Some random stuff

1. After 2 days away from home, my colleague said she missed her bed. She asked me did I miss my bed? Unfortunately I did not miss my bed, I missed the person whom I share the bed with.

2. I love cuddling. From I was small, my late uncle (& grandpa) pampered me with constant cuddling and hugging. Once he told me that when I got married and if my husband doesn't like cuddling, don't feel bad, not all men like cuddling. At that time in my little girl mind I promised myself to get a husband that like cuddling. And I got one of course. Alhamdulillah.

3. I've been dreaming all sort weird dreams these past few months. Husband couldn't take it anymore hearing my weird dreams until he suggested to me why don't I open a new blog and blog about my weird dream. Ceh. No thanks. But why this weird dreams?

4. I realized I've becoming workaholic lately. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about emails that I should reply and unconsiously composing email in my head. And I even have a list of works need to be done on weekend. And I have a bunch other chores need to be done at home. I really need to chill. It's ok, next week we are going for a weekend break in Singapore. Can't wait!

posted from Bloggeroid

It's all about family

It took me 26 years to realize that Raya is all about family. It's not about ketupat, new clothes, fireworks, duit raya, going back to kampung or rendang. It's all about family. You can have all of that but without family on Raya, nothing matters. You can have nothing of that but if you are with your family on Raya, you have everything.

It doesn't matter  whether you are in a foreign land, in hospital or just your ol' plain house, but when the family are together, enjoying the food (any food) and share the stories and jokes, that is how Raya supposed to be. Believe me when I said this. I used to Raya at different places, with different people, but at the end, the ones that celebrated with the family are the best, even though I have to become a tourist on Raya (yea, my dad's American friends came visiting Malaysia on Raya and abah has to bring them around!).

Yes, 26 years for me to realize this. Then I started to appreciate family presence more. Last year we celebrated it in hospital and this year, we spend more time visiting the graveyard. Last year only Mek's grave was visited, but this year we added 3 more people - Kak Zura, Pak & Abah Zainal. Allah loves them more and wanted them to spend their Raya with His loved ones. 

So this year, I looked at each one of my family member, and tried to enjoy each of their presence coz you never know what is going to happen in the future. Because sometimes we tend to miss the simple but important thing in life. 

Salam Aidil Fitri. Maaf Zahir & Batin...

Blessed

I never felt so blessed and thankful for what I'm having right now. Even though Allah hasn't given us our own juniors but he replaced it with abundant of other goodness that I'm so thankful of . He gave me the most loving, patient and greatest husband. Abundant of love from families. Rezeki yang melimpah ruah. Peace of mind and healthy body. Sincere and long lasting friendships. Fun colleagues and interesting mentor.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

Don't worry, I will never give up on my efforts and continue praying to You. Coz efforts and doa go hand in hand...

Ramadhan 2011

Ramadhan is here for 2 weeks already and going through our daily life in the lightning speed. I'm so blessed that Allah has granted me another year to experience and indulge Ramadhan; a month that full of blessing. I'm also blessed that this year I have my husband beside me every single day for this Ramadhan. Anddd he wakes up earlier than me every day for to prepare sahur. Who wouldn'y be blessed by that? Hehe, thank you sayang.

However work is not on my side. On this particular month I'm doing two roles. One is my current role which also required me to train the new person who is taking over my role. At the same time, I have to learn about my new role and get trained by the current staff. Sometimes I have to travel to the HQ where all my stakeholders are sitting. And when that happened, I can anticipate almost 2 hours traffic congestion when coming home. I don't even have a break in the 8 hours streach so that I can go home early for iftar. By 9pm, I'm so worn out and I would miss terawih.

Though my company has majority of non-muslim, the muslim community is quite active in activities. They have talks and tadarus during Ramadhan unfortunately I can't join. I don't know where to squeeze that slot into my calendar. Sometimes I want to cry by just looking at my outlook calendar.

Anyway, despite all this complaint, I'm happy to be given the opportunity to be in this new role. There's a lot to learn and grow than the current role. Just pray that I survive through it un-scratch.

So on this blessed month, I would like to wish my few (probably only 2 haha) blog reader, have a great Ramadhan this year. Let's take this opportunity to collect as many pahala we can get. To those whom I have hurt your feeling (I know I have enemies) I'm sorry. Let's forgive and forget.

posted from Bloggeroid

An evening well spent

Every girl needs a best friend that she can be her true self without being judge. I am so blessed as I have a best friend that fit the description. The best thing is that we knew each other since we were 7. We have up and down, of course, but we forgive and forget each other coz the friendship is more important than some stupid misunderstanding we had.

We met each other this afternoon and boy, we were non-stop updating each other with our stories and of course gossip over a glass of yummy apple crush. In between that, we would reminiscent funny moments when we were in school. Then we walked around to find a baju raya that fit our budget which is a bit impossible coz our taste is always way over than our budget. It has been awhile since I went shopping with her. We always too busy to shop and end up in a cafe instead when we met.

What a good feeling! So we decided that we need to do this on monthly basis after Raya. Yeay!

Strong

Dalam kehidupan ini, kita hanya boleh merancang tapi Tuhan yang menentukan segala-galanya. Mungkin bagi kita itu yang terbaik, itu yang kita idam-idamkan dan itu yang kita inginkan tetapi jika itu bukan suratan kita, maka bersabarlah. InsyaAllah, ada hikmah di sebalik itu. InsyaAllah, ada yang lebih baik malah paling terbaik untuk kita.

Mungkin pengalaman kita dengan dia sekejap, sebab itu Allah nak kita masih bersama dia. Mungkin dia dapat beri tunjuk ajar untuk kita. Mungkin dia dapat mendewasakan kita. Mungkin dia akan memberi pengajaran kepada kita bahawa jangan lah kita bersikap begitu.

Sungguh mudah untuk berkata-kata, menaip untuk memujuk hati yang luka. Tetapi terbakar hati siapa yang tahu. Berkecai harapan siapa yang nampak. Hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu betapa kecewa dan sedih hati yang lara ini. 

Sesungguhnya ini lah kehidupan, kekadang kita ingat apabila keluarnya kita dari gua yang kelam dan sunyi, matahari akan menyambut kita. Rupa-rupanya taufan melanda menenggelami jasad yang kecil dalam pukulan air menduyun.

Namun hidup perlu diteruskan. Di gua gelap akan kuterangi dengan cahaya hati. Dalam ributan angin akan kupaut di dahan cinta. Dalam kelemasan bah akan kuberenang ke tebing harapan. Sudah ku berjanji di dalam hati ku, tiada seorang manusia pun yang patut membuat ku gagal, tidak ada seorang pun boleh membuat aku membenci diriku dan tidak ada seorang pun boleh mematikan semangatku. Hanya aku yang berhak memilih kegembiraanku. Bukan mereka, bukan dia dan semestinya bukan kau.

Kerana kau hanya datang dalam hidupku untuk merosakkan hatiku. Mungkin kau akan sentiasa akan hadir di mataku, jiwaku dan ingatanku tetapi hanya lah sekadar peringatan pada ku bahawa aku adalah kuat.

Badminton or food

Whenever Zainal has time, we will join his friends playing badminton on Friday night. Nothing competitive, just having fun while working out our muscles. Especially me that hardly moving nowadays. The movement I have is from the parking lot that next to the elevator which situated just a few meters from my desk. Yeah, I need this workout.

Usually after badminton, Zainal and I will have a late supper before we head home. The usual hotspots including A&W at PJ where the coney dog is to die for and sometimes I'll have their waffle and ice cream. Some other time, Murni would be our spot when we have enough of A&W. Last week we went to Anggerik in USJ 2. After we ordered our food then only we noticed kambing golek! The memories of eating one of the best kambing golek at Zainal's friend aqiqah rushed to our mind. Since we already ordered, we decided maybe next time we try.

So few days ago, I asked if we are going to play badminton this week. Guess what came out of our mind? Kambing golek! Then I realized food has been the main agenda of our badminton session nowadays. So much of working out huh. I don't think the badminton sessions we had can eliminated the calories that I took after the sessions. Haha.

Tonight I skipped the badminton session coz I'm not feeling well. Before Zainal left the house, I asked him sheepishly, "Are you going to buy kambing golek tonight?" He gave me the look. I guess kambing golek has to wait again.

38th Anniversary

Yesterday I went to my parents home after coming back from a meeting in Damansara. It supposed to be a quick stop to get some documents. Then more documents requested by mr hubby while I was there that lead to wonderful discovery.

Mak discovered her surat nikah and guess what? That day was her anniversary with my dad. Guess how long? 38 years anniversary!

Congratulations mak and abah.... Love both of you so much. Though I'm full of second child plus the only girl syndrome when growing up (and even now), they still love me endlessly and I am so blessed.

I told abah, on your 40th anniversary, let's do some celebration. Yeah, we can do kenduri doa selamat he said. I said you can have pelamin and cut cake again. He just laughed and that pelamin idea will not going to happen I can assure you. Haha...

I prayed that they still will be here, healthy and active for their 50th, 60th,70th and more anniversary.

I just want you to listen

Sometimes I called you just because I wanted to talk and share my day, week or just some random moments. But I guess it's hard just to listen without condemning back whatever I shared with you. It was always like that, me sharing and you condemning. Every time.

I guess that's why when I was growing up, I kept everything to myself. I wrote on many diaries that I collected throughout the years pouring my heart out. Deep inside my heart I just want you to listen, sympathize or laugh with me but not using my words to get back at me. But no, what I shared was wrong, said you, I should have done this not that.

Over the years, I tried to close the gaps and have a healthy relationship with you again. But I realized how naive I am trying to convince myself that things will change easily.

Especially when there's a third party that was set to destroy all of us. I got the feeling that third party was determined to set us apart. Burning every tie that hold all of us and making me a bad guy.

Tonight, when things got tough and rough, I called you to share my story. And I regret of doing it. I forgot that I am a bad guy. Bad guy never gets love. Bad guy is always wrong. And yup, the third party is best girl you ever met. 

Well, if this is my fate, I shall keep my mouth shut and share to those who appreciate me for who I am only.

Testing 123

Using my phone phone to blog... Testing if it's ok or not.

Proudly join the android army... Haha

Hapy Father's Day

Happy father's day abah!! I love you =)

Full message will come soooonn..

Friday tears

I just heard the Perry Band song, If I Die Young and got emotional tonight.

I just wrote a post on Pak's death and suddenly 2 days ago I was shocked by another 2 deaths within 24 hours. Both are someone I knew well. 

I don't know if I can write about death anymore. Suddenly death of my loved ones become the most of my status updates in my Facebook. 

But the last two were the shocking ones. It didn't come with notice.

I know Pak Zhari has lung cancer but I also knew that he wasn't hospitalised on the day he passed away. In fact he still went to work on that day. Heck, he was not even retired yet. He was my father younger brother. How do I know that the last time I met him was few months ago would be the last time.

I met my father-in-law, also called Abah 2 weeks ago. I always find that visiting him was pleasant experience. You can see happiness in his face every time we visited him. Like every single time. Last 2 weeks visit was like any other visit, he was telling stories and asking about our life. How do I know that was the last time I was going to visit him.

Well, that's life. Allah has promise every person will face death. How, when and where is not known to us. He asked us to be prepared all the time. Am I prepared yet? Are you?

Al-Fatihah to Pak Zhari who passed away on the Friday night and Abah on the Friday afternoon. May Allah bless your soul and place you among His favourites...

Why I love May #4

I'm going to continue counting why I love May again. I mean I have counted to 3 but everybody knows it's all for the same reason- my birthday. But of course, May is just not about my birthday. It also our anniversary, which can be summarize to this equation:

 [Our wedding anniversary 2011]² = Our All-time Anniversary on 7th May 2011

Yes, we are 9 years baby! 

Happy birthday Pak

Today is Arwah Pak's birthday. If Pak alive today, he will be turning 64 years old. But Allah loves him more and brought him back to His side. I never write about Pak's death here yet. It's too sad to be written and today, after 170 days he is gone, I need to put it down here. I have written about his deterioration in here and here.

Pak is not just an uncle of mine, he was like my second father. In fact I spend more time with him when I was growing up and got more influence from him than my real dad. He took care of me since I was 40 days old. He and Mek spend the day with me and then at night I would went back to my parents house. This routine had been going on until I finished my secondary school.

Everyday he would send me to school, tuition, extra co-curriculum, friends' party, and all over the place. He make sure that his jobs were only at night or will not interfere my school schedule. If he can't made it, he would called his trusted taxi driver to pick me up. He took care of me when I was sick, watched over my grades, find the best tuition teachers for me, make sure I friend with the correct crowd and everything a parent would do to his daughter. In fact what he did is above what a parent would do. 

He taught me a lot about life (everything from stock market, politic, being a good mother and many more), asked me to be more critical thinking, answer my questions on religion logically until I understand why something was ruled that way (never scold me if I questioned religion), encouraged me to read a lot, introduced me to a lot of people from all types of life, introduced me to charity works and always remind me to be a good wife (yup, since small! Hehe).

He was an ustaz, loved by many but at the same time in this life, when you are trying to spread the truth, there are some people who are offended and cannot see you happy. But he never back off from what he believe is true and hold on to his belief.

He loved holidaying in islands around Malaysia beside frequent umrah trips. Last year when I came home from US for good, he insisted that we went to an island for a holiday. I was reluctant at first but finally we went to Redang. When I think about it right now, I'm glad I did follow him because that was my last holiday with him and his last holiday before he passed away.

After that trip, he started to have frequent headache before doctor diagnosed him with high blood pressure. Then when he started getting worse and was admitted to hospital, then only doctor realized he was having a stroke. He was conscious only few days in the hospital before he was unconscious for more than 2 months and passed away without gaining conscious. 

I remembered first few days he was in the hospital. He asked for few kuih that he loved. I went out to buy for him but when I arrived there, the nurses had put tube through his nose for eating liquid only. Nurses won't allowed me to give him solid food because she scared that it will go to his lung instead. Hearing that, I didn't give him the kuih and put it at the side of the bed. I went down to break my fast and when I came up again, I saw his tube was removed and he asked for the kuih. I asked the nurses if they removed it and I can give Pak the kuih. It turned out that Pak removed it himself (coz he wanted the kuih) and because of that, he was scolded by the nurses. I felt really bad for asking the nurse. I consoled Pak by saying that when he is better, I will buy him the kuih again. Who knows that was the last time he asked for something and that was the last day he can eat solid food. The rest was only milk going through his nose directly to his stomach. 

But the most saddest of all is that I wasn't next to him when he passed away. In fact he was all alone. When I went to see him 2 days before that, he didn't show any sign of nazak. In fact doctor asked me to bring him home. Doctor asked me to buy ventilator so that he can use that when he is brought home. I think he heard everything about that. Doctor told me that the last sensory human lost before dying is hearing. He said Pak can hear what around him even though he didn't respond. I believe he heard about what the doctor discussed with me and I discussed with the nurses how to take care of him when we bring him home. Knowing Pak, he will never want to trouble anyone. I guess at that time, he finally ready to let go and didn't fight to stay alive anymore.

It was on 4th of December 2010 at around 12.40pm when a nurse called me and asked me to come to the hospital as soon as possible coz Pak was nazak. Then 10 minutes after that, when we were getting ready to the hospital, the nurse called again saying he has passed away. I cried and cried coz I wasn't there for him. He always told me while I was growing up that he wanted to die in my arms. But I wasn't there. 

He looked so peaceful. His 3 months of suffering finally ended. He was buried near to Mek, the love of his life. He followed her after 6 months she was gone. 

Finally in his final day on earth, first time in my life I felt like I am his daughter. Doctor refused to talk to anybody accept me coz I listed myself as his daughter - that what he told everybody, I am his daughter. Even on the way to the cemetery, I lead the way to his burial site.

Pak, I love you so much. I have hurt you many times but you still love me unconditionally. You gave me everything I need but never asked anything in return. May Allah put you amongst the best and with His loved ones. 

Ps: Pak, for your birthday this year, I donated all your treasured Arabic books to a Tahfiz school. I hope the knowledge pahala will channel to you. I hope you and Mek will meet in heaven and you have peace there.

Pak and I on the boat on the way to Redang Island. The last holiday we had.

In memory of Ustaz Omar bin Johari: 23rd May 1949 to 4th December 2010

Al-Fatihah

Why I love May #3

Okay still on 4th May 2011... But it's too precious not to be captured in here for future remembrance.

I arrived at my workplace 5 minutes after 9am. The minute I placed my handphone on my table, it rang. It rang so loud that I was startled by it. Quickly glanced at the caller name and picked it up, I was smiling. It was my best friend. Every year she will call me to wish happy birthday except when I was in US. We talked for a while and we promised to continue again later. No matter how long I didn't talk to her, the moment we have a time to talk, our conversation never end. Thank you so much Mas Ayu. You are the best!

In the afternoon, around 4pm, my colleagues gathered at the energy hub (aka pantry!) for my birthday celebration. One of them baked the cake the night before. They sang birthday song and let me made a wish before cutting the cake. I was so shocked by this kind of celebration coz I just worked there for a month or precisely 34 days (including weekends). I was so touched and overwhelmed. 

Then on Mother's Day, instead of me treating my mom, I was being treated coz it was birthday last Wednesday and my mom wished it late. Merajuk! Haha... We have a nice small family dinner at Tarboosh in Empire. Great food but not so good service.

Though this year my birthday is not at Niagara Falls or traveling around foreign land, I was surrounded by my darling, my families and my friends. And that worth more than anything in this world. I'm happy happy person.

Ok, this is the last post about my birthday for this year. I know people are already tired reading it by now. Macam dia sorang ada birthday. Haha!

Why I love May #2

Circa 4 to 5 May 2011...

Thank you to my wonderful friends for the birthday wishes.... (Click the picture for bigger size)

 

 

Why I love May #1

This is why I love May...

The background match the bouquet kan. Terima kasih landlord untuk dinding purple. Surprisingly the purple wall looks really good as a background based on experiment by me. Maybe in the future we have a purple wall specially just for family pictures. Hehe..

It's not even my birthday yet, but I got a lovely surprise from my husband.when I came home from work this evening. My colleagues said that the Chinese believe that it's good luck to celebrate your birthday early. So I'm early like 5 hours. Hihi.

Anyway, this is not the only surprise from Mr Hubby, he also cooked dinner tonight. Well, he been cooking dinner for us lately if he's on off day. So it's not a big surprise.

I'm so happy tonight. He kept on asking me when I'm going to eat the Ferrero Rocher. Well, it's not my birthday yet, sayang, so you have to wait. Rupanya ada udang sebalik batu. Hehe...

Thank you so much my beloved husband. I love you always and forever.

My favourite month is here

Yeay! May is here...

Can't wait!

Everybody is a princess on her wedding

I am watching the royal wedding of Will and Kate's replay as I am typing this. It such a beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride with simple yet gorgeous dress and the prince, well, there's nothing to say about him. I used to have a huge celebrity crush on him. I bought like every magazine that has his pictures and my good friend, Sue, when she went to UK to do her A-Level, she posted me a life-size William's face postcard to me. She wrote in the postcard, 'the moment I saw this postcard, I immediately remembered you'. Awww... so sweet. I still kept it. I'll take the picture of it and post it here when I come back home one of these days. But why William becoming bald nowadays? Aiyahhh.. sudah tidak hensem la macam ni.

Anyway, when I watched a wedding, I always looking forward to this moment: the moment when a bride meet her groom. No matter in what religion, there is a moment when both bride and groom will meet for the first time in that ceremony. That particular face-to-face moment will show if they are really in love or feeling awkward. You know why? It remained me of my wedding. 

I remembered during my solemnization, when I was walking to my designated place, at that moment I didn't realized my future husband was watching me. Then without a plan, our eyes met and I only saw his love in his eyes. My heart skip a beat and fell in love all over again. At that moment I realized I made the best decision of my life. Then the whole ceremony was fuzzy to me. Until now, I can recall that moment clearly in my mind and never fail to make me smile.

Oh man, I was on romantic mode one whole day. With all the love songs Fly FM has been playing during my journey to and back from work, lovely dinner with my husband and best of all, all day chatting with him using IM (yup, his company is my company's vendor, so we able to chat with each other.. hehe), nothing can spoil my mood right now. Not even a diarrhea. 

Last but not least, congratulations William & Kate, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Prince William told his bride Kate, "You look absolutely beautiful". The special moment that I was talking about.  Source: Here

Ps: Do you notice a large Malaysian flag in the crowd at the background of the interview segment? Who's that lucky chap?

Event organizer

Since I came home June last year, I found myself voluntarily being an event organizer. From my mom's and dad's birthday dinner, my girlfriends' gathering to baby shower. I don't know how I landed on this role but by now, wherever we wanted to gather, my girlfriend would asked me to organize.

Honestly, I am not an event organizer material. I'm impatient, not so good in handling difficult people, indecisive and don't know how to say no. So why I become one is still a mystery. Actually the first time I organized a gathering, it was so easy. It was less than a week notice and turned out everybody free on that day and walla! the gathering happened. Then I thought maybe it wasn't so bad. So I took lead on our next outing which was visiting Intan and her baby. It was supposed to be very easy. Fixed a date and time, and off we go. Buuutttt... There was drama. I have to let my friend handled that drama coz I was scared that I might say something stupid and spoilt the friendship. At the end everything turned out well.

So this time I was 'assigned' to organize the baby shower, I was excited. I never attend a baby shower before, let alone organized one. So I thought I would be simple where we going to have lunch or tea and that's it. But a week before that, Intan called and asked me how the progress. Then at that time, I panicked! I have to think about the decoration, games, door gift, themes etc. So I asked Intan if she can help me buying gifts and choose the games. The rest I'll do it. Like the last one, the drama queen emerged again. But this it's more complicated as it involved budget and preparation. At the end, I have to absorb all the cost coz she decided not to come at last minute.

That's the thing about being an organizer, sometimes you have to be the black sheep, telling your friend they can't bring their spouse coz this is all-ladies event. Sometimes you have to deal with people who are not flexible, wanting everybody follow her way when everyone has agreed on a decision. Sometimes you have to absorb the cost coz someone decided not to come last minute. Sometimes you have to do all the thing alone coz nobody volunteer as this is more of volunteer role, I rather have someone volunteer to help rather than I ask them to do it. So far Alhamdulillah, I have friends who always willing to volunteer and help me. But the most important of all, you need to find a date and time where everyone can attend it.

This is different than planning your own party. When you plan your own party, you just set a date and start organize the party. You don't have deal whether the date is free for everyone, whether the location is fine with everyone and so on.

So anyway, deep down inside I really enjoy doing this, that's why I always volunteer. But sometimes I just wish, not an impossible wish, I wish that people will cooperate with me. Especially that particular people. Please don't make my life harder by making last minute decision and say something that make people feel guilty. Everybody has different problems and challenges in life, but it doesn't mean that yours was the worst.

That day I was so angry that I told Intan that I wanted to resign being an organizer. She said I will be an organizer for life in our group and she will propose that on our AGM. We have an AGM? Hahahaaha... Wait, do I have to organize that? Haha..

But at the end, when all the ladies come together, laughing, gossiping and having good time, all the hardship of putting this up just melted away. I just glad that my friends trust me for all my decision and thankful that I have such a wonderful close friends.