The friend that never was

Have you ever had a friend that everyone thought that both of you are best friends but deep down inside you really hate her to bits. Yes I do. I thought she was my close friend too but after 2 years, I realized that she used me, a lot. When you care for someone, you will do stuff for them willingly but in this case I realized I was used and she didn't care about me at all. Yes, in front of people she would said "Don't hurt mun, she's my best friend." But nobody knows that she didn't even respect me at all.

I don't know why suddenly I'm very pissed off at her tonight. It just that all the things she did to me kept flashing in my head.

I remember one time, when I just acknowledge her as one of my close friend, she laughed and mocked at me when I told her my problem. WTF? I felt ridiculed and at the same time ashamed that how she could play with my feeling. From that day onwards, I realized she was never my friend. Friend never judged and ridiculed you. They listen, care and support you.

I remember one time she has promised me to go to some festival together. So I was rushing from home to pick her up. Yes, I admitted it was a bit late coz it was raining and as you know raining in KL means traffic jam. On the way to pick her up, she send me a message saying that she didn't want to go coz she didn't feel like to. I called her immediately but she never answered. I went to her room, knocking at her door like poor beggar but she didn't open the door. I saw the light and fan was on so you know what it means. The next day she didn't even apologize and acted as if nothing happened. I was so pissed off, I didn't talk to her at all all week even though I sat next to her in class. Surprise surprise. The week after that incident she asked me to pick her before I went to test centre. WTH.. Now you know why I said she used me.

I hate it when she self proclaimed that she was my best friend and she knew me. She never even call me. She missed call me and hoping I call back. In your dream bitch. When she send text messages, it always about something she needs from me. Never message of asking me how am I doing or something like that. I remember she said that I got more money so I should call her. Hello!! How about that she called her boyfriend 2-3 times a day and all I can hear what she talked about was "Abang....yayang rindu abang la....". Wueksss... *vomit*. So you have credit to call your boyfriend, but you don't have it to call your 'best friend'. I don't need her to call me and talked for 1 hour. Sometimes when there were important things, please call me and inform me. She never did.

At one raya, she asked me not to do open house until she came back from her Borneo home. Okay, I scheduled my open house so that she can come. Guess what? She never did. She went dating with her boyfriend. Sometimes you wondered where this friendship goes right?

I know she always used me coz I have transportation. But do she ever paid for anything. I don't mind if it's short distance journey. I sometimes tumpang my friend's car. But she never ever offered to pay for petrol in this 4 years of friendship. I remeber 1 time I asked her for toll money and she showed me a 50 ringgit note. WTH. It's only rm1 and she said she has no change. And as you can guess of course la I don't take the money. Sometimes, I don't need the money for my petrol but I hope that she at least offered to pay or even help me filling the petrol. She just sat in the car and acted like I'm her driver.

She almost made me broke up with my boyfriend. She compared him with her boyfriend. It's not fair coz hers staying like 5 minutes from here and mine was like 45 minutes from here. So when her boyfriend has to move to Klang, I laughed at her face. And I felt so good of doing it. And she did it (trying to break us) again in my final year. She talked me out of the relationship by supporting me to have affair with my lecturer. Please la... My love is stronger than that ok.

Now, my few friends complaining about her to me that she being selfish and sometimes doesn't care about people's feeling. I just smiled coz I've been through that earlier than them. I even had to live with her for 2 years.

I always hate the way she tought that she was the important people in the gang. At one time, we all went to a play except her (coz she didn't want to). It was a wonderful play and we talked about it all the time and how we had a blast time. Suddenly she exclaimed that we're happy when she's not that there. Well, of course, I shouted in my heart la. But verbally I said that it's her choice not coming with us, so don't blaimed us. What she think of herself? She think if she wasn't there, we will feel bored and had no fun?

I'm so glad that she didn't make to the photo shot we had as our last project. Another of her stupid excuses. I'm happy that at least when I looked at my convo pictures, I only see my true friends.... the one that care about me. The one that I will always remember and miss.

Footnote: she might read this (or not!). I know she read my blog. But do I look that I care? Hell no.

You are my sleeping pills

When I'm with you
The world seems to be a calmer place
I feel loved and I'm not afraid
You let me know that
You'll be by my side
no matter what comes through
Baby, you're my sleeping pills.

When I'm with you
I'm in my deepest sleep
There's nothing that shake me
and keep me awake
Baby, you're my sleeping pills.

Baby, I've got you
To share the day and night
I just need you and I'll be okay (trust me)
Baby, you're my sleeping pills
and I'm in the sweetest dreams.

If I have a punk emo rock band, this gonna be one of my hit singles. Haha (perasan).
Dedicated to my u-know-who-u-r.

Waiting for a call

It is universally known that when a man said he'll call you back, most probably he will not. If the statement is wrong, I wouldn't staying up till 3 am writing this entry.

Just out of curiosity, why he, at the first place, has to say that? At least has a heart, give a SMS saying he can't or whatever. At least I can proceed to my beauty sleep. Sigh.

cobaan

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Athirah + Adriana in action

Trying to capture the perfect picture of my nieces. But I guess it was not that easy. Better to capture their perfect moment of togetherness...

I really am scared today

I went to Pameran Hantu, Jin, Keranda dan ... at Shah Alam today. I was excited for a long time about it that I have it reminded at my phone everyday. But yesterday Zainal told me that there's 3-4 bomohs will sit at the exit door to 'scan' anything that follow us. Uh-uh... Tak nak pergi la. My dad yang excited nak pergi tu pun tetiba tak jadik pergi. My mom siap ajar ayat yang perlu dibaca 7 times or 14 or 21 or just read that all the way la. Anyway, I went there with Zainal.

When we arrived there, a poster written said that the exhibition will end on 15th September. Eh? I thought 4th October? Whateva. Since it's tuesday and not a school holiday, it's empty. Thank God there's a family of three in front of us.

Awal-awal, biasela penerangan about jin bla bla... We roughly read and walked away. Suddenly we realized that we were the only 2 people there. Then Zainal said why don't we wait for that family. Okay.... so pretending to look at the surrounding which was not much. Kata baru masuk memang la takde ape2 kat situ lagi.

After the family walked pass us, we came to a very dark place. I meant it, it's very dark. I actually almost trip over that small boy. Then I heard a voice (don't worry, it's just the worker there).

"Sape nak tengok hantu pocong datang sini."

And that uncle switched on the torchlight on his handphone. Hello uncle, why the hell you did that? You will made the 'thing' angry okay. I was gripping hard on Zainal's hand.

"Tak nampak pun. Jom gi tempat lain," I pleaded.

"Tengok jap je. Tak semua orang nampak pun," answered him calmly.

Hopefully it wasn't me. By that time, I was reciting Ayat Kursi repeatedly.

Then I heard someone said, "Tak nampak pun. Ape kau baca ni?"

Sorry guys, I was me.

So we went away. There's jenglot, toyol (which is still alive and they feed him milk every night-according to one pakcik there) and many more which I don't want to remember since I wrote this at midnight and I'm alone right now and yes, I'm also a bit coward in this area. At this point Zainal let go my hand which according to me, I might hurted him unconciously.

At the last exhibition area, we met this one pakcik which told us about things there. He said he has been there twice. He asked me to hold (or pat) the toyol (which was already 'diawetkan' and dead) which I politely said no thank you pakcik with 'are you crazy pakcik' in my mind. Well, it was lucky to meet him as he gave us a lot of info which made the exhibition scarier than it was already as since he has a lot of story related to that. I asked the pakcik if he saw the pocong but he said that he didn't. He said that we Muslim usually harder to see since we have kalimah Lailahaillallah at our forehead. Phew, what a relieve.

Then Zainal decided to head back to the hantu pocong. O K A Y. Being a supportive partner I agreed even though dalam hati rase macam nak tikam-tikam je dier.

I don't know if they switched on the light or that place seems brighter than before but at least I could saw the cage of the 'thing'. We sat there with other few girls and listening to the the museum worker told stories about this stuff.

Suddenly Zainal said, "Cuba tengok tu... awak nampak tak....." paused.

"Nampak ape?" Paused again. Then he just shaked his head.

Nampak ape? NAMPAK APE? I didn't see anything. Not like I want. Okay, recited Ayat Kursi again.

After 20 minutes, we gave up. I relieved. This is one thing that I don't care if I didn't see. So we exited and the pakcik was not there anymore. Felt pity to him that we left him there and just walked away to see that 'thing'.

Well, takde pun bomoh-bomoh tu. Just 2 men lepaking at the door. Are they? I dunno la.

Well, good exhibition compared the last time at National Museum. At least it scared me off.

Oh ya, by the way, Zainal told me what he saw after we went out. No I won't tell you. Remembering this stuff at wee this hour was already a torture to me okay.

100th Post

Here I am sitting next to someone who has maths test tomorrow. I'm supposed to help him but at the end I'm the one who messed his head. (He said 'mane ade....' while petting my head. Meow meow).

This is my 100th post. Who would thought that I've written 100 post, uneducational nonsense post.

So I'm gonna waste my 100th post by this another nonsense post.

Hahahahhahhahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahaahaahahahhaah....

(Dunno why I became a bit crazy today. Maybe after hearing that my dad will send me to Kluang to work there if I didn't get any job. Sigh.)

We Knew Each Other

It's the time again when somebody's sister and brother are getting married. We are quite young (ye ke) to attend our friends' wedding as nobody is going to get married in these few months. So we just attend friends' sibling kenduri. The thing about Subang is that your friends' sister or brother usually your senior in the school. So we don't feel so awkward attending their wedding. Last week was Liyana's brother at Sheraton Subang and yesterday was Amri's sister at Dewan Jubli Perak Shah Alam.

Well, the best part of this (apart from the free food of course) is the chance to meet old friends back. It's like mini reunion. This is the time where stories will be exchange and old jokes will be repeat again. It feel so nice coz it's feel very familiar and comforting. It's nice to know that these are the people who you have grown up together, people who is at all over the world and finally when you are together again, it seems that we have just meet yesterday.

It's weird when you meet once or twice a year but you can continue the story that left behind. So, you still have crush at that person? She did that? You did this? And so on. Ah, I love reunion but except my class reunion la (psl dah kena bar kot. Asyik tak datang je. Sape suruh buat malam ada AF?). So when is the next wedding? Count me in (and jangan lupa ajak Zainal. Hehe.)

At Amri's sister wedding, Kak Siti Salina (prefect yang garang).


With Zainal at Liyana's brother wedding, An and Kak Suria (they has been together since form 2!). This is not exactly reunion la since I see him almost everyday, but hell, this is my blog. Suka hati la nak taruk gambar ape kan.With Nadhirah at Sheraton Subang.

The First Test

Yey... I passed my first test in meeting my future mother-in-law. I helped her to babysit my future nieces last Weds and this is the result (from what Zainal said):

"Pandai jaga budak. Tak nangis pun budak tu." That cute little girl even like me!! (A triumph for someone who doesn't like small kids).

"Tak banyak cakap la dia ni." Is that a good or bad thing? I assumed a good thing la kan. Well, kind of expecting this already. I am a quiet person unless I really knew you.

So hopefully the next test will not come so soon. =)

Yey.... I didn't miss the fireworks

It's 5 minutes before 12 am when suddenly Naqib asked me if I wanted to see the fireworks.

"Tak nampak la, ade pokok kacau view KLCC."

"Bukan dari rumah la.. Kita naik kereta la gi somewhere."

Before my mom said yes, I grabbed my purse and handphone, screamed to Naqib to move his ass faster and we were on the way to Sunway. 2 minutes before the fireworks, we parked ourselves at a petrol station with few other cars.

In many months this was the first time I came out at midnight. This was truly merdeka. Suddenly I didn't want to watch to fireworks. I want to enjoy the moment. The moment that will be lost another 10 minutes.

After finishing my studies and back to my parents house, I was back with the curfew rules. After 4 years of rebellious, I miss my freedom. I miss the late night outings. I miss the midnight shows. I miss the premier night of a movie. I miss the late night supper at Hartamas. I miss the heart shape waffle at Hartamas. I miss the quiet and empty road at night. I miss wandering around Bangsar late at night. I miss the look at UM pak guard when I came in at 3am (before they became strict which was enforced last year. They spoilt my final year). I miss the eerie feeling when going to both 1st and 12th colleges' toilet at 4am. I miss driving around UM 3 times in 4.30am. Mostly I miss the driver that usually did all of above with me. (and yes, I'm a night owl. Definitely not a morning person.)

What merdeka means to me this year? I don't know. I never know what merdeka means to me personally. Pathetic. I don't know.

My life has always been restricted in any forms until I could mould myself into respectful woman (that's what I thought). That's was 4 years ago. Then I came to uni and life changed. I'm with Zainal, I had family feud and I gained my self-confidence and independent. But I still not that bad la if you looked from far. Inside, I had grown tremendously this last 2 years especially. Did I find my freedom? No, I'm still scared and still can't made any decision. And I'm still searching my self-freedom.

However, I'm happy and proud that my country has merdeka for 49th years... Happy Merdeka Day everyone.

When I Grow Up, I Want To Be...

Kids nowadays can have their inspiration what to become when they grow up by just watching tv. Back then when Chicago Hope and ER were very popular, they were a lot of people who wanted to be a doctor. I think that syndrom had effected my batch since in my Asasi year, everybody wanted to be a doctor. As the result, if you only you get 4.00 CGPA, you will be accepted to do medicine. Some people that I know, who tak sedar diri dapat 2.7, wanted to take medic also. I remember his mother talked to me about even if his CGPA was low, if he was given a chance to do medic, he will excelled. Come on la... there were thousands of people who deserved more than him. At the end he went to Indonesia to do medic.

Anyway, back to the topic. Tv shows today showed a lot of specific job in their stories. I'm talking about American tv shows la. Malaysia tv shows always limited to businessman (I don't know what business they do), minah kilang, secretary and mat rempit (is it a job?). As if la that's the only job that Malaysian do. Well, the tv shows (American) like ER, Chicago Hope, House MD, Grey's Anatomy and Scrubs focused the profession in medical especially doctors. (I hope after watching Scrubs, the kids would understand that doctors are not perfect okay). Then there's lawyer with Ally Macbeal, The Practice and Boston Legal. Cops come next with NYPD Blues, Cops and Law and Order. The forensic team was shown in the CSI series (CSI: Miami, CSI:Las Vegas and CSI: New York) and Numb3rs. The firefighters in Rescue Me. Even politician get their show in The West Wing. So my question is where the hell is engineers?

The only show that show the magnificent (ehem, ehem) of an engineer is Prison Break (the season 2 is out already!!). The main character in the story was a structural engineer. Even though he's in the jail, but he was in there with a purpose, to free his brother. And the best part was he has planned everything to escape from the prison. That's what unique about an engineer. They are always precise, accurate and don't take chances. Everything is well planned and every error will have compensation. When I was watching Prison Break, first time I felt so proud to be an engineer. (Even though I'm not working yet, but I'm in this area, okay.)

Engineers always become the shadows behind everything. When you watch ER where the doctors were saving the patients life using the defibrillator and patient monitor to monitor the patients, have you ever think that all the equipments were designed, built and maintained by biomedical engineers? (Nak promote biomedic engineering skit kat sini). Imagine this situation... A patient was rushed into the emergency room, dying. The heart beat has become slower and if nothing was done, the patient might died. Can doctor save him without defib? Do you think doctor was strong enough to press his chest to get back the patient normal heart beat? Think about that....

Well, let's not mention the job of civil engineers, mechanical engineers, electrical engineers, computer engineers, material engineers, petroleum engineers and industrial engineers. There are a lot of engineers in this world but no show about this one noble job? (How the kids want to appreciate this job?). Maybe Malaysian scriptwriter can make one (but please do your homework first la Malaysian writer, kekadang tu nampak sangat tak logik dan tak betul.)

To engineers out there, you the nation's builder...

Why Mosquitoes Like Me Very Much

Everything in this world was made with a purpose by Allah. They might not directly useful to human but they might means a lot to other creature. So every fauna and flora in this world must be protected from exctinction.

If, I mean if, you were given a wish to make an animal, whether it's wild animal, insect or whatever under the animal kingdom to become exctinct and gone from this world, which one will you choose?

I obviously vote mosquitoes and ants (oklah, I pick two). However, mosquitoes will win my vote anytime. Mosquitoes must really hate me or love me (depends whether you are on my side or the insect's side). Whenever there's a mosquito, I'm the first person who will get bite. Before people realise there's mosquitoes in that area, I can know already by the red marks on my body. Experts have making a lot of studies about people like me. Here's a few that I managed to google.

"Experiments show that, like Rubenstein, some people are just irresistible to mosquitoes, and others, like her husband, don't have the same allure. It's not just a myth."

"Then there's your skin: Scientists have found isolated compounds on the body's largest organ that may attract different types of mosquitoes, depending on how the chemicals are combined. A blend of three--lactic acid, acetone, and dimethyl disulfide--is particularly appealing to the mosquito that carries yellow fever, says Dan Kline, a research entomologist at the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Agricultural Research Service in Gainesville, Fla. Mosquitoes from Brazil and the United States were attracted to slightly different combinations of these chemicals, he says, suggesting attractants also vary by geography.

They also vary by person. Takken's group just completed a study of mosquito appeal among 28 human volunteers. (They used a special chamber that funnels human scents to the mosquitoes but protects volunteers from actually getting bitten.) "There was a consistent difference in who was least attractive and who was most attractive," says Takken. "Some people simply produce more of compound X than compound Z." One study from Australia even suggests your genes may hold the keys to what makes a mosquito decide that you make a good meal."

-US News

Apparently Malaysian mosquitoes love me.

"Scientists do know that genetics account for a whopping 85% of our susceptibility to mosquito bites. They've also identified certain elements of our body chemistry that, when found in excess on the skin's surface, make mosquitoes swarm closer.

"People with high concentrations of steroids or cholesterol on their skin surface attract mosquitoes," Butler tells WebMD. That doesn't necessarily mean that mosquitoes prey on people with higher overall levels of cholesterol, Butler explains. These people simply may be more efficient at processing cholesterol, the byproducts of which remain on the skin's surface."

"Any type of carbon dioxide is attractive, even over a long distance," Conlon says. Larger people tend to give off more carbon dioxide, which is why mosquitoes typically prefer munching on adults to small children. Pregnant women are also at increased risk, as they produce a greater-than-normal amount of exhaled carbon dioxide. Movement and heat also attract mosquitoes.

-Web MD

I got high cholesterol on my skin? Might be, especially after I put on some weight lately. But the genetic part might be true too. But I get bite first than others in the family (exceptional if Naqib also in the range. He will get first, then only me).

Well, since no solid evidence has been discovered by the scientist, I might has to deal with all the mosquitoes which is biting me at this very moment. It's annoying especially when they buzzed at your ear when you are trying to sleep. The worst part is, I can't stand the smell of the insect repellant spray; I can get asthma attack. So my hope is depends on other mosquito repellent that doesn't smell so much especially those which use electric power.

By the way, I heard there's a plant that mosquitoes hate. If there is any, I really want it.

You are not alone

Sometimes in life you think that you are all alone and forgotten by others. You think that life has abondoned you and time moves faster than you can catch up. You sulked and sat at the corner of the room just to make way to others so that they don't trip over you. You hated yourself for being such a loser. Everybody is so succesful but you.... depressed at home. Pathetic.

Then the handphone beeped. A message received. A long lost friend congrats you and missed you. You smiled. Another message received. A former roommates who always put a smile on your face texted that she loves you and also missed you. Your smile grew bigger. Another beep. A new friend that you just met asked how are you. Then another beep. Your love one messaged that he loves you. You grinned alone.

Who said that you are alone?

One Proud Day

After 4 years in UM, finally came the day where everybody was allowed to be as proud as they can be. The convocation day! Engineering faculty was on Thursday and I was excited like hell. Who wouldn't be? After 4 years struggling (more than 4 years actually. It started the moment I chose science stream back in form 4) of maths, assignment, thesis and exams, finally the day that people can recognized you as somebody who is worth to employ for. Let's pictures speak for that day.

The proud moment.

The proud parents.The proud boyfriend. (ye ke? My tudung didn't do me justice that day)The proud classmates (half of class la).

Weeeee.....

Random Quiz for a Boring Night

What the?

You Are 64% Scary

Sorry to break it to you, but you're a pretty scary chick. Men don't know what you'll do or say next, and that freaks them out.

Do You Scare Off Men?

This is better

Let's Call You a Silver Digger

You don't weigh a man's appeal only on his income But you've never been known to turn down a free dinner Does this make you sleezy? Not at all! Just make sure not to miss out on your dream guy... Income brackets can change :-)

Are You A Gold Digger?

Hmmmm....

Your Spicy Score: Mild

You may not make the hottest first impression.. But you're definitely the type of girl that sticks in a guy's mind. You prefer to play things cool. You know that good things come to those who wait. And the amazing thing about you is that you get hotter over time!

How Spicy Are You?

Last but not least....

Your Love Quote

Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and very important.

What Love Quote Suits You?

Story of a Love

This is the story of my cousin...

My cousin, X (not the real name) was coupled with Y (not the real name) for 6 years. So this year they decided to engage. But apparently Y parents not very excited about this coz they postponed it 2 times when my uncle and aunt wanted to visit them. Their reasons were unacceptable such as there were too many wedding they have to attend, too many people going to hajj and they have to visit etc. Finally they agreed on a date and all the preparations was on the way.

Until a week before the engagement, Y father called X to ask about the hantaran and all. X frankly told Y's father to discuss that matter with his parents on the engagement day. But Y's father was furious and told Y that X was hard to deal with even before marrying Y. He then called X's father and cancelled the engagement.

X was furious (and he also quite stubborn la, no doubt) and agreed with all things. We asked him to call Y and discussed about this but he refused. He refused to pujuk Y's father because he said that Y's father has hurted his father and must apologized to his father. At the end, they broke up.

Three months later, we (my family la) got a call from my aunt (X's mother) that X was going to get engaged. But with other girl, Z (not the real name too). We were shocked as X and Y was broke up just 3 months ago. I was wondering if this is the case of rebound guy? (Cleo had warned all girls about rebound guy, get away from them). But X insisted on it, and we just went along with him. X and Z even wanted to shorten their engagement period. Futhermore, Z's family was welcoming us with so much joy and happiness which is so opposite with Y's family.

Last Sunday, X came to our house. He always come to our house, so it's quite normal. After he went back, my grandma told me what he told her. X was very quiet person, so to have him talk was quite difficult. But that day, my grandma said he volunteered talking and telling my grandma about his feeling.

Apparently, Z wanted the whole marriage thing to go so fast. X was still in vague about the whole process. When asked about the ring which was about to give to Y, X said he gave Y as birthday present last month. He remembered that Y really like that ring when he bought it. He said he still can't forget Y. From what my grandma gathered, if Y wanted him back (of course she wants la, but the parents was the problem) X would definitely want her back too.

Well, from my view, I don't know if I can fall in love with other people and get married after just 3 months of knowing him. And, the break up was not even our fault. I felt pity with X and Y. They loved each other but Y's parents were selfish enough to acknowledge their love. (Don't give some bullshit about they are not suitable. Both are them are graduated accountant and my cousin came from good family). I don't know other people. Some people said that no matter how long you know him but if it's not your fate, you'll never be together too. Hmmm....

Ajal dan jodoh semuanya di tangan Tuhan.

Wangi Jadi Saksi

An attempt to be cultured and also out of curiousity, I went to see Wangi Jadi Saksi play at Panggung DBP last Saturday. After stucked in Saturday afternoon traffic jam, we arrived there 10 minutes late and thank God they just opened the door when we arrived.

The story was very simple actually if you understand. It's about Dang Wangi who was Hang Jebat's wife (I didn't know this. All I know was Balai Polis Dang Wangi. Hehe) who witnessed the conflict between Hang Tuah and Hang Jebat. This story was told with flasbacks. According Dang Wangi's story, Jebat was not killed by Tuah but by Patih Kerma Wijaya. Furthermore, during the 7 days and 7 nights of 'fighting' between Tuah and Jebat was actually more of a talk and discussion between both of them. Hmmm.... (Now I'm more confuse of history than I already have since secondary school).

After the play finished, there's a Q&A session with casts, writer and producer. Even U-Wei Hj Shaari (he wrote this) himself explained about the play. They even distributed notes about acting in theatre. (Now I understand what bullshit ruang-ruang that Adlin always said in the AF. The notes explained the ruang-ruang we have in a play. No wonder la he always stress that stuff.) Soon I found out that day they have this session because there's a lot of student attending the play.

This play was not as majestic as PGL The Musical. Even the prop they used looked not very nice. Something that prevent me from fall asleep was the present of ninja-ninja (they were the production team). All I can say is that after this, the attempt of culturing myself will be limited to musical theatre only. No heavy drama like this, especially when your BM result was a shame to your BM teachers. Hihi.

Anyway, this is more details and more academic (!) la review from shahnon.

The gang with Vanidah Imran as Dang Wangi.

(Amik gambar ni dari blog shahnon) The opening curtain. I try to read it, but half way I forgot what I read earlier. Alamak, ni la akibat dah lama sangat tak baca jawi. Merangkak-rangkak.

S Size Robe

It was raining softly outside as if trying not to wake the neighbourhood. The weather was perfect for sleeping in. I was in my blanket when I heard unfamiliar irritating sound so close to my left ear. Then only I realized it was my handphone alarm. God, the weather was perfect and do I have to wake up. Oh yes, I had to collect my convo robe today.. Hmmm, 5 minutes more okay.. I promised I'll wake up. 40 minutes later I awake hastily when I realized my 5 minutes had gone too long. Quickly I took a shower, ate breakfast and arrived in UM 45 minutes late than what I promised Yon.

Surprise, surprise. The line for queueing has extended to the parking lot which roughly around 1-2 km long (am I being exaggerated?). What the? It was only 8 am and the counter open at 9 am. So this is the kiasu Malaysian (so am I). Frantically, I dialled Liya. No answer. Second hope, Nida. No answer. Damn it. Are they planning to abandon me because I'm late. Positive-thinking, Mun.... Last hope, Kak Farah. Yup, she answered and asked me to find Nida and Liya. At first try, I saw them already. With sweet smile (and sugar on top with extra creamy syrup sauce) I said hai, chatting away and put myself in that line. Hehe... I saved myself 1 km of standing.

Finally, at 11 am, I got my robe. That's after 3 hours of standing, one pink panther umbrella with 4 heads to share, hearing all the obscene jokes the girls behind me told each other, some gossiping, updates of everybody life, lots of idea for Nida, finally, I got my robe. My precious S size robe. Pweh... My legs were hurt. This was worse than 3 weeks of standing in the trains with high heeled.

I'm so excited for next week. Can't believe the day is coming so fast now.

3 tired faces of Nida, Liya and Hanie. ( the dark surrounding was the theme for that day.... restless and also death look for those who thinks that they can cut the line)....

Baru balik shopping jubah ke bang? Huhu.....

Beauty and the Beast - The Japanese Story

Past few days I was hooked with the jdorama Densha Otoko. It's a story about a otoko (the "nice guy" class of Japanese geeks who wish to lead normal lives, but are too shy to find a girlfriend, or speak openly anywhere but online) who fell in love with a beutiful girl and seek help from single men thread on advices to get the girl. It was nice story though. It was said that this story based on true story. I don't know if it's true.

What interesting about this story is that it no matter how weird a person is, he/she has feelings and wanted to be loved. It just that they didn't know how to please people and end up making fool of themselves. Okay, seriously otoko is a bit weird to my taste. Even though it's hard to find one here, but I had a few friends that totally into the world of anime and manga. (That's including Naqib, I'm afraid). I like anime but I don't watch everything. I just picked ones that interesting and I don't buy figurines and dream of having a boyfriend like one of the character in anime. I knew someone who dream of having an anime character for a girlfriend. It's so ridiculous.

See, when you made yourself look weird like that (let's not talk about the appearence side coz it would took another one long paragraph about it), you cannot blame the female population to not like you. So sometimes you have to change to be accepted. In this story, the guy still be otoko at the end (with the figurines all around him) but at least he changed his appearance.

It's a very touching and warm story especially the part where densha otoko seeked help from his internet friends and they really care about him. It makes you wish that you had friends like them. Friends that never let you give up and went all out to make you happy.

Those who haven't watched it, why don't you try to watch it. It's only 11 episodes and I love the theme songs, very addictive. Hehe.

Look at the different of those 2 peoples. Unbelievable... (This guy remind me of 2 guys that I know. Hehe)



3 otoko, best friends...

(please men, don't wear like this)

Yay! SMKSJ is 25 years old...

My secondary school has turned 25 years old this year. SMK Subang Jaya is the first secondary school in Subang Jaya. It's not as old as Penang Free or MCKK but for a new town like Subang Jaya, it does feel like old.

I was there from 1996 to 2000. This school has gone up and down during this 25 years old. She used to be called Sekolah Harapan Negara and also become sekolah angkat to police for having one of the worst gangsterism in Subang Jaya. Well, now she's back with pride and greatness upn her name. What I saw, the school has changed tremendously. Jealous nye....

Last Sunday, SMKSJ has organized Malam Jubli Perak at Holiday Villa. I went there with my mom and Naqib. Actually I didn't know about this but my uncle got this free tickets and asked us to go. I really didn't want to go at first. But when I arrived there, I was glad I came. I met all my teachers and they even remembered me... It has been 6 years I've left the school and I missed my teachers. They did't change a bit. Pn Sharifah Noor with her usual question (read: when am I going to get married?), Pn Sasni, Ustazah Tusimah and lots more. And of course Pn Zubaidah (of course she remembered me la, she's my mak sepupu. Yup, that's why I never get caught of anything at school. Huhu). The school managed to gather former of the principals including Toh Puan Sri Rohani (she looked fantastic that night and she's one of the best principal we ever had).

I dunno why but somehow, this one form 4 guy managed to change this event into Disney On Ice with his performance of all Walt Disney songs (from Beauty and the Beast to Little Mermaid) and even asked us to sing along. I kinda felt that he stucked at primary school not in secondary school. But his voice was good though. Well, other performance tu so-so la, sekolah katakan. (No one can beat Graduation 2000's performance!! The best ever. Even though I got the feeling the teachers were disapproved by all the Limp Bizkit and Guns 'N Roses song.)

I tried to take as many picture with teachers but at the end I managed to take 1 only (tu pun dgn Pn Zubaidah). Haha..

My table. L-R. Mr Amin Tan- former student father and also my mom classmate back in form 6, Pn Zubaidah eldest son (now the mystery has been solved), Pn Zubaidah and my mom. Continue to back row, L-R. Me, 2 Pn Zubaidah's niece (I dunno what their name), Zuri - Pn Zubaidah youngest son and Naqib.
Siti Mariam and Ain pun ade.. dah nak balik baru jumpa la.

Plan Interrupted

You know when you had planned your day so carefully so that you can make sure the 24 hours time that God has given, then one problem occurred and suddenly everything went disorganized. I hate when that happen. Like today. I have planned my day including studied the night earlier so that I won't slow down the process. But then there's one guy who good at ruining plan called and asked (more of forced) me to go home. The paradox of his statement that he wouldn't mind to pay a lot so that the job is done today but when I suggested a place that I know that definitely can help him, he didn't want to listen.

The job would take 5 minutes of my time but the journey would took 1 hour journey to and fro. I end up staring at the ceiling after doing that job coz to continue my plan would be a waste a time as most of the time will spend on the road only (including waste of petrol and TouchNGo).

Arrrrggghhhh..... I'm so bored and frustrated.

(Mom bought that sign for me... she knows me well. I'm not the nicest people around this house, so just don't get me irritated. And if you look closely, you can see Naqib put my name there.)

"We are already expecting this..."

Today, I officially unemployed again. I resigned my post today after 3 days of thinking about it. When I gave my resignation letter to my manager, all she has to say was 'we have already expecting this....' without opening the envelope. What the?? I guess they have received a lot of this kind of letter. What do you expect, every week, there are at least 5 new people coming in here.

I'm kinda sad actually to leave marcus evans. It has wonderful people and very sporting company (we have fully paid paintball game next month) but the job there that I hate. Even our team, VA1, is becoming very close and despised our own team leader. Hehe. Good luck guys...

I guess I have to jobhunt back again.

That swimming pool was Regent Hotel's.

The view of KL from 21st floor of Central Plaza. It was taken from emergency staircase when I ran away from my table to clear my mind (or bergayut with anybody yg jadi mangsaku).

Unreliable Instinct

After he send me off this evening, there's something weird feeling left in my heart. This was not the usual feeling I had after our each date. It filled with sadness and loseness. I felt like I never going to see him. It's like something bad going to happen to him.

Finally, after hearing his voice and knew that he's alright, I was so relieved. This is another unreliable instinct that I always occur. He always said that I can't rely on my instinct because as far as I know it never actually true. Ok lah, maybe 1 or 2, but mostly are just unnecessary thoughts. Hehe.

First is not always the Best

Ever heard a saying that said your first one might not be your best one. Allah gives you that one first so that you'll appreciate the next one which might be the best one you ever have. The first one is to teach you what is life all about, to test your strengths and weaknesses, to try what is good and what is not for you. Then only you know what are you looking for in life and what you want to avoid in future. It gives you guidelines and experiences in life.

Yes, that what's my first job gave to me. To tell me that job that required on the phone 7 hours a day is a no-no for me. Considering that I'm not a big talker, talking non-stop was hurting my mouth. I can't sit at the desk for straight 7 hours too. I'm getting numb all over my body and my brain just freezed by not thinking and repeating the same script for hundreds of time a day. My cherish moment would be 15 minutes with the computer even though it still used Windows 98. (Yup, we have one computer to go around with 5 peoples. The company promised to give us one each but I still haven't seen any pc for us.)

I can't imagined myself doing that job another month (not even another week). It just torturing. Considering that nobody actually reply my email was another low-down of this job. I don't know what's wrong with me that those people in Philippines doesn't want to reply my email saying that they will be coming to the exhibition. For God's sake, IT'S FREE. Not a single person. Is my voice that turn them off? Coz my script was the same with others. Was I'm not persistant enough? I have been calling the same person for 3 times asking them to send that stupid email. They were nice enough to say yes, I'll do it today but where the hell is that email???? What's wrong with these people? It drove me crazy and it gave me a capital L right in the middle of my face.

God, I need to find another job, fast.

The End of a Fever

At last world cup finished last night with Italy won the glorious World Cup. Nasib baik Italy menang, kalau tak, buat penat je bangun pagi-pagi buta. This was the first time I woke up just to watch a football match. Mak was awake all night long just to make sure that everybody (i.e. my dad and I) woke up to watch the final. I personally asked 3 people at different locations to wake me this morning. Semangat giler. Haha.

Well, the effect of lack of sleeping can be seen today at the office where I barely could concentrated at any conversation. Poor Philippinos whoI called today have to repeat at least 3 times of what they are trying to say to me. Even phone numbers I couldn't registered in my head. I can even sleep standing in the trains today. (This is marvellous to someone who is difficult to fall asleep even in bed). At the of the day, I didn't manage to acquire any single visitor. Sigh. Never mind, this is only the first day I talked to clients. So, gambatte munm!!

Changes

I adapted to changes very slowly. The fastest was 1 month and the slowest was 1 year. I easily miss the fimiliarity and got depressed about it. Lately, life has changing rapidly around me. I'm glad that I finally finished study but kinda miss that thing actually. Now entering the working world, life changes again.

At home also there's a change that I tried to adapt for almost 2 weeks. Naqib was back into university and left me alone here in this room. Naqib was my chatting partner and my roommate. So when he's not here, I have nobody to talk too. I was sulking alone and find it quite depressing. Especially at work I still didn't have friends that you can be silly with yet. I found hard to stay sane without laughter at least once in 1 day. I need to laugh and I'll be okay.

Oh yes, one of my colleague was a Singaporean. He left Singapore to work here coz he married a Malaysian and she doesn't want to follow him to Singapore. I mean, HE has a lot of changes than what I've experienced right now. Then I should be lucky right.

Well, I guess that's life. Hmmm... I'm learning to deal what life has to offer me.

Now I’m going through changes, changes
God I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated save me
Now I’m going through changes, changes
-3 Doors Down 'Changes'

No Mood for WC

After Argentina loss yesterday, I have no mood to watch any games. Mind you, taurus is very loyal and I'm very loyal to Argentina. It just si sad to see the Argentinians let their goal to robbed by the Germans at the last 10 minutes. If only they defend more at the last minutes....

Then the worst was the referee was obviously looked that he was bias towards Germany. When Germans made foul, most of the time he closed one eye. At one time, when it was clearly Argentina should given a penalty shootout instead the referee gave him a yellow card. Benci la tengok game macam ni. That referee was the worst ever. Before this, can't remember which game, he was bias toward one team too. I don't know why FIFA thought he was good. Kalau camtu baik suruh Germany terus menang je. Takyah lawan dengan sape2. Kan senang.

I Just Miss You

I tried to grasp all the remaining
Hold on tight on what's left
But everything you said just made me angrier.

I tried to calm down
And wish this anger just flown away
Coz I don't want to lose you
Just because of this stupid feeling.

Please don't make things worse
And keep saying that hurt me
I just miss you
That's all
And it hurts to know that I can't be near you.

Friends are Forever

Yup, they are.... no matter where you meet them; fun child in kindergarten, primary school, rebellious years in secondary school and university life.... they are always the same, a friend. What's different between all of them are how close you are to them and how comfortable are you with them.

I don't remember much about my friends in kindegarten (in fact, I don't remember at all) but mostly (80%) of my primary school were at my secondary school. Sometimes you don't know they are actually at your primary school, only at secondary school you knew them (that's like me & Zainal case). There also those who were your best friends in primary school but when you were in secondary school, everybody was making their own ways.

Then there's Asasi friends who I'm very close for one whole year. Then after that, everybody continued their studies, the contact was lost. Everybody busy in their own world.

Then came university life which full of colours. More friends you met and from different background. Some you can tolerate but some was pure annoyance. This is the hardest part of friendship coz at this age you are not naive and innocent like the schooling years. You have grown up and you know what you want. At this moment you must know how to judge a person whether they are sincere with their friendship or they just want to use you. At this moment, you learnt the truth about life. And it's sucks.

Friends that always stay in my heart (even though I don't know what happen to them right now) would be: Nadira - my best friend from standard 2 to 5. Suraya in standard 6. Not forgetting Nur'Ain, Aidya, Junaidah, Hana, Aimi, Su Ann, Joel & Arfah. Then in secondary school- the Spice Girl/911/BSB/all the pop stars la gang - Suraya, Tameena, Farhana, Aimi, Faraha, Dini, Zafirah & Shauna. Then upper secondary (dah siuman sikit la) - the solehah chicks (God, I hate this name) - Faraha, Nadhirah, Sharain, Arfah, Intan, Mas, Sara & Liyana. Not forgetting the 4/5 Setians girls - Faraha (lagi!), Farah, Suhaila & Lisa. Yup along the way... the Al-Amin guys (they the one who gave us the solehah chicks name) -you know who you are, ramai sgt la nak cakap; just to mention few, Zainal, Shahnon, Faisal, Mazlan & Amri. Then at Asasi - Jarinah, Safiyah, Yana & Nazihah. And Izni, Izaida, Aryani & Lyan. Then at Engineering - the Tengs - Azliya, Yonz, Maizura, Anida, Farahiyah & Linda. And the AKIUM people- Peja, Muzammil, Masni, all the exco la. (wooo... letihnye linking everybody ni)

God, I miss all of them. Wishing all the best to all of you...

Ps: just received this evening that one of my friend in Asasi, Rohaizad, died this morning of blood infection. May you rest in peace. And let's give her Al-Fatihah. Al'Fatihah.... (Still in shock about the news... she was a sweet girl and very smart too)

The Search Is Finally Over

Finally, after 4 interviews, I managed to find the job that I can relate myself into. Not the perfect job since I haven't started and God knows how I will be working later, but at this moment, I like what I got. Getting up in the morning, all dressed up in the corporate suit with matching high heels and handbag, rushing in the trains with other fellow busy executives... haha. Funny that I haven't started my job yet, but having this perfect situation in my head without thinking the reality might look ugly than what I dream on. The crowded trains, long standing and mad rush hour is not one of my consideration. Let the girl dream will ya.

I got a job at marcus evans (M) Sdn Bhd. I went for the interview this evening and was immediately offered to become VA executive. marcus evans is a event management company which produces exhibitions, congress, conference and training around the world. A London-based company and KL become the Asia Pacific hub. Basically my job is to research who should come to the events and call to invite them to the events. If I was doing really well, I might be sent there for the event (which include Dubai, Jakarta, Bangkok etc). Wow, can I achieve that target? We'll see.

I will be starting next week with 3 days sales training. It's 5 days a week job and 8.30-5.30pm job. That's what I like about it. No need to travel around and confusing shift. Am I ready? Of course. Have been shopping with my mom this evening with new working clothes and shoes and handbag of course (though that bag wasn't for working purpose initially).

Anyway, wish me luck on my new job... Ciao.

This Holiday Must Stop

At one point, you start to think that this holiday should stop right now. The days of waking up late and watching stupid box should end and serious life should begin right now. This wake up call came today when life become so lonely when all the holiday gangs finished their holiday. With Naqib and Zainal started their classes, it just left of me staring into spaces alone at home. Faraha asked to come to her house, well, maybe sometimes this week I'll go.

Many cover letters and resumes have send out last week, one has called back (that's remind me to call marcus evans to make appointment for interview), Haagen Dazs will call tomorrow for the result (I keep my finger cross for this job... getting this job mean cheaper ice cream!!), 1 job has been rejected by everybody around me except me (kena ikut je la ckp, karang anything happen, nobody wants to help) and more resume will be sent.

This holiday is not what I have in mind. Wanted to go holiday at islands and beaches but can't coz of unavoidable circumtances. Well, maybe next time though.

Final word: Bosan.

There was a Fish...

There was a fish who was born to be eaten by another fish. She was bought with hundreds of her kind and put into an aquarium with 2 hungry turtles. Lucky star must be shining bright on her as the turtles didn't eat her. It was a miracle coz that 2 carnivorous creatures never let anything that can be eaten alive in front of them. Soon the 3 of them became friends till the end.

She was named Jap. She was lucky to have that name compared to other turtles who have weird names; too weird to mention here. She grew bigger and ate whatever the turtles ate.

But conflict occured in the owner household and one of the turtles was taken from that aquarium. Until these days, nobody knew what happened to that turtle. Jap left with heartbroken turtle. The turtle grieved for the lost of his friend and refused to eat. Jap forced the turtle to eat by shoving the food to the turtle. A year later, the turtle died coz of depression.

So left Jap alone in the aquarium. The owner tried to replace the 2 turtles by putting another 2 small turtles but they died after few weeks. Apperently Jap didn't like them. Jap was strong. For almost 2 years, she actually lived by eating turtle pellets.

Finally, the morning of 24 June 2006, Jap was seeing struggling in the water. It was obvious that it was her final moment. She was trying to breath but with difficulty. When the owner came back in the afternoon, clearly Jap was gone forever. The sad part was she didn't even had a chance to get a proper burial as that Indonesian woman who don't understand the meaning of pets, throw her away and let the stupid black cat ate her. That's the end of 5 years of Jap's life.

Footnote: This is true story and I know it sound melodramatic but this actually the first pet that I 100% responsible to. I used to wish that Jap died after the second turtle died coz she's not exactly the wanted pet and it will burden me but now I felt sad when she's gone. It was bad enough to watch her dying when you cannot do anything and it worst when people threw her away as if she was nothing. My big room felt eerily silent without the splashing sound of the aquarium water filter (and another occupant of my room also has gone to enter his tertiary education which make the matter worse) and I still can't stop the habit of looking at the aquarium everytime I walk past. This is so melancholy but this is how I felt today. First time I actually cried for the lost of a pet. Jap, In Memory... Who once an unwanted fish but now she was deeply missed...

CT of the Brain

Has not been updated recently because my house phone line was down and streamyx also went kaput. (pasal dah addicted sgt dgn net, terpaksa guna my 3G today to access the net. Habis la bill bulan ni.)

Btw, this is my report:

3 mm sections done for the posterior fossa and 8 mm sections for the rest of the brain.

The ventricles are normal in size and configuration.
No midline shift.
The brain parenchyma is normal.
Normal brain stem and cerebellum.
No mass or intracranial bleed. I
mpression: Normal CT of the brain.

Alhamdulillah.

Collecting Stuff

Everybody likes to collect something in their life. When we were small, we always said that we love collecting stamps... sometimes I wonder if everybody actually collect stamps? I know I did, just 1 album la. But that one also was not really collected coz I bought all the stamps and just compiled it in the album. Then as we grew older we started to collect something else. Some collect story books, comics, animes, figurines and some collects hot chicks. Some older men collect wives. Hehe. Not forgetting those who collect friends and enemies along the way.

I like to collect shoes. Yes, I know every women loves shoes and handbags. So am I. And I like to collect books and manga too. I used to collect eraser but I think I lost it after I changed my cupboard. I used to have different kind of eraser, from normal ones, the one with eyes that can moves and one that can dismantle to form another thing. Interesting right. Right now I have this collection that drove my mom crazy... collecting empty boxes. At one time, my mom threw all the boxes, but now I managed to collect a few back. Huhu.

However, lately I've been collecting thing that I don't want to collect; common and uncurable disease. I've got asthma, sinusitus, gastric pain and the latest edition, migraine (I just discovered yesterday after a trip to a neurologist) under my name. Hmmm.... have to do head scan tomorrow morning to make sure I don't have any weird things in my head (beside my imaginations and ideas). Wish me luck.

Here We Go... Ole ole ole

The World Cup fever is back. The sleepless night and confusion between time zone in Malaysia and Germany has infected Malaysian men and women too. Even though I'm not a fanatic footie, but I watched this once in the 4 years event religiously and keep ahead with the latest news . Yes, thanks the all the men around me; abah, Naqib & Zainal, for the info and latest news (this is what happen if you're the only girl in the family). Now I can know it's an offside by looking at it after Naqib taught me nearly 10 times. And I know how to bet also.... Hehe.

My favourite team is Argentina!! This 2 times champion has big names like Messi, Rodriguez, Crespo and Saviola is one of the Pele's choice for this year World Cup. Not mentioning my favourite player, Pablo Aimar is also in the team (even though he's not in the first team), a 1997 FIFA World Youth winner and creative footballer who helped Valencia to win many titles. Hopefully they play well this year unlike in 2002 where they managed until the group stage only. Next group that I place my bet is Brazil. They really joga bonita when they play in the field.

I will watch games that show at 9pm and 12am, but 3am.... will think about it la. Maybe semi and final I will try to stay up with Naqib.

Got to stop now, Netherlands vs Serbia & Montenegro is already taking off.

Interview 1.0

Since I just finished my degree and as usual, I should start looking for a job. So let's look the journey to get a job and how many interview I have to go through.

Yesterday I went my first interview since the holiday started. It was at Sunway Group for management training under SMART programme. Hmm... I applied that at Career Path UM and I think Leen applied with me too. (Betul ke? Yg kita dpt mouse pad free tu kan?).
Anyway, I already forgot that I applied this when the company called me for interview. So I just went there to try my luck. I thought the interview was simple and quick. But then I discover it has a tentative programme for that particular day. It started with the presentation from HR director. Then came the nerve breaking part where each of us has to introduce ourselves and tell everybody what are the biggest achievement of your life. And... there are around 10 of the interviewer from various company under Sunway Group's representatives watching and evaluating us from behind. Finding one achievement is hard enough but hearing people's achievement can shrink your self esteem. There's many students (including few from UM in mech engineering) who stated their academic achievement as straight dean's list in 4 years of study. Not mentioning a structural engineer who doing her master and at the same time she always teaches latin dance (talk about multi talent people). Then there's people with degree of financial engineering (that's the first time I heard about it). At the end I just talked what I think I appropriate la.

Then we had to answer 3 set of paper. (Teringat kat PTD exam yg baru amik hari ni). The first want was the personal test la, biase la tu, second one was about what our interest, and the last one was the most '....' (I can't find any word to describe that). We had to write a story about 150-200 words based on the picture given. And there's 6 pictures, so 6 story to write. Waaahhh... memang keluar la semua kemahiran imiginasi yang selama ni disia-siakan, ade juga faedahnya. Huhu.

We even had tea break. (The curry puff was delicious). Now I know why they gave us the mouse pad. Diorang mmg kaya la. Lastly, of course, the interview part. Mine took 45 minutes. And all the questions were mostly about you should find one achievement you did, then tell what you did to achieve that, what the problem you occured, the resolution and result. (Bila balik rumah baru abah cakap tu concept sama macam dia guna masa kat Kimberly-Clark dulu. Ceh, apsal tak cakap awal. Punye la praktis bende yang langsung dier tak tanya). I think I did okay in the interview. The HR director was very nice.

I keep my finger cross for this job. Macam best je. They said that 1300 actually applied and they shortlisted to 60 only. Bangga pulak dapat shortlisted. But mostly Chinese la. On my batch itself, around 20 people, only 2 Malays, tu pun sorang lg tetiba balik half way. I think dunno why. Hmmm... kalau dapat keje ni, dapat la diskaun Sunway Lagoon Resort Hotel and Sunway Lagoon. Huhu. But overall, klau dapat ni memang best la. Dekat dengan rumah pulak tu. Hehe.

Tribute to Mr Z

This post is tributed to Zainal for saving me from rushing home from interview and become the virus killer of our home.

ps: ni post ikhlas tau. hehe.

New Layout

This is my third skin. Not so much changes except the background and position of the columns. The background picture guess who is she? Hehe... ~moi~

At the small details will correct it later coz I'm sleepy already...

Anyway, can anybody help me how to erase the grey bar with the imagebucket things there. It's an eyesore la. Please...please...please...

Please feel free to comment this skin.

KL International Motor Show 2006

Went to KL International Motor Show yesterday. Forgot that now is school holiday and there were a lot of kids who actually didn't really care why they were they except an opportunity for them to run around. Neway, I got 2 and a half hours of walking exercise plus various of cars to be gaped around.

I think this year motor show was not as exciting as the last 2 years'. I dunno, it just lacks of something. Less modified cars and well, less 'brand ambassador' aka the sexy model. Hehe. But the appearence of Honda's ASIMO was something interesting. Before this I only watched him in action in the net but yesterday managed to watch him live doing the wonders of artificial intelligence. Wow, can't believe the smoothness of that robot's movements.

Anyway, here's few picture from the motor show.

The 70s groovy car. Check out inside of the car. With disco ball! (me with the model...she's not friendly though, maybe she was to guys only, ceh)

My future car, SLR McLaren. Huhu.

Smartfortwo Brabus yang comel. Ok, I have a thing with Brabus cars. Maybe the fact that it only produce 9000 cars per year? Or that businessman that bought the B class with the price tag of RM 1.38 m? or both. Lastly.... Wonder on Wheels...Ferrari
....Bentley

Melancholy Me

When I'm sick and not feeling well, I have this hostile feeling to everyone around me. I easily get angry and annoyed by even smallest things. I hate jokes at this moment coz I felt like they are mocking my life. I sulked and become very quiet. However deep down inside, I want people to pamper me, give me more attention and at least sympathize my misfortune. But who would want to do that if I threat them badly?

Lately, I've been dreaming my high school a lot. The people, surrounding, teachers, my friends.... and it seem so peaceful, yet so alive. I missed that so much and the dreams make my wanna go to that place again. I want to meet one of my friend that I dreamed of last night. It seem that ages we haven't seen each other. I missed our talks and laughter.

I wanna go back to the place where life is much more happier and relaxed. I want to return to life where everyone wasn't that competitive and life is not about winning all the time. I want to meet all the people that you don't have to feel like a loser even though you are one. They don't make you feel one and always welcome you no matter in what condition you are in right now. They are the people that always make you feel like home no matter how long you haven't met them. I wanna meet them. I wanna meet all of them. I miss every single of them. I miss my schooling buddies. All the Subang people...

Help Me Doc! Part 2

Alhamdulillah my throat infection has somehow healed slowly. Remember the previous post where going to the doctor actually making me worse. Well, I found this in my cough syrup's instruction:

Contrainductions
It should be avoided in patients with liver disease or ASTHMATIC patients....

No wonder for all the symptoms I've experienced these few days. Unfortunately, I only read this when the syrup bottle was almost empty.

After the throat infection, now the acute sinusitis turn to attack me. The worst one was last night when half of my head, including my eye, jaw and cheek, was throbbing with pain. Tried all the home remedy that I can think of including putting a warm towel on my head, put water in my nose (I don't know why I can think of this method, but I was desperate) and lastly I gave up and slept. Apparently nothing can take away my sleep, I actually managed to sleep almost 12 hours last night. (I woke up earlier but found out the headache didn't go away and I slept back).

After the last episode of doctor visit, I only went to pharmacy to buy my sinus medicine. And back to my old friend, Panadol, for my headache.

Help Me Doc!

I was coughing from last week and 3 days ago, I felt something funny at my throat. Asked my brother and he said it just throat infection. Need to go to doc? No need, just take strepsils and gurgle the antiseptic mouthwash. But it took sometimes to heal.

Being stubborn and wanted to heal fast, (including persuasion from my dad) I went to see my dear doctor. He gave me antibiotic and cough syrup (it will you drowsy, but it's ok doc, now I got more reason to sleep). Well, I thought I'm gonna heal fast but I getting worse now. Before this the cough is because the itchiness in the throat but now, it just pure cough without any reason with excessive secretions. The cough is getting frequent and painful. Rase macam nak tercabut tekak batuk. (Just hope this will not lead to asthma). At the same time I realized that your body would become tired easily.

Wonder why going to the doctor has made it worse? Hmmm....

Ps: Really pissed off with my cousin just now who didn't understand my health condition and forced me to bring her to Kepong (which according to her is near to my house) to meet her bf for just 15 minutes. Thank God, Naqib saved the day and be my driver today. (Note: This medicine may cause drowsiness. If affected do not DRIVE or operate machinery).

Memories from Spring Cleaning

I was cleaning my bookcase the other day and I found things that bring back so much memories during the life after secondary school. Not mentioning 6 unused files from lever clip, spring clip, clear holder to document case... every files that you can find at stationary shop. Then I found few notebooks (different sizes and types!) that I only used few pages and the others all blank. The most interesting finding was my journals (I have few that was used at different time) that I wrote when I was not really trust internet for all my thoughts. Here's one of the thought that I wrote when I was homesick at Kuala Pilah matriculation (yes, I was there for 1 month before I ran to Asasi). I wrote the title as 'A Kind of Love'. (And yes, my school friends voted me as most jiwang gal).

Love is something that two people share. But how about a love that only a person feel? Like people say, if you clap one of your hand, it won't make any sound. But some people say love is not necessary to possess the one you love. You can love someone but the one you love doesn't love you.

But what's the point of loving somebody that doesn't love you? Sometimes when you love somebody so much, you just don't care whether they love you or not. But this kind of love doesn't bring you anywhere, isn't it?

There is a time in your life when your love was rejected by other people. Some people would move on, some people would try until their love was accepted, but some would always love them in silent.

Silent love is a painful disease with no cure. Inside the heart, a voice is screaming, crying and begging to be the one it's love. And of course it would never happen unless he try. So, to satisfy a heart, a voices that came out from the one it's love, a smile and a glinch of her face could be a cure.

But what if this silent love would stay forever in his heart and never accepted anybody else. He would stay in the past and refuse to move on. People like this would find it hard to love someone else. This would waste their life for something they can't have. Isn't it sad?

Somehow, forgetting somebody who you have falling in love is not as easy as ABC. This is worse when someone that you love is your bestfriend. It's like losing a bestfriend and love at the same time.

Patience is the best remedy to this disease. But if it's too long, give up. Give a chance to your heart to love someone else. Maybe this is your true love. A love that will love you back. Maybe, I said maybe, you'll love happily ever after. Hey, 'false hope is better than no hope at all'.

25 March 2001

Was broken hearted at that moment about someone... When I think back, it was a wait that worth it.

Rejuvenated

Just come back from Port Dickson after 3 days rejuvenating my body, mind and soul there. It was much needed holiday after all the stressful episodes. It was wonderful vacation with 7 Tengs that will last in the 500 MB digital photos memory. Hehe.

The days were packed from morning till midnight. After check-in, we immediately went for a ride in banana boat, followed by swimming by the beach, swimming in the pool before retreated to the room. After dinner (at a restaurant that gave us discount RM15!) heart-to-heart session was done in the room. The next day, we went to Melaka and Kak Farah's house (wah, macam nak balik kampung... best rumah tu... so calming in the middle of orchard). The last day, we went to Ostrich Farm in PD. Everybody got a certificate for riding an ostrich (boleh masuk resume ke ni?).

I never hold so many animals in 2 days - albino rattlesnake, crocodile, rabbits, ostrich, horse and crabs. Maybe I should work at WWF. Anybody wants to give me a job there?

Anywhere but Here

I felt suffocating here. The air is thick with anger, sadness and fakeness. I can't breath in this condition. I just want to get out from here.

It's getting more stressful and tension since I started to stay here full time after finishing my study. Everything is about money. And money that makes us suffer. Damn it.

I've been suffering from headache for almost a week now and Panadol has been my best friend. Been taken it everyday, sometimes I feel like drug addict. Last night asthma attacked me in the middle of the night. This is worse than exam + thesis. This is going to last forever.

Somebody let me out from here. Please.

2 Celebrations Part II

Apparently somebody wanted to be included in the list of people who send me wishes for my birthday (nampak sangat ketidak ikhlasan. hehe, no la, just joking) so here goes.... Thank you En Adib for your wish in both birthday and presentation, and recommendation letter. Rase malu plak bile org puji kite, rase tak layak utk pujian tu.

I forgot to mention that day, Faraha called me wishing me happy birthday, like she always do every year. Miss her so much. Gonna crash her house this holiday. Be prepared!!

2 Celebrations

Today is my anniversary with Zainal. Wow, 4 years already. Never thought would last this long. Last 3 days was my birthday. The best ever!!

23rd birthday has no significant meaning like 21 which symbol freedom and 17 which you can take driving license. But this birthday was special to me. In 4 years I studied in UM, this is the first time I can actually celebrated with my friends. Before this it always fell on semester break. The other reason was on that day itself, I finished my undergraduate study (unofficially). And lastly, I actually celebrated my birthday 2 nights in the row!

My birthday celebration started at 5 pm actually. That's the time that I passed up my thesis. The whole night I was doing the final editing before I had to pass it up on my birthday. The only celebration I got was birthday wishes from a lot of people (sangat2 terharu). The first night was celebration with my guy. We had our dinner at Chili's before watching Mission Impossible 3 (he bought us a Gold Class ticket! Jakun giler first time masuk. Hehe. Tapi best). By the way, Chili's food was marvellous. Now I know why people recommended that place.

Then the whole second day was spend sleeping apart going to faculty and realized the computer lab was closed coz it was Friday afternoon. Sigh. That night was a celebration with my girlfriends, Tengs. We went to Muara Seafood in Port Klang. It was 1 hour drive (coz we used the old road, but on the way home we realized that using highway can actually shorten the time to half) but the food was worthwhile. We actually couldn't managed to finish everything (talk about ordering with empty stomach) plus there was a 1.6 kg Secret Recipe cake to be eaten. 7 girls finally gave up after a while. Was laughing the whole night and oblivious to the surround people (we're not in the best shape for calon isteri that night - and all other times too, girls should allow to have fun, don't they). Hehe.

Overall, it was the best birthday ever. Thanks for all the presents; watch from Zainal, frame/jewellary box from Tengs, keychain from Jin Ho (pronouced Cino) and books from Naqib (thanks for not buying the LOTR pendant) and Abang. Thanks for your remembrance and wishes from En Azlan, Peja, Phahmeen, Leen, Liya, Acik, Mai, Nik Faris, Nida, one unknown no, Jarinah, Safiyah and Kak Farah. And all the testimonial in Friendster (I will reply this personally, I promise but I can't say when. Huhu) Adlina, Zainal (again), Faisal, Shahnon, Yonz, Leena, Lisa, Ivy and Kicap.

PAGE for Final Year Biomed Student

This is done while revising for Artificial Intelligence 4 days ago. (nampak sangat tak belajar)

Percept - notes, journals, lab sheets, book, powerpoint presentation, notice, sometimes movies

Action - sleep, thesis experiments, sleep, lab experiment, sleep, eat, watching movies, sleep, sleep in class, walking to class, walking to photostat0 shops, sleep

Goal - to finish the thesis, assignment, lab reports and presentation, sleep as much as we can, and still keep our sanity

Environment

• Partial accessible - see what we can see or what we choose to see, ignore those which make our life hell
• Stochastic (Non-deterministic) - Don't know what going to happen in the future. Take life one step at the time and enjoy every moment of it.
• Episodic - do stuff according to the emotion mostly, never thinks what the censequences in the future. Like sleeping all the time and having fun all the time without realizing works is still pending.
• Dynamic - the environment still moving, even though we still standing here watching people.
• Partial discrete - still moving continously but also discrete when in exam. (Yelah, karang kena tangkap meniru plak). And if you are a Teng, you are never discrete.

Type of agent

Combination of these agents:

• Goal Based Agent - the goal is to get out of UM with a degree. So, will do anything to get a degree.
• Utility Based Agent - try to archieve the goal with the easiest and simpliest way. Like copying and pasting.
  

Well, finally I finished my 4 years of undergraduate study (Please Dr Amir, don't fail my AI).