Journey to the South

Winter break. Two magical words that I had been waiting since the second week of fall semester. This semester was one crazy semester. Seriously. It was nothing extraordinary compared to last semester but the workload was tripled. Meetings on weekends and coming home at midnight at least twice a week was a norm. I thought the hectic life ended when the exam ended, but boy, how wrong I could be.

The last paper ended on Wednesday, December the 2nd, but I have 2 personal papers that need to be submitted before 7 December. The worst part was, I already booked my vacation on 6th December. Between 2 and 5 December, I have to finish 2 papers, packed for the vacation and cooked for my friends pot luck party. Lucky for me, Zainal was in-charged in planning the vacation (after uncountable nagging from me).

We planned to start driving at 7am on the 6th. At 4am that day, I decided I couldn't finished my report before we departed from Durham. This report would be continued during the journey. So I slept and got myself a good 2 hours of sleep.

Yeay! Crossed Florida border. That's means it's not far away.. Haha..

Due to the lack of sleep, I ended up sleeping half of the journey to Orlando. Pity my driver but I couldn't help it. Hehe. We checked into our hotel at 6pm and after quick rest we headed out for dinner and some shopping at outlets. I need to find a new travel handbag*.

The restaurant, Slim Orlando's Phillysteak and Gyro was not bad, with lot of choices t reasonable price. I like that restaurant as it was near to our hotel and Disney World.

After that we went to the Premium Outlet as I wanted to go to LeSportSac for my new travel handbag. The store has a lot of designs but the sales girl was so unfriendly and arrogant. If not because I really wanted that bag, I will ditch that store and go other store.s She arrogantly told me that this was the final sales and couldn't be returned. I was like WTH? It's not even a clearance item.

We walked around for awhile before headed back to our hotel. Zainal continued reading about the plans for tomorrow and I continued finishing my report. At 12 am, I submitted my report and that was the end of fall semester and the beginning my long await vacation.

*travel handbag = light, not so big when there's not so many thing inside yet big enough to put all the necessary stuff when needed including purse, camera and a small bottle of water without looking bulky, with zipper, water-resistant and most importantly, still stylish enough to go anywhere. With this description, I fell in love with LeSportSac Greta. I used to have one before, a small Elle backpack, it went anywhere with me, from Europe to Middle East. In fact it's still in good condition but my style has matured a little and I think I need a new one. Haha.

One of those days

I woke up today feeling confused, disoriented and empty about my future. I don't know what I want, what I like and what would I do. Everything seems so vague.

I was so sure yesterday.

So I'm going to climb back the bed and cuddle in his arm. At least my trouble will go away, for now.

Thanksgiving and Black Friday

I haven't updated this blog for ages and the last post wasn't a real post. Anyway, just want to share my first Thanksgiving and Black Friday experience.

My friend Yusy suggested that we should have a potluck on Thanksgiving day. So the 9 of us representing ourselves from Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia and Korea got together at her house ate like crazy. Yusy cooked soto betawi that tasted so good, she purposely bought halal beef so that me and Zainal can eat too. How thoughtful. I brought rotisserie chicken that I bought from Al Madina. I didn't have time to cook so I just bought something. Hehe. Then that night William baked S'mores which we ate with Ben & Jerry's. Delicious!

After the dinner, two of the our friends left early as they were so concerned about exams, we started to strategise our Black Friday target. Then this Korean guy who definitely knew more outlets and brands that I do started to give crazy idea that we should go to Delaware for tax free sales. Yusy got so excited that I almost believe that they would drove there for 5 hours just for that sales. Hehe.

We went home and tried to sleep early so that we can wake up at 4 am. We woke up at 4.30am, drove to Walmart and found out it's already opened. The line at Best Buy which was opposite Walmart still long. Found Yusy and she told me that William and her boyfriend already in the store and she couldn't got in. Pity her. I brainwashed her to get herself Corelle and she bought 2 set of it. Hehe.

Walmart was crazy full of people. Since I already knew what I wanted, we proceed directly to all the items that we need. We got ourselves winter boots, which going to be perfect for skiing trip next January for only $7.

After that we went to the REI shop to be the first 200 people to get free gift card ($5, $50 or $100). We saw few people in front the store at 6.30 am and the store opened at 8 pm. We decided that we still have time to go elsewhere and find ourselves jamming Rock Band at Best Buy instead. All the blockbuster items at Best Buy was sold out and I don't find any deals that really really cheap. So we just walked around and decided that we should start lining up at REI.

There weren't a lot of people at REI so we started to line up 30 minutes before that. In all the days, this was the coldest fall morning. At last the door opened and when I looked inside the bag, I only got $5. So do Zainal and the rest of the crowd. Cisssssss. Warmed ourselves up and left the shop dissapointed.

Next stop was Southpoints. Initially we went there to get our breakfast and ended up walking around. At Macy's we found $9.99 extra large electric grill. After I cooked teriyaki roast chicken yesterday, Zainal said we should buy this. And we did. Anddd..... Zainal found a Tommy Hilfiger leather jacket for only $99, discounted from $450. There's only 2 piece left, S and XXL. He tried the S size and it was perfect! I said that he should buy this, as it was so cheap and he did. OMG, that's the best deal for today and I'm so happy coz I know he's been eyeing a leather jacket before this. This was Tommy and genuine leather at an affordable price. No wonder the whole rail was empty. Hehe.

Then, we were too tired to walk around and I felt everything didn't look good anymore. We decided to go home and sleep.

Now, wide awake, I was thinking of hitting Old Navy next. Haha.

But did you know that today is also Hari Raya Haji? I felt bad not feeling like a Raya day at all. =(

It's easier to shop now!

Do you want to buy anything from Amazon.com or ebay.com and discovered they didn't ship to Malaysia?

Well, fret not. Zainal is helping you out by ordering for you to our house in US and then send it all in one bulk to Malaysia with minimal handling fees.

All you have to do is follow this steps:

1.) Give me the link of the item that you wanted.

2.) I'll quote on the price of the item including shipping cost.

3.) Confirm the order and make full payment.

4.) I'll start ordering from Amazon or Ebay.

5.) Receive item from Amazon or Ebay.

6.) Gather all item until the final order date.

7.) Start shipping the items.

8.) Distribute the items.

Orders are now OPEN

Will be closing on 15/11/09


FAQ

1.) Orders can be done by sending email to me smallz1907@gmail.com

2.) The estimate time for the shipment is around 14 business days. 9 days for shipment of the item to my US address (to save shipping cost) and 5 days shipping to Malaysia. I will be using Fedex as my primary shipping method to Malaysia.

3.) The cost is calculated by adding the item cost, the shipping cost(international and domestic charges) and handling charges multiply by the currency rate.

4.) The currency rate will be based on Maybank exchange rate and will be quoted based on the day of trading.

5.) For item in Ebay, only select the "buy now" item as i won't bid for you.

6.) When the item arrive in Malaysia, you can COD the item at Subang Jaya only. Please confirm if you want to COD or mail to you the item before i quote the price for you.


T & C

1.) Illegal items will not be entertained.

2.) All item sold are not refundable.

3.) Once payment had been made, orders are final.

4.) If the item is being taxed by the customs, the charges will be divided among us.

5.) Any doubts or questions, please don't hesitate to PM or email me at smallz1907@gmail.com


Btw, if you want to order something from Victoria's Secret or Corelle (it's really cheap here) you can also send you link to him. And those of you who wanted to send anything to Malaysia from here, you can ask send too. Send us email to know how you can save on shipping.

We are only human, but too many errs are way too much to handle, isn't it?

Human sometimes really can test your patience. That's why we are called human at the first place, don't we? These are few things that really pissed me off about human that I've been contacted with:

1. Who thinks that coming to US for my masters degree is like going to vacation. They would said, "How wonderful you got to travel. Oh, I need vacation too." First of all, it's not a vacation. How do you feel to be living alone (these past 1.5 days I'm not alone anymore) with no family and friends yet need to struggle everything from minimal allowance, unpredictable weather to scarce Halal food. Not to mention the stress and pressure of grad school? Though I looked happy posting pictures in FB travelling around the US, that's like 5% of the days that was captured and the other 95% wasn't all sunshine and rainbow. (Got the feeling Disney holiday need to be scraped as budget is not permitting again. Oh well.)
   
2. Someone who complained that they never had enough everything yet they did stuff that surely not for someone who didn't have enough >insert whatever they complain<. For example they said that the money that they get is not enough, yet they went shopping spree like there is no tomorrow. Rasa nak tikam je orang macam ni. Menyampah ok. I don't mind if they rich and have the money to spend, but to complain about not having enough but actually have the money to spend is like what my mom always said "tak syukur nikmat".
   
3. Someone who like to exaggerate every problem that they had. Like wow, their problems were worse than every country in the world problem's combined. And when they survived that problem, they told their success story like they won a Nobel prize without any help of others. Shithead.
   
4. Someone who told the world like they are the best in everything no matter what area or they have the best thing in the world like nobody has what they have. Like when someone they know good in photography, they would be better than that guy and when other people said that he is good in landscaping, suddenly they acclaimed that they are good in landscaping too. WTH?
5. Someone that used the third people (which is someone who is related to the person that they are complaining about) to complain about the other person. For example they have problem with their friends but complained to their mom (!) about that person when they can just talk to their friends. It's their friends btw, why involved parents? That the worst thing I ever encountered at the age of 26. This is not pre-school or primary school ok. So when you have problem with your spouse, you'll complain to your mother-in-law also instead of discuss between both of you? Hah!
   

Ok, I'm in fussy mood right now. Thus this rage leashing post was written. So sometimes I rather be quiet and considered no idea rather than being annoying people that people hate. Thank you.

Ps: Ya Allah, semoga Kau jauhiku dari sikap begini jugak.

Human Bias

Two situations that I have encountered not so recently.

Situation 1

Person X: I couldn't imagine not being close to your own mother. I talked to my mom everyday and we are very close. I pitied her for not being close to her mother. *

Situation 2

Person Y: I couldn't imagine that you have to talk to your mother everyday. It must be suffocated to tell everything to your mom everything. She must felt like she's been controlled.*

Situation 3

Me (thinking): Funny how we evaluated people based on our own bias. We think people are reacting the same way as we feel without we step into their shoes to understand their position. What worse is when we have this bias and we act on trying to 'free' the supposedly 'suppressed' people. For example when the Westerners cried the movement to free the Muslim women who has to cover their body. They said that it's against human right and they should be allowed to flaunt their body which they are restricted from.

First of all, do they think that this Muslim women feel that they are being suppressed as they have to cover all their body? From my opinion, I don't feel like I'm being forced to wear what I'm wearing. I even feel freer than my peers who have to wear sexy clothes just to feel sexy. I felt like they are the victims here as they have to follow the latest fashion, suffer in those tight, short and uncomfortable clothes. You think it's pleasant to wear a tube in the cold fall weather? Now you answer me.

So the conclusion is each life experience gives different impact on different people. Knowing that, we shouldn't made judgment based on our own experiences only. Think deep.


*Not the exact words but the have the same meanings as original. Person X was talking about Person Y and Person Y was talking about Person X.

** For me, I rather have my mom calls me often. Last semester my mom called me everyday but this semester she cut it to once a week since she felt that I'm doing better now. But I love to have her calling me 2-3 times a week.

*** Writing this me made me missed my mom psychology lectures that she loved to give me. Haha. I should take minor in psychology. It's interesting.

Confused

Sometimes some feelings are best left as secrets.

But too many feeling kept inside is not good too.

So what should one do?

Raya 2009

Oh, I was 1 hour late for my 30th Syawal entry. Well, like anybody care kan. I can actually change the posted date but I'm following Duke Honor Code and will not do that. Hehe.

Anyway, I couldn't believe how fast the months go by. One day you were fasting in Ramadhan and now Raya was over.

Well, Raya was not as bad as I thought it would be. Bad by what I meant was like I would cried furiously when talking to my mom or Zainal but I found out that I shred only few tears this year. *Grinned proudly*. Maybe I was expected how it's going to be, so when things happened as what you expected, you more or less knew what to react.

Even though I promised myself not to listen to any Raya songs, but the night before the Raya, during the cooking session in Ainul's house, we opened YouTube and indulged ourselves in happy Raya songs only. At one time, when all the happy songs were done, we switched over to Sinar FM. Haha. That night I tried to call my mom for so many times but no avail which pissed me off that at that moment I feel kind of left out from the family.

The morning of Raya, I didn't go to the Raya prayer as everyone wasbusy with assignments and I thought I should do my assignments too as I have meeting at 2pm (yup, on Raya day). However, surprisingly, when I woke up that morning, the sadness of not Raya at home was actually felt tremendously. I felt so alone and started to shred few tears. I texted Zainal and as usual he replied by asking me to be strong. Immediately I went to take my shower and the sadness feeling gone. Now it was replaced with the panic feeling that I haven't prepared anything for my meeting.

So Malaysians at Raleigh had some potluck that evening and I joined them after my Skype meeting. The 2 hours at the potluck that made me felt like I actually celebrating Raya. Laughter, food and fimiliar faces is what Raya is all about.

Then Raya was forgotten all the way until 3rd October when MSD did a open house at Malaysian Embassy. It was alright. I met a lot of new people and the food was okay I guess. Nothing to shout about. That was the second moment in Syawal that I felt like Raya.

Well, that was how the Raya felt and celebrated this year. No bunga api, not ketupat made from daun kelapa, no mak & abah, no hubby, no brothers, no nieces, no uncles & aunties & cousins & grandmas, only friends and myself.

It's ok, at least I've experienced something new.

Ps: Would love to write more and post some pictures, but project management is calling me, like always.

Crap not crab

When I said this is a crazy semester, I really meant it. I have been camping out until 12am at the MEM computer cluster for 2 days straight now. And 4 days for this week (we took a break on Friday night, if not it would be 5 days straight).

I have presentation tomorrow and Wednesday. I love my groups but this is our last week together for both groups. I hope I get as good as these or better. I hope. Coz group members can make or break you.

I know my postings lately didn't make any sense to anybody except myself. I promised to write about my first raya away family on the 30th Syawal (I hope I don't forget).

When can I find some time to send my job applications ni?

Letih... but the reward after coming home at midnight is having to skype with him even though what I said didn't make any sense to any of us any more due to my brain jammed. I hope time flies faster for him but slower for my finance take home test submission.

I better stop right now because I'm crapping.

Crazy shit

The right bar counting down to the 27th October. I didn't even notice that coz in my head and my heart, I have my personal countdown counter ticking every second.

All my heart wasn't here anymore. Not in class, not at home, not in anywhere that I've been and not in anywhere I would be. It's focused on 27th October at RDU at 6.30pm. Every night before I sleep all I can picture is I'm greeting him at arrival gate. Over and over again. I never get bored and tired.

All I want is the day to come faster. I don't care that I have a mid-term paper to submit that day, I don't care my job search was in stagnant phase and my house in a mess. I want him badly.

Heart can hold the emotions to some extend and after that it just can't take it no more. It want it now and it want it badly. Not only heart but the whole body, every cells, every nerves and every thought wants him badly.

And I hate this project management course that take single hour and day of my life. For some reason I feel nak muntah dengan project management ni. That's remind me I have another meeting tonight. 4 days in the row right now. Crazy shit.

Miss them so much

I missed these 2 favourite guys of mine.

One is coming in a month I hope and the one I'm not sure when I ever gonna see him.


Cepat la datang!

Salam Aidil Fitri

Raya is approaching. First time in my life I celebrate Raya without any family member with me. What sadden me most, this is my second Raya as a wife but my husband is not with me. But nevermind, InsyaAllah next year there will be another Raya for us.

So this year no new baju raya for me. Accidently I'm planning to wear the same baju raya as last year. Well, biarlah. Since no baju raya, so I thought maybe I can buy raya shoes. I saw one last 2 weeks, Aldo has a sale and it's rare that the heel height was perfect for me. But, there's no size for me. They volunteered to order for me but I don't want that the ordered size was not right for me. So I passed. When I think about it, I could just let them ordered and bought it. If it's not ok, I can always return that shoes. Since then, I didn't see any shoes that I like. Yeah, I know, I'm very fussy in buying my shoes. That's why my collection is not as many as normal women would have. Hehe.

Oh, I'm looking forward for dadih that I'm going to cook for Raya. I love dadih and I miss dadih so much. I remember last Ramadhan, I'll buy dadih from bazaar Ramadhan everyday which drive Zainal crazy coz I would asked him to drive to pasar Ramadhan even just for dadih only. That's before I discovered how easy and cheap cooking your own dadih (which is after Raya). So when I knew it, as you can guess, 1/4 of our fridge was filled with dadih. At some point, we have to throw away coz it has turned bad. Huhu.

Lastly, I would like to wish everybody Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri. Maaf Zahir & Batin ye...

The Making of a Great Bed

When I said it's a great bed, it is because I assembled them alone. The steps of assembling it was pretty easy. But when you do it alone with heavy oak that weighs like tonnes, it become very challenging. I had to use a tissue box as a wedge to level the frame so that it would be easily screwed. A good engineer would said that it was one stupid idea as the tissue box managed to hold it for good 5 minutes before it decided that it's too much to handle. Hehe.

The second challenging aspect of this process that deserved a post on his own that I need to finish it before break fast and at that time it was already 7 pm. I managed to finish it on time but the consequences was I have to eat frozen pizza for breakfast and Maggi for sahur.

The pieces that ready to be assembled by the great engineer-not-in-practice. Haha.The finished product. A full size bed. It's a very good deal that I get from Duke librarian that wanted to get rid of this thing from her house. The mattress is still firm and comfortable. It felt like never been used. But don't worry, I'll be using it a lot.

The bed with my new 100% Egyptian cotton and 320 thread count bed sheet. I love white colour bed sheet because it looked so tempting to get on the bed and sleep. The brown comforter match the carpet accidently. Hehe. I'll find a matching duvet cover soon. =)

Credit to William for helping me carried this to my room. And driving U-Haul truck without a license. And showed me how easy to drive a truck. I wish a have a picture of myself driving it. Hehe.

Luahan

I have no time to cook for iftar or sahur. But if I don't cook, I don't eat. I don't want to eat Maggi & frozen pizza like yesterday. But assignments need to send tomorrow.

I wish I had somebody to help me out right now.

Salam Ramadhan

This is not the first time I'm not fasting in Malaysia. But this is the first time I fast alone. Like with no family members or roommates or housemates to share iftar and sahur.

The last 5 days I was strong. I took it as dinner and during sahur I too sleepy to think. But today, my heroic self cracked. I felt so lonely. I wish I was eating with someone. It's impossible to wish that I can break my fast with my husband or family at this time but having someone to eat with would be something possible. Today, even Chuck couldn't take my loneliness away. He always teman me eating my iftar.

Again, this semester, there's no Muslim Malaysian aka Malay in Duke that I knew of. After Dian went back to Malaysia (after I only knew her 2 months before Spring Semester ended), I'm the sole survivor in Duke.

Well, I know I can do this. I'm going to Raleigh tomorrow after 'Night with Industries' event. At least there are a lot of Malaysians someone to break the fast with.

Oh, I wish all my friends Salam Ramadhan Al-Mubarak. May this month bring more goodness in us and chance to us to ibadah more.

Ps: I missed going to terawih with my husband. =( And I missed Bazaar Ramadhan too... but not as much as I missed him.

I wish for this feeling again

With regulator in the mouth, trusting my whole life on this small device and heavy tank behind my back, I slowly let go myself backward into the water. For the moment, everything was very confusing. All I heard was my breathing, with small bubbles in front of me and vast of blue water surround me. I was on my head down and slowly my body turned automatically and my head up again while I resurfaced. Having said that, that's the most beautiful feeling I had.

When everything made sense again, slowly I sank again. This time I was aware of everything around me. The small creatures that I saw on the surface enlarging every few seconds. Within seconds, I was facing them face to face.

As I glided slowly, kicking my legs constantly, I was lost in this magical kingdom. Everything seems surreal; so many colours and so many species. I praised Almighty for this His creations.

Without I knew it, I lost in this beautiful moment. Every single species was my first time. encounter. I awed at their beauty and they finesse. They swam at their own pace and ignored my presence. I felt like I was one of them. At that moment, I never felt so calm in this eerie silence open space. For once I wish I could stay longer and enjoy every minutes of it.

Then the signal that my time in this heaven on earth was up was shown. While I slowly submerged to the surface, I wept sad goodbye to this place. I promised to come again and hopefully they will wait for me without changing any of these.

As I surfaced, large waves pushed me around. Suddenly this whole ocean felt overwhelming and I felt like an ant drowning in a cup of water. I saw my destination and swam with all my energy. But the waves continuously pushing me away. I worked extra hard. In the last few steps to my destination, the tank that I trust my life with has become a liability for me to achieve my destination. I realized that was the real life I was facing throughout all my life and not the magical kingdom that I just left few moments ago.

End of 2nd internship

I ended my 1.5 months internship last Tuesday. This time around was different. Back then when I was in my undergraduate years and first time doing internship, my objectives and view of working world was different. Now with 2 years experience in my pocket, my main objective was completely different.

Strangely I didn't miss anything about this internship. Except free flow of Milo and occasionally free ice-cream. I was parked in Operations department in HQ. I had experience working with production people before and all I can said that they are different species from other departments. In a good or bad way, I won't say. They have to deal with all kind and level of people, machines and expectations. So they have special capabilities to balance and survive in that condition. The capabilities that I haven't mastered yet especially when my natural personalities quite opposite of that capabilities. Maybe I wasn't meant for production.

However, having to witness two different level of manufacturing company; one is the largest pharmaceutical company in Malaysia and one is the largest food manufacturing company in the world was a priceless experience. I only toured one day of the latter's factory to find the huge gap in the management system of the production line. No wonder they are the largest in the world while the other one struggling to stay on top in Malaysia.

This is what I like about internship. You be able to find out what is like to work in a company without actually being commit to work there permanently. You'll get to learn the whole company structures from inside and experience the environment to judge whether you want to work there someday or not. But the downside of it, you'll be bullied around and will not taken seriously.

The experience from my first internship had made me reluctant to work there after I graduated even though my ex-boss asked me to send resume and come for interview on my last semester. But this second internship, I'll be glad to join the company after I end my study. The funny thing I realized while doing this second internship was that at the end of 2nd week of internship, I achieve every objectives that I set before starting it which was so different during the first internship where I wanted to learn everything which sometimes I didn't even know what I wanted to know.

However, there were few things that I really missed when this latest internship ended. I missed the daily commute with my husband, daily lunch and occasional peek from him when he came to 4th floor. I missed his unexpected visit to my desk with nasi lemak or Kit Kat to share with me. I missed the walk to nasi lemak stall every morning for breakfast while talking and sharing stories. This internship was perfect for me. I get to learn new experince at the same time I can spend more time with my husband.

I wish for more time with him but I have to fly again this Thursday.

Not ready

10 more days...

Everything still in chaos.

Still no house to stay.

Don't feel like going back again.

I'm not ready at all.

Then again, was I ever ready before?

My own camera case

Project no 2 done. My own camera case / bag. Actually I really need a camera case since the one that I got for free was terrible. Why? First of all, it has 'Konica' brand in front of it. I don't think Konica produced digital camera. All I can remember about Konica is their 35mm film. Secondly which is the worst one is the free camera case actually shredding and the tiny shredded black thing stuck at my camera. It really pissed me off.

I wanted to buy a new one but I found nothing that I like. They are either too small to fit my camera or too expensive and bulky which I don't like. So after succesfully sewing my own laptop sleeve, I thought why not sewing my own camera case.

After procrastinated about more than 1 week, on one lazy Sunday, I decided to finish up the camera case. I took me around 2 hours to finish it. Introducing my camera bag..

I really like the fabric design that I used it for outside and inside. I bought this fabric at IKEA. This time I only used fleece fabric as middle cushion without addition sponge which made my sewing life so much easier.

What I really really like about this is I can wear it to look like it's a sling bag. So I don't look like a tourist with big bulky camera bag. It's also can be keep in the handbag if I just want to carry the camera without it as it's slim yet thick enough to protect the camera.
However, I forgot to make a zip pocket at the back of the bag. I already bought the zipper and studied how to sew it. But then 1 hour after I finished this bag, then I realized, where the hell is my pocket? Damn. It's ok, I think I'll hand sew it. I want a pocket to put additional memory card and battery (not that I have it, but for future usage).

Finally, my favourite part of this bag....
Personalize with my hubby and my name!! (I put his name in front coz I found out his one is neater than my name. Ceh.)

Anyone want one?

Enjoying now

In life, you have to learn appreciate small things. Things that might not significant to the course of your life but things that complete your life. Small things that will not get mention in your resume, will not be remembered at your wedding or funeral but things that only can be appreciated by you.

These small things will never get noticed in your everyday life when your life is a routine and you take advantage of everything around you. I used to be like that. I took the advantage of used having the loved ones around me, asking for hugs and kisses whenever I want whether from my husband, my mother or my father, having the convenient of buying food anytime I want and asking for any help whenever I want.

Then I made a huge decision in my life. I went to United States of A to further my study. I left everything that I’m familiar with and deal with all new strange and hostile things. From the weather to food, everything needs extra effort. I need to wear layers to be warm, cook my own food, walked around to get to destination and smile a lot more to make friends.

At that time I realized how much I’ve been pampered. I learned to survive with self-motivation and helps of others. I learned that people can help at some extend only but only you alone can make it happened. I learned that sometimes the people who help you can also make you feel bad at yourself at certain point of time. I learned to deal with it alone.

Now, after 2 months back at home, I tried to absorb and enjoy every little thing that I would be missed in less than a month. Like having a person sleeping next to me every night (ok, I must admit this is not little thing I’ll be missed, this is considered a big thing), having some kutuking session with my siblings, enjoy laugh moment with my mom, jumping on bed session with Choki, dinner with my family every night, window shopping with hubby and many mores.

Oh, shit. I can feel that my eyes are getting watery. Please don’t get emotional right now.

I hope my second term back to the Uncle Sam will not as hard as before. I’ll be familiar with the streets, sights and sounds of Durham even though I know I’ll be missing the people in Malaysia. I just need to be strong and busy myself with works (yup, that what I said before but I ended up curling in bed crying) and don’t think so much about good memories in Malaysia (yeah right, easy said than done) while waiting my other half to come maybe in October or November (please be October, please be October, please be October).

I’ll be welcoming new apartment to live in (no more my bedroom, my world), a new car (maybe 2009 Lancer?), new 4 courses (which already regard by others to be busier than Spring semester coz of Project Management), more new friends (as most of the old ones already graduating), new weather (summer!), alone cheap shopping, online shopping and more serious in searching for jobs (ok, I didn’t try to search for jobs at all last semester). And of course, InsyaAllah, road trip at the end of the year! Oh, I want to dive there too. And if money is not a problem, I want to skydive too. So many things to do but not enough money. Haha

Good luck to me! (for my second term)
And I got another 23 days before I’m off again to the far away land.