by one's side through one's pain. We don't know how to tolerate each other different lifestyle status.

Yeah, there's a lot we don't know about each other.

Everybody's hurt somebody before

Everybody's been hurt by somebody before

You can change but you will always come back for more

Its a game and we are all just victims of love.

Don't try to fight it, victims of love

You can't decide it, victims of love, victims of love

-Victims of love by Good Charlotte

Don't go to Bun's SD Accesories Workshop!!!!

I always hate going to the car workshop. Those people there think that because we, women don't know much about car, so we can be cheated easily. So when a friend of mine open his own workshop, I was quite happy coz at least I can trust my friend.

But after 2 times services at his shop, my car suddenly has jammed it's brake. As usual, I called him to tow my car and repaired whatever it need to be repaired. Today, after phone call from him telling that I can take my car, I found out that the total was RM 554! For heaven's sake what the hell he did to my car that I need to pay that amount. Last month I just had a major service to that car and it cost RM500 too. I was bloody mad okay.

Then when I reached there with Zainal, we looked that 'jam' body pump of the brake that cost RM285. I looked at the bill at it said that he repaired the kit too which cost RM95 (later I fpund out from Zainal's friend that supply Proton spare parts that it was cost only RM45). And the labour changes increased to RM65 (last month was RM60 which is quite expensive too).

At that moment, me, someone who hardly get mad to strangers, just couldn't hold my anger. I straight said to his face that why every month I came to this shop, the labour charges keep increasing. Zainal was saying that the repair kit was usually around RM50. When he heard that, he just kept quiet like he knew that he was caught. After some hassling, he 'discounted' to RM500 only. Imagine if I just keep quiet and pay the stated amount? Next time he just increases the labour changes or whatever things again.

I really pissed of with him. I never knew him that well at school because he was the 'budak-budak bermasalah' back then. Yeah, some habit is hard to die isn't it. If you are SMKSJ, you know who I'm talking about.

In the midst of angriness, he offered a membership card to his shop with annual fees of R80. Kepala hotak kau orang nak amik membership tu. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, you think I'm that stupid to let that happen? I will not go to his shop anymore.

I really hate people that asking their friends to come to their shop to 'help' them la, but the end they the one that cheated us straight to our own face. I will never forgive him for that. The worst part was he said something like it was bad luck this thing happened to me coz this problem rarely happen. Yeah, my bad luck la you cheating ass.

If a unknown shop cheat me, I might not that angry okay. Because dah kena pun. But for somewhere that I've come regularly and also someone that I know (I even praised him to my family), that was a big fat tight slap to my face okay.

At eve of my 24th birthday, I was freaking mad and broke another RM500 for the second month.

Good Charlotte weekend

It has been long since I updated this blog. It's always the same reason, nothing to write and I was not feeling very well last week that lead to 2 days of MC. But last Friday I was shocked to received this:

Waaaahhh.... 4 tickets to MTV Live Good Charlotte. I hardly joined any contest and when I join this, I don't expect to win. But... I did. Suddenly all the unwellness just disappeared. That Saturday I was on the best behaviour. Woke up early, eat breakfast and ate my medicine at specific time (which I should do everyday).

That evening went to Bukit Jalil with Zainal, Naqib and his friend. Luckily Naqib met his friends there, so we parted. It was drizzling for a while but thank God it stop after that. Then met Kamil and Jet and Kamil's sis there too. The area was divided into 2. The front stage was reserved for so-called VIP which is DiGi's Fuiyooh customers and the back part was for us the non-DiGi people. This DiGi's Fuiyooh thing really annoying with their constant screaming Fuiyoh at the top of their lung at every 10 minutes.

The show started with 3 local artists which was One Buck Short, Estranged and Lo. Then the real deal started. It was amazing... I knew all of their song. Yes, I was shocled myself. I tried not to scream so much for the sake of my sore throat. So I replaced my screaming mood with jumping up and down and swaying to their song... it was really fun...

It was really fun night for few reasons:
1) The music was great. Good Charlotte was great. Never been their greatest fan but I love their songs
2) Free tickets.
3) Was admitted into the VIP area which is in the front stage before the Good Charlotte performed. Huhu... No need to be DiGi's customer la.
4) Free drinks, thanks to the abang security. At least I won't blackout in the sea of people there.

5) Free goodies from DiGi... apperantly this one DiGi staff was 'berkenan' with me that he tried to give at least something to me...haha... (which pissed Zainal off)

While waiting the show to start...

View that soon will changed with 10 000 people (what the newspaper said la) packed this area.

Joel Madden... (blur picture)... Zainal got a very nice video but malasla nak post kat sini...

How Does Depression Manifest Itself ?

Found this in this site: http://suicidal.com/depressionfaq/q5.html

Loss of Normalcy

Loss of the comfortable, predictable, familiar, secure, self
Loss of drive, direction, power, control
Loss of energy, joy, humor, love, happiness

Replaced With Pain and Negativity

You can't remember what it was ever like to feel normal.

You can't remember a time when you weren't like this.

You feel worthless and that your life has no meaning.

You can't tell anyone how you feel. You hold it in. You try to act normal.

It's painful to be with people. You feel that you don't belong. Everything they say hurts.

If you tell someone, you will cry. You will feel foolish, they wouldn't understand.

They don't care or understand. You feel they can't help you anyway.

You feel that no one and nothing can help you.

You feel "hopelessness to infinity"

Painful just to exist. Everything hurts. Painful to try to do anything, take a walk, fix dinner, wash the dishes, take a bath.

You feel tired. Just standing up you are tired. You feel the pull of Gravity weighing you down.

What's the point of living when you just want to die ? Why bother, why force it ?Who cares
anyway.

You wonder what is going to happen to you. If only you could just close your eyes and disappear.

If only you could just go to sleep and never wake up.

You cry out for help when you are alone. You want to scream, wail, cry out to God or the Universe to help you... or to let you die.

Suicidal Thoughts overwhelm you with excruciating pain, urging, compelling you toward death.

Death calls to you, wordlessly from within darkness, the blackness, pulling you, drawing you in.

You feel like you are dying.

Help your friends if they have this symptoms or they told you something disturbing. A simple gesture might change their life... you never know right.

Pharmaniaga Hats Off Night

How could I forgot to post about one of the biggest event in Pharmaniaga? What else than Pharmaniaga Hats Off Night 2006. Was happening last week at Sheraton Subang. It was okay but the fact that our table was next to the camera and cause us some awkward moment of trying to be civilised and at the same time enjoying our food. However, we did it with flying colours (say me coz I was hidden by my hat, thank God for that). Hehe...

Vince and Misha Omar performed that night. Vince did some funny (or I must say stoopid) imitation of MTV video clips with the camera. Well, thank God, he's still good looking in person, so he was forgiven. Misha was ok la. Food was okay too, typical chinese food.

The best part of that day was we can head home early that day which was 3pm (company give us some time to prepare ourselves for that big night...hehe). And the door gift was unexpected. Everyone got a pair of watch (his & hers) and beatifully packed in smart looking box. Impressive...

Well, what is word without pictures right. Here goes...

Me and lovely Li Vern

The R&D people.. (minus Siew Lei from QA).

Misha & Vince (gambar gelap pasal taknak pergi depan amik gambar. Taknak jadi groupies la konon)

With my ex-classmate kat UM, Jamal, now working for Pharmaniaga Biomed

This is me

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

tarik rambut

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This thing really test my patience....

Busy weekend

I think last weekend was so short. It's like so many things happened that I didn't have enough time for myself (read: sleep, sleep, sleep). Went to MATTA Fair last Friday night with Zainal and thank God, the people there was not THAT full. At least still can breath. We were walking so fast coz we only had 1 hour to see all the booth. Apperently for scuba diving package, the deal was the same even without the fair. At that moment I wish I won some money that I can indulge myself with holidays. I'm not asking so much, 5K would be enough. Hehe....

Then, we went scouting Ritz Carlton coz we had workshop the next day (ehem, ehem, baru ada kelas gi workshop kat Ritz Carlton). But end up stucked in the jam for I don't know many hours. And locating Rotz Carlton was not a piece of cake. Apparently, only those who know it only know that place. Normal people (like me, that don't need a butler to serve personally) would probably couldn't find it. HA..

The next whole day was filled with marketing strategy and delicious-but-tiny Ritz Carlton food. Seriously, the food was delicious. If only they serve more.... (wishful thinking again). That night we watched 300. People, this is one of the best movie this year. Seriously. If you don't like all the gross fighting scene, there's always meaty muscular and oh-what-a-delicious-body Spartan men to ogle with. Hehe...

Lastly, Sunday was the only day to malas-malas. Oh.... can't wait for the next weekend.

Peace

There's no peace in my heart lately.

Just pure unsafisfaction and hatred.

Everything seems very wrong.

I want everything but nothing obtained.

Ya Allah, please give me mercy and grant me some peaceful in my heart. Amiin...

Happy or meaningful?

Last week on Heroes (that episode 18 for those Malaysian that illegally download it), there's one part where Linderman asked Nathan Petrelli (okay, I'm not going to be a spoiler to those who faithfully follow the story at Astro) if he wants a happy life or meaningful life. Coz he said that you can't have both. If you want happy life, you enjoy your present without worrying about the past and future. If you choose meaningful life, you have to worry about your past and future.

Can we have both? Meaningful and happy. I think we can. If you lead a meaningful life, at your deathbed, you know you have life to the fullest and you'll be happy. If you lead a happy life, your life must be meaningful, right. I mean how come you live a happy meaningless life, do you get what I mean.

On the other hand, there are some people who live a meaningful life without being happy, right. He's become someone important in the country and society but at the same time he's too busy to take time and smell the roses. He missed out all the important people in his life. He's life is meaningful; contributing to country, but does he happy? Maybe not.

But I don't think there's people who is happy but has meaningless life. Nobody lead meaningless life except all that Mat Fit la. But then, they're not happy right. They depend on drugs to be happy (or false happy). Even you just a gardener or whatever, you are someone to somebody. You are somebody's father, mother, uncle, auntie, son, daughter, cousin, friend, wife or husband. So your life is meaningful. Every human Allah made is meaningful. But to find who is happy or not is different story.

So, what do you think? Do you think you are happy? I know you have meaningful life.

Hate me

The thing I learned when you are in a relationship is you should be happy if the other half is happy too even though that happiness does not include me. But why it's hard for me to get it into my head and apply that on my daily life is something I don't understand. Am I too selfish? Am I thinking that the world revolves around me?

Many times I have gone over the limit and ignore that important rule. Therefore, I wanted to apologize from the bottom of my heart what have I done last night and also before this.

But I have learned not to run from my problem and I did it. (Pat on back for myself). At that precise moment, I was thinking of packing my stuff and just walk out of that door. But I kept thinking that if I started doing it today, in future I might repeat it. Then I'll be the wife who run to her parents house because of some stupid argument. And I'll be sending my kids away coz I can't cope with them. No, I'm not going to be like that. I'll be hanging there even it's rip my heart out. I'll face the problem even though I don't know how to solve it. If I failed, at least I can say I've tried.

It was harder to do it than saying it. How you control every bit of your sanity and patience when the other person was totally ignoring even when you are next to them. How inside of you was planning every destructive plan that possible in that particular room but outside you were acting cool. This is not even considering that the other half of your brain was cursing you coz causing this misery. And one point, when all the anger turn to depression, all you want to do is to hurt yourself in return.

Hmm...I'm kinda hate myself right now.

Uncertainty of future

Have you ever want something badly that you patiently work hard and pray that finally archieved that? Then after achieving that, you feel that it's the best thing ever happen, even though there's some cons but overall it's bearable. After that you think that you need to move on to the next step and ready to fully embrace the choice. Suddenly you started to think.

Is it the right choice?
Should I wait maybe a little bit longer then something better come?
What if this IS the best and coz I ditched it, I'll lose it forever?
What if I move on with this, and suddenly better one arrive and I have to let the better one go coz I already commit to the first one?

The uncertainty of future is scary...
Sometimes I wish I can just relax and be happy with what I have right now.
Sometimes I wish I can work harder to get more money coz I want to try many new experience that needs money... like scuba diving, water rafting, absailing at waterfalls....

Ok, breathe in mun... and breathe out....
I'm trying to stop worrying stuff in the future. And trying to stop pressuring myself to please everybody and stop worrying about comparing myself with others. Yes, I'm very competitive. and it's tiring.

I know today at work that

I hate the smell of pine oil. It smells like minyak angin cap kapak but 10 times worst.

I know that by the third experiment using pine oil, I got migraine.

...because of that migraine, I know where is first aid room.

I know that after 10 minutes of searching Synflex at first aid room, Kak ZK think that it might be stolen.

....and Synflex is my only hope to reduce my migraine.

Good news is that my boss keep a stock of it too.

Bad news is that he needs that too for his migraine.

I also know that I'm going to be transferred to another department.

Good news that it's not confirmed yet.

Bad news is that if it's confirmed, I'm gonna miss working in R&D and miss a lots of parties.

I also know that I don't know what to write when I got my migraine.

.....even though I have a whole complete script in my head when I'm not suffering it.