I Just Miss You

I tried to grasp all the remaining
Hold on tight on what's left
But everything you said just made me angrier.

I tried to calm down
And wish this anger just flown away
Coz I don't want to lose you
Just because of this stupid feeling.

Please don't make things worse
And keep saying that hurt me
I just miss you
That's all
And it hurts to know that I can't be near you.

Friends are Forever

Yup, they are.... no matter where you meet them; fun child in kindergarten, primary school, rebellious years in secondary school and university life.... they are always the same, a friend. What's different between all of them are how close you are to them and how comfortable are you with them.

I don't remember much about my friends in kindegarten (in fact, I don't remember at all) but mostly (80%) of my primary school were at my secondary school. Sometimes you don't know they are actually at your primary school, only at secondary school you knew them (that's like me & Zainal case). There also those who were your best friends in primary school but when you were in secondary school, everybody was making their own ways.

Then there's Asasi friends who I'm very close for one whole year. Then after that, everybody continued their studies, the contact was lost. Everybody busy in their own world.

Then came university life which full of colours. More friends you met and from different background. Some you can tolerate but some was pure annoyance. This is the hardest part of friendship coz at this age you are not naive and innocent like the schooling years. You have grown up and you know what you want. At this moment you must know how to judge a person whether they are sincere with their friendship or they just want to use you. At this moment, you learnt the truth about life. And it's sucks.

Friends that always stay in my heart (even though I don't know what happen to them right now) would be: Nadira - my best friend from standard 2 to 5. Suraya in standard 6. Not forgetting Nur'Ain, Aidya, Junaidah, Hana, Aimi, Su Ann, Joel & Arfah. Then in secondary school- the Spice Girl/911/BSB/all the pop stars la gang - Suraya, Tameena, Farhana, Aimi, Faraha, Dini, Zafirah & Shauna. Then upper secondary (dah siuman sikit la) - the solehah chicks (God, I hate this name) - Faraha, Nadhirah, Sharain, Arfah, Intan, Mas, Sara & Liyana. Not forgetting the 4/5 Setians girls - Faraha (lagi!), Farah, Suhaila & Lisa. Yup along the way... the Al-Amin guys (they the one who gave us the solehah chicks name) -you know who you are, ramai sgt la nak cakap; just to mention few, Zainal, Shahnon, Faisal, Mazlan & Amri. Then at Asasi - Jarinah, Safiyah, Yana & Nazihah. And Izni, Izaida, Aryani & Lyan. Then at Engineering - the Tengs - Azliya, Yonz, Maizura, Anida, Farahiyah & Linda. And the AKIUM people- Peja, Muzammil, Masni, all the exco la. (wooo... letihnye linking everybody ni)

God, I miss all of them. Wishing all the best to all of you...

Ps: just received this evening that one of my friend in Asasi, Rohaizad, died this morning of blood infection. May you rest in peace. And let's give her Al-Fatihah. Al'Fatihah.... (Still in shock about the news... she was a sweet girl and very smart too)

The Search Is Finally Over

Finally, after 4 interviews, I managed to find the job that I can relate myself into. Not the perfect job since I haven't started and God knows how I will be working later, but at this moment, I like what I got. Getting up in the morning, all dressed up in the corporate suit with matching high heels and handbag, rushing in the trains with other fellow busy executives... haha. Funny that I haven't started my job yet, but having this perfect situation in my head without thinking the reality might look ugly than what I dream on. The crowded trains, long standing and mad rush hour is not one of my consideration. Let the girl dream will ya.

I got a job at marcus evans (M) Sdn Bhd. I went for the interview this evening and was immediately offered to become VA executive. marcus evans is a event management company which produces exhibitions, congress, conference and training around the world. A London-based company and KL become the Asia Pacific hub. Basically my job is to research who should come to the events and call to invite them to the events. If I was doing really well, I might be sent there for the event (which include Dubai, Jakarta, Bangkok etc). Wow, can I achieve that target? We'll see.

I will be starting next week with 3 days sales training. It's 5 days a week job and 8.30-5.30pm job. That's what I like about it. No need to travel around and confusing shift. Am I ready? Of course. Have been shopping with my mom this evening with new working clothes and shoes and handbag of course (though that bag wasn't for working purpose initially).

Anyway, wish me luck on my new job... Ciao.

This Holiday Must Stop

At one point, you start to think that this holiday should stop right now. The days of waking up late and watching stupid box should end and serious life should begin right now. This wake up call came today when life become so lonely when all the holiday gangs finished their holiday. With Naqib and Zainal started their classes, it just left of me staring into spaces alone at home. Faraha asked to come to her house, well, maybe sometimes this week I'll go.

Many cover letters and resumes have send out last week, one has called back (that's remind me to call marcus evans to make appointment for interview), Haagen Dazs will call tomorrow for the result (I keep my finger cross for this job... getting this job mean cheaper ice cream!!), 1 job has been rejected by everybody around me except me (kena ikut je la ckp, karang anything happen, nobody wants to help) and more resume will be sent.

This holiday is not what I have in mind. Wanted to go holiday at islands and beaches but can't coz of unavoidable circumtances. Well, maybe next time though.

Final word: Bosan.

There was a Fish...

There was a fish who was born to be eaten by another fish. She was bought with hundreds of her kind and put into an aquarium with 2 hungry turtles. Lucky star must be shining bright on her as the turtles didn't eat her. It was a miracle coz that 2 carnivorous creatures never let anything that can be eaten alive in front of them. Soon the 3 of them became friends till the end.

She was named Jap. She was lucky to have that name compared to other turtles who have weird names; too weird to mention here. She grew bigger and ate whatever the turtles ate.

But conflict occured in the owner household and one of the turtles was taken from that aquarium. Until these days, nobody knew what happened to that turtle. Jap left with heartbroken turtle. The turtle grieved for the lost of his friend and refused to eat. Jap forced the turtle to eat by shoving the food to the turtle. A year later, the turtle died coz of depression.

So left Jap alone in the aquarium. The owner tried to replace the 2 turtles by putting another 2 small turtles but they died after few weeks. Apperently Jap didn't like them. Jap was strong. For almost 2 years, she actually lived by eating turtle pellets.

Finally, the morning of 24 June 2006, Jap was seeing struggling in the water. It was obvious that it was her final moment. She was trying to breath but with difficulty. When the owner came back in the afternoon, clearly Jap was gone forever. The sad part was she didn't even had a chance to get a proper burial as that Indonesian woman who don't understand the meaning of pets, throw her away and let the stupid black cat ate her. That's the end of 5 years of Jap's life.

Footnote: This is true story and I know it sound melodramatic but this actually the first pet that I 100% responsible to. I used to wish that Jap died after the second turtle died coz she's not exactly the wanted pet and it will burden me but now I felt sad when she's gone. It was bad enough to watch her dying when you cannot do anything and it worst when people threw her away as if she was nothing. My big room felt eerily silent without the splashing sound of the aquarium water filter (and another occupant of my room also has gone to enter his tertiary education which make the matter worse) and I still can't stop the habit of looking at the aquarium everytime I walk past. This is so melancholy but this is how I felt today. First time I actually cried for the lost of a pet. Jap, In Memory... Who once an unwanted fish but now she was deeply missed...

CT of the Brain

Has not been updated recently because my house phone line was down and streamyx also went kaput. (pasal dah addicted sgt dgn net, terpaksa guna my 3G today to access the net. Habis la bill bulan ni.)

Btw, this is my report:

3 mm sections done for the posterior fossa and 8 mm sections for the rest of the brain.

The ventricles are normal in size and configuration.
No midline shift.
The brain parenchyma is normal.
Normal brain stem and cerebellum.
No mass or intracranial bleed. I
mpression: Normal CT of the brain.

Alhamdulillah.

Collecting Stuff

Everybody likes to collect something in their life. When we were small, we always said that we love collecting stamps... sometimes I wonder if everybody actually collect stamps? I know I did, just 1 album la. But that one also was not really collected coz I bought all the stamps and just compiled it in the album. Then as we grew older we started to collect something else. Some collect story books, comics, animes, figurines and some collects hot chicks. Some older men collect wives. Hehe. Not forgetting those who collect friends and enemies along the way.

I like to collect shoes. Yes, I know every women loves shoes and handbags. So am I. And I like to collect books and manga too. I used to collect eraser but I think I lost it after I changed my cupboard. I used to have different kind of eraser, from normal ones, the one with eyes that can moves and one that can dismantle to form another thing. Interesting right. Right now I have this collection that drove my mom crazy... collecting empty boxes. At one time, my mom threw all the boxes, but now I managed to collect a few back. Huhu.

However, lately I've been collecting thing that I don't want to collect; common and uncurable disease. I've got asthma, sinusitus, gastric pain and the latest edition, migraine (I just discovered yesterday after a trip to a neurologist) under my name. Hmmm.... have to do head scan tomorrow morning to make sure I don't have any weird things in my head (beside my imaginations and ideas). Wish me luck.

Here We Go... Ole ole ole

The World Cup fever is back. The sleepless night and confusion between time zone in Malaysia and Germany has infected Malaysian men and women too. Even though I'm not a fanatic footie, but I watched this once in the 4 years event religiously and keep ahead with the latest news . Yes, thanks the all the men around me; abah, Naqib & Zainal, for the info and latest news (this is what happen if you're the only girl in the family). Now I can know it's an offside by looking at it after Naqib taught me nearly 10 times. And I know how to bet also.... Hehe.

My favourite team is Argentina!! This 2 times champion has big names like Messi, Rodriguez, Crespo and Saviola is one of the Pele's choice for this year World Cup. Not mentioning my favourite player, Pablo Aimar is also in the team (even though he's not in the first team), a 1997 FIFA World Youth winner and creative footballer who helped Valencia to win many titles. Hopefully they play well this year unlike in 2002 where they managed until the group stage only. Next group that I place my bet is Brazil. They really joga bonita when they play in the field.

I will watch games that show at 9pm and 12am, but 3am.... will think about it la. Maybe semi and final I will try to stay up with Naqib.

Got to stop now, Netherlands vs Serbia & Montenegro is already taking off.

Interview 1.0

Since I just finished my degree and as usual, I should start looking for a job. So let's look the journey to get a job and how many interview I have to go through.

Yesterday I went my first interview since the holiday started. It was at Sunway Group for management training under SMART programme. Hmm... I applied that at Career Path UM and I think Leen applied with me too. (Betul ke? Yg kita dpt mouse pad free tu kan?).
Anyway, I already forgot that I applied this when the company called me for interview. So I just went there to try my luck. I thought the interview was simple and quick. But then I discover it has a tentative programme for that particular day. It started with the presentation from HR director. Then came the nerve breaking part where each of us has to introduce ourselves and tell everybody what are the biggest achievement of your life. And... there are around 10 of the interviewer from various company under Sunway Group's representatives watching and evaluating us from behind. Finding one achievement is hard enough but hearing people's achievement can shrink your self esteem. There's many students (including few from UM in mech engineering) who stated their academic achievement as straight dean's list in 4 years of study. Not mentioning a structural engineer who doing her master and at the same time she always teaches latin dance (talk about multi talent people). Then there's people with degree of financial engineering (that's the first time I heard about it). At the end I just talked what I think I appropriate la.

Then we had to answer 3 set of paper. (Teringat kat PTD exam yg baru amik hari ni). The first want was the personal test la, biase la tu, second one was about what our interest, and the last one was the most '....' (I can't find any word to describe that). We had to write a story about 150-200 words based on the picture given. And there's 6 pictures, so 6 story to write. Waaahhh... memang keluar la semua kemahiran imiginasi yang selama ni disia-siakan, ade juga faedahnya. Huhu.

We even had tea break. (The curry puff was delicious). Now I know why they gave us the mouse pad. Diorang mmg kaya la. Lastly, of course, the interview part. Mine took 45 minutes. And all the questions were mostly about you should find one achievement you did, then tell what you did to achieve that, what the problem you occured, the resolution and result. (Bila balik rumah baru abah cakap tu concept sama macam dia guna masa kat Kimberly-Clark dulu. Ceh, apsal tak cakap awal. Punye la praktis bende yang langsung dier tak tanya). I think I did okay in the interview. The HR director was very nice.

I keep my finger cross for this job. Macam best je. They said that 1300 actually applied and they shortlisted to 60 only. Bangga pulak dapat shortlisted. But mostly Chinese la. On my batch itself, around 20 people, only 2 Malays, tu pun sorang lg tetiba balik half way. I think dunno why. Hmmm... kalau dapat keje ni, dapat la diskaun Sunway Lagoon Resort Hotel and Sunway Lagoon. Huhu. But overall, klau dapat ni memang best la. Dekat dengan rumah pulak tu. Hehe.

Tribute to Mr Z

This post is tributed to Zainal for saving me from rushing home from interview and become the virus killer of our home.

ps: ni post ikhlas tau. hehe.

New Layout

This is my third skin. Not so much changes except the background and position of the columns. The background picture guess who is she? Hehe... ~moi~

At the small details will correct it later coz I'm sleepy already...

Anyway, can anybody help me how to erase the grey bar with the imagebucket things there. It's an eyesore la. Please...please...please...

Please feel free to comment this skin.

KL International Motor Show 2006

Went to KL International Motor Show yesterday. Forgot that now is school holiday and there were a lot of kids who actually didn't really care why they were they except an opportunity for them to run around. Neway, I got 2 and a half hours of walking exercise plus various of cars to be gaped around.

I think this year motor show was not as exciting as the last 2 years'. I dunno, it just lacks of something. Less modified cars and well, less 'brand ambassador' aka the sexy model. Hehe. But the appearence of Honda's ASIMO was something interesting. Before this I only watched him in action in the net but yesterday managed to watch him live doing the wonders of artificial intelligence. Wow, can't believe the smoothness of that robot's movements.

Anyway, here's few picture from the motor show.

The 70s groovy car. Check out inside of the car. With disco ball! (me with the model...she's not friendly though, maybe she was to guys only, ceh)

My future car, SLR McLaren. Huhu.

Smartfortwo Brabus yang comel. Ok, I have a thing with Brabus cars. Maybe the fact that it only produce 9000 cars per year? Or that businessman that bought the B class with the price tag of RM 1.38 m? or both. Lastly.... Wonder on Wheels...Ferrari
....Bentley

Melancholy Me

When I'm sick and not feeling well, I have this hostile feeling to everyone around me. I easily get angry and annoyed by even smallest things. I hate jokes at this moment coz I felt like they are mocking my life. I sulked and become very quiet. However deep down inside, I want people to pamper me, give me more attention and at least sympathize my misfortune. But who would want to do that if I threat them badly?

Lately, I've been dreaming my high school a lot. The people, surrounding, teachers, my friends.... and it seem so peaceful, yet so alive. I missed that so much and the dreams make my wanna go to that place again. I want to meet one of my friend that I dreamed of last night. It seem that ages we haven't seen each other. I missed our talks and laughter.

I wanna go back to the place where life is much more happier and relaxed. I want to return to life where everyone wasn't that competitive and life is not about winning all the time. I want to meet all the people that you don't have to feel like a loser even though you are one. They don't make you feel one and always welcome you no matter in what condition you are in right now. They are the people that always make you feel like home no matter how long you haven't met them. I wanna meet them. I wanna meet all of them. I miss every single of them. I miss my schooling buddies. All the Subang people...

Help Me Doc! Part 2

Alhamdulillah my throat infection has somehow healed slowly. Remember the previous post where going to the doctor actually making me worse. Well, I found this in my cough syrup's instruction:

Contrainductions
It should be avoided in patients with liver disease or ASTHMATIC patients....

No wonder for all the symptoms I've experienced these few days. Unfortunately, I only read this when the syrup bottle was almost empty.

After the throat infection, now the acute sinusitis turn to attack me. The worst one was last night when half of my head, including my eye, jaw and cheek, was throbbing with pain. Tried all the home remedy that I can think of including putting a warm towel on my head, put water in my nose (I don't know why I can think of this method, but I was desperate) and lastly I gave up and slept. Apparently nothing can take away my sleep, I actually managed to sleep almost 12 hours last night. (I woke up earlier but found out the headache didn't go away and I slept back).

After the last episode of doctor visit, I only went to pharmacy to buy my sinus medicine. And back to my old friend, Panadol, for my headache.

Help Me Doc!

I was coughing from last week and 3 days ago, I felt something funny at my throat. Asked my brother and he said it just throat infection. Need to go to doc? No need, just take strepsils and gurgle the antiseptic mouthwash. But it took sometimes to heal.

Being stubborn and wanted to heal fast, (including persuasion from my dad) I went to see my dear doctor. He gave me antibiotic and cough syrup (it will you drowsy, but it's ok doc, now I got more reason to sleep). Well, I thought I'm gonna heal fast but I getting worse now. Before this the cough is because the itchiness in the throat but now, it just pure cough without any reason with excessive secretions. The cough is getting frequent and painful. Rase macam nak tercabut tekak batuk. (Just hope this will not lead to asthma). At the same time I realized that your body would become tired easily.

Wonder why going to the doctor has made it worse? Hmmm....

Ps: Really pissed off with my cousin just now who didn't understand my health condition and forced me to bring her to Kepong (which according to her is near to my house) to meet her bf for just 15 minutes. Thank God, Naqib saved the day and be my driver today. (Note: This medicine may cause drowsiness. If affected do not DRIVE or operate machinery).

Memories from Spring Cleaning

I was cleaning my bookcase the other day and I found things that bring back so much memories during the life after secondary school. Not mentioning 6 unused files from lever clip, spring clip, clear holder to document case... every files that you can find at stationary shop. Then I found few notebooks (different sizes and types!) that I only used few pages and the others all blank. The most interesting finding was my journals (I have few that was used at different time) that I wrote when I was not really trust internet for all my thoughts. Here's one of the thought that I wrote when I was homesick at Kuala Pilah matriculation (yes, I was there for 1 month before I ran to Asasi). I wrote the title as 'A Kind of Love'. (And yes, my school friends voted me as most jiwang gal).

Love is something that two people share. But how about a love that only a person feel? Like people say, if you clap one of your hand, it won't make any sound. But some people say love is not necessary to possess the one you love. You can love someone but the one you love doesn't love you.

But what's the point of loving somebody that doesn't love you? Sometimes when you love somebody so much, you just don't care whether they love you or not. But this kind of love doesn't bring you anywhere, isn't it?

There is a time in your life when your love was rejected by other people. Some people would move on, some people would try until their love was accepted, but some would always love them in silent.

Silent love is a painful disease with no cure. Inside the heart, a voice is screaming, crying and begging to be the one it's love. And of course it would never happen unless he try. So, to satisfy a heart, a voices that came out from the one it's love, a smile and a glinch of her face could be a cure.

But what if this silent love would stay forever in his heart and never accepted anybody else. He would stay in the past and refuse to move on. People like this would find it hard to love someone else. This would waste their life for something they can't have. Isn't it sad?

Somehow, forgetting somebody who you have falling in love is not as easy as ABC. This is worse when someone that you love is your bestfriend. It's like losing a bestfriend and love at the same time.

Patience is the best remedy to this disease. But if it's too long, give up. Give a chance to your heart to love someone else. Maybe this is your true love. A love that will love you back. Maybe, I said maybe, you'll love happily ever after. Hey, 'false hope is better than no hope at all'.

25 March 2001

Was broken hearted at that moment about someone... When I think back, it was a wait that worth it.

Rejuvenated

Just come back from Port Dickson after 3 days rejuvenating my body, mind and soul there. It was much needed holiday after all the stressful episodes. It was wonderful vacation with 7 Tengs that will last in the 500 MB digital photos memory. Hehe.

The days were packed from morning till midnight. After check-in, we immediately went for a ride in banana boat, followed by swimming by the beach, swimming in the pool before retreated to the room. After dinner (at a restaurant that gave us discount RM15!) heart-to-heart session was done in the room. The next day, we went to Melaka and Kak Farah's house (wah, macam nak balik kampung... best rumah tu... so calming in the middle of orchard). The last day, we went to Ostrich Farm in PD. Everybody got a certificate for riding an ostrich (boleh masuk resume ke ni?).

I never hold so many animals in 2 days - albino rattlesnake, crocodile, rabbits, ostrich, horse and crabs. Maybe I should work at WWF. Anybody wants to give me a job there?

Anywhere but Here

I felt suffocating here. The air is thick with anger, sadness and fakeness. I can't breath in this condition. I just want to get out from here.

It's getting more stressful and tension since I started to stay here full time after finishing my study. Everything is about money. And money that makes us suffer. Damn it.

I've been suffering from headache for almost a week now and Panadol has been my best friend. Been taken it everyday, sometimes I feel like drug addict. Last night asthma attacked me in the middle of the night. This is worse than exam + thesis. This is going to last forever.

Somebody let me out from here. Please.

2 Celebrations Part II

Apparently somebody wanted to be included in the list of people who send me wishes for my birthday (nampak sangat ketidak ikhlasan. hehe, no la, just joking) so here goes.... Thank you En Adib for your wish in both birthday and presentation, and recommendation letter. Rase malu plak bile org puji kite, rase tak layak utk pujian tu.

I forgot to mention that day, Faraha called me wishing me happy birthday, like she always do every year. Miss her so much. Gonna crash her house this holiday. Be prepared!!

2 Celebrations

Today is my anniversary with Zainal. Wow, 4 years already. Never thought would last this long. Last 3 days was my birthday. The best ever!!

23rd birthday has no significant meaning like 21 which symbol freedom and 17 which you can take driving license. But this birthday was special to me. In 4 years I studied in UM, this is the first time I can actually celebrated with my friends. Before this it always fell on semester break. The other reason was on that day itself, I finished my undergraduate study (unofficially). And lastly, I actually celebrated my birthday 2 nights in the row!

My birthday celebration started at 5 pm actually. That's the time that I passed up my thesis. The whole night I was doing the final editing before I had to pass it up on my birthday. The only celebration I got was birthday wishes from a lot of people (sangat2 terharu). The first night was celebration with my guy. We had our dinner at Chili's before watching Mission Impossible 3 (he bought us a Gold Class ticket! Jakun giler first time masuk. Hehe. Tapi best). By the way, Chili's food was marvellous. Now I know why people recommended that place.

Then the whole second day was spend sleeping apart going to faculty and realized the computer lab was closed coz it was Friday afternoon. Sigh. That night was a celebration with my girlfriends, Tengs. We went to Muara Seafood in Port Klang. It was 1 hour drive (coz we used the old road, but on the way home we realized that using highway can actually shorten the time to half) but the food was worthwhile. We actually couldn't managed to finish everything (talk about ordering with empty stomach) plus there was a 1.6 kg Secret Recipe cake to be eaten. 7 girls finally gave up after a while. Was laughing the whole night and oblivious to the surround people (we're not in the best shape for calon isteri that night - and all other times too, girls should allow to have fun, don't they). Hehe.

Overall, it was the best birthday ever. Thanks for all the presents; watch from Zainal, frame/jewellary box from Tengs, keychain from Jin Ho (pronouced Cino) and books from Naqib (thanks for not buying the LOTR pendant) and Abang. Thanks for your remembrance and wishes from En Azlan, Peja, Phahmeen, Leen, Liya, Acik, Mai, Nik Faris, Nida, one unknown no, Jarinah, Safiyah and Kak Farah. And all the testimonial in Friendster (I will reply this personally, I promise but I can't say when. Huhu) Adlina, Zainal (again), Faisal, Shahnon, Yonz, Leena, Lisa, Ivy and Kicap.