We are only human, but too many errs are way too much to handle, isn't it?

Human sometimes really can test your patience. That's why we are called human at the first place, don't we? These are few things that really pissed me off about human that I've been contacted with:

1. Who thinks that coming to US for my masters degree is like going to vacation. They would said, "How wonderful you got to travel. Oh, I need vacation too." First of all, it's not a vacation. How do you feel to be living alone (these past 1.5 days I'm not alone anymore) with no family and friends yet need to struggle everything from minimal allowance, unpredictable weather to scarce Halal food. Not to mention the stress and pressure of grad school? Though I looked happy posting pictures in FB travelling around the US, that's like 5% of the days that was captured and the other 95% wasn't all sunshine and rainbow. (Got the feeling Disney holiday need to be scraped as budget is not permitting again. Oh well.)
   
2. Someone who complained that they never had enough everything yet they did stuff that surely not for someone who didn't have enough >insert whatever they complain<. For example they said that the money that they get is not enough, yet they went shopping spree like there is no tomorrow. Rasa nak tikam je orang macam ni. Menyampah ok. I don't mind if they rich and have the money to spend, but to complain about not having enough but actually have the money to spend is like what my mom always said "tak syukur nikmat".
   
3. Someone who like to exaggerate every problem that they had. Like wow, their problems were worse than every country in the world problem's combined. And when they survived that problem, they told their success story like they won a Nobel prize without any help of others. Shithead.
   
4. Someone who told the world like they are the best in everything no matter what area or they have the best thing in the world like nobody has what they have. Like when someone they know good in photography, they would be better than that guy and when other people said that he is good in landscaping, suddenly they acclaimed that they are good in landscaping too. WTH?
5. Someone that used the third people (which is someone who is related to the person that they are complaining about) to complain about the other person. For example they have problem with their friends but complained to their mom (!) about that person when they can just talk to their friends. It's their friends btw, why involved parents? That the worst thing I ever encountered at the age of 26. This is not pre-school or primary school ok. So when you have problem with your spouse, you'll complain to your mother-in-law also instead of discuss between both of you? Hah!
   

Ok, I'm in fussy mood right now. Thus this rage leashing post was written. So sometimes I rather be quiet and considered no idea rather than being annoying people that people hate. Thank you.

Ps: Ya Allah, semoga Kau jauhiku dari sikap begini jugak.

Human Bias

Two situations that I have encountered not so recently.

Situation 1

Person X: I couldn't imagine not being close to your own mother. I talked to my mom everyday and we are very close. I pitied her for not being close to her mother. *

Situation 2

Person Y: I couldn't imagine that you have to talk to your mother everyday. It must be suffocated to tell everything to your mom everything. She must felt like she's been controlled.*

Situation 3

Me (thinking): Funny how we evaluated people based on our own bias. We think people are reacting the same way as we feel without we step into their shoes to understand their position. What worse is when we have this bias and we act on trying to 'free' the supposedly 'suppressed' people. For example when the Westerners cried the movement to free the Muslim women who has to cover their body. They said that it's against human right and they should be allowed to flaunt their body which they are restricted from.

First of all, do they think that this Muslim women feel that they are being suppressed as they have to cover all their body? From my opinion, I don't feel like I'm being forced to wear what I'm wearing. I even feel freer than my peers who have to wear sexy clothes just to feel sexy. I felt like they are the victims here as they have to follow the latest fashion, suffer in those tight, short and uncomfortable clothes. You think it's pleasant to wear a tube in the cold fall weather? Now you answer me.

So the conclusion is each life experience gives different impact on different people. Knowing that, we shouldn't made judgment based on our own experiences only. Think deep.


*Not the exact words but the have the same meanings as original. Person X was talking about Person Y and Person Y was talking about Person X.

** For me, I rather have my mom calls me often. Last semester my mom called me everyday but this semester she cut it to once a week since she felt that I'm doing better now. But I love to have her calling me 2-3 times a week.

*** Writing this me made me missed my mom psychology lectures that she loved to give me. Haha. I should take minor in psychology. It's interesting.

Confused

Sometimes some feelings are best left as secrets.

But too many feeling kept inside is not good too.

So what should one do?

Raya 2009

Oh, I was 1 hour late for my 30th Syawal entry. Well, like anybody care kan. I can actually change the posted date but I'm following Duke Honor Code and will not do that. Hehe.

Anyway, I couldn't believe how fast the months go by. One day you were fasting in Ramadhan and now Raya was over.

Well, Raya was not as bad as I thought it would be. Bad by what I meant was like I would cried furiously when talking to my mom or Zainal but I found out that I shred only few tears this year. *Grinned proudly*. Maybe I was expected how it's going to be, so when things happened as what you expected, you more or less knew what to react.

Even though I promised myself not to listen to any Raya songs, but the night before the Raya, during the cooking session in Ainul's house, we opened YouTube and indulged ourselves in happy Raya songs only. At one time, when all the happy songs were done, we switched over to Sinar FM. Haha. That night I tried to call my mom for so many times but no avail which pissed me off that at that moment I feel kind of left out from the family.

The morning of Raya, I didn't go to the Raya prayer as everyone wasbusy with assignments and I thought I should do my assignments too as I have meeting at 2pm (yup, on Raya day). However, surprisingly, when I woke up that morning, the sadness of not Raya at home was actually felt tremendously. I felt so alone and started to shred few tears. I texted Zainal and as usual he replied by asking me to be strong. Immediately I went to take my shower and the sadness feeling gone. Now it was replaced with the panic feeling that I haven't prepared anything for my meeting.

So Malaysians at Raleigh had some potluck that evening and I joined them after my Skype meeting. The 2 hours at the potluck that made me felt like I actually celebrating Raya. Laughter, food and fimiliar faces is what Raya is all about.

Then Raya was forgotten all the way until 3rd October when MSD did a open house at Malaysian Embassy. It was alright. I met a lot of new people and the food was okay I guess. Nothing to shout about. That was the second moment in Syawal that I felt like Raya.

Well, that was how the Raya felt and celebrated this year. No bunga api, not ketupat made from daun kelapa, no mak & abah, no hubby, no brothers, no nieces, no uncles & aunties & cousins & grandmas, only friends and myself.

It's ok, at least I've experienced something new.

Ps: Would love to write more and post some pictures, but project management is calling me, like always.

Crap not crab

When I said this is a crazy semester, I really meant it. I have been camping out until 12am at the MEM computer cluster for 2 days straight now. And 4 days for this week (we took a break on Friday night, if not it would be 5 days straight).

I have presentation tomorrow and Wednesday. I love my groups but this is our last week together for both groups. I hope I get as good as these or better. I hope. Coz group members can make or break you.

I know my postings lately didn't make any sense to anybody except myself. I promised to write about my first raya away family on the 30th Syawal (I hope I don't forget).

When can I find some time to send my job applications ni?

Letih... but the reward after coming home at midnight is having to skype with him even though what I said didn't make any sense to any of us any more due to my brain jammed. I hope time flies faster for him but slower for my finance take home test submission.

I better stop right now because I'm crapping.

Crazy shit

The right bar counting down to the 27th October. I didn't even notice that coz in my head and my heart, I have my personal countdown counter ticking every second.

All my heart wasn't here anymore. Not in class, not at home, not in anywhere that I've been and not in anywhere I would be. It's focused on 27th October at RDU at 6.30pm. Every night before I sleep all I can picture is I'm greeting him at arrival gate. Over and over again. I never get bored and tired.

All I want is the day to come faster. I don't care that I have a mid-term paper to submit that day, I don't care my job search was in stagnant phase and my house in a mess. I want him badly.

Heart can hold the emotions to some extend and after that it just can't take it no more. It want it now and it want it badly. Not only heart but the whole body, every cells, every nerves and every thought wants him badly.

And I hate this project management course that take single hour and day of my life. For some reason I feel nak muntah dengan project management ni. That's remind me I have another meeting tonight. 4 days in the row right now. Crazy shit.