Something Purply

Watching Duke basketball

2012-02-10T00:29:00.001+08:00

I know I'm lying if I said I don't miss my life back in US. I've been dreaming in my sleep about places in US these past few weeks. Like I dreamed I went shopping in Marshall's and picnic at Duke Garden. But today, the event that took place in Duke made me missed Durham even more. What else than Duke vs UNC basketball rivalry.

I missed watching Duke basketball live, whether in the stadium itself, with other Dukies around the campus TV or at my apartment. The energy was amazing. To watch live in Cameron Indoor Stadium itself, you have to queue up to 2 hours or more, no matter if it is in winter or spring. Then in the stadium, there's no seating area for the graduate students. So the whole 2 hours game, you are standing up. You are jumping, cheering and shouting all the time. It is so crazy. Crazy beautiful.

This afternoon Malaysia time, there's a match between Duke and UNC at UNC ground. I was following the live updates from tweeter. UNC was leading all the way but few minutes before the game over, Duke was catching up. But the last 10 seconds, something wonderful happened. Austin Rivers got hold the ball and threw it for 3-pointer. The ball went into the hop when the clock turned to zero. And guess what? Duke won by just 1 point. You should see the face of all UNC.. haha.

There's a tradition in Duke, when we won against UNC, we will burn the benches.. Yup, those benches was build for that. The first semester I went to Duke, no benches got burned but lately I realized Duke must been building a lot of benches nowadays. Haha. I witnessed one burning ceremony during my last semester. Again, crazy! Don't worry, we got permit to do that.

Below are the pictures took when I was there in 2010 win!

Waaaa.. I want to go back to Duke, Durham and US. Even just for visiting. Hmmm.. maybe I should ask my company to send me there someday ;)

Ps: there is a saying in Duke and it is GTHC which mean Go To Hell Carolina!

The making of our dream home: The beginning

2012-02-05T02:10:00.000+08:00

One of my new year wish for this year is to move to our own house at least in May. Yes, our own sweet little dream house. I want to record all the journey in building our love nest in this blog of mine.

The house that we bought is a second hand intermediate double storey linked house that never been renovated since ermm.. 1980s? The good news is that since it is in original state, we can change whatever we want but the bad news is there's a lot of changes need to be done. In short, major renovation!

Me who has an ambition to be an architect (besides astronomer but never engineer) is so happy to take this project especially it's going to be my own house. I declared myself to be the chief of designer and Zainal is of course the project manager. We also have other responsibilities like CFO (me- was forced to) and CEO (Zainal - self-appointed).

However there is a challenge being a designer and also finance controller. How am I gonna let my creative juice flow if every time I saw a beautiful product that suitable for the house, I have to think if this will also fit our budget. OMG, see how evil my husband's plan is. Initially he's the CFO but after hearing all my ideas, he decided I should be both so I can be creative within budget. To tell the truth, it's not easy and very stressful.

Anyway, after scouting for best house loans we finally decided on HSBC as they gave the best rate. Then we just used the lawyer that the bank used for ourselves too. Well, not our best decision as they keep on delaying my request until now. Now, they are my daily call to chase them. What a hassle.

While waiting to get our money for renovating, I started my role. I used Google SketchUp to draw the house plan as I don't have the house plan. We went to the house and measured every area. Then my job was to draw back the sketches accurately using a proper software. I was debating whether to use AutoCad or SketchUp but decided to use SketchUp since it is specialized for drawing building plan and can draw 3D easier than AutoCad. Glad I made that decision as it is indeed easier than AutoCad but the function a bit limited compared to AutoCad. So I recommend to use SketchUp if you want to draw house plan and you are not an architect.

After few discussion with my CEO, we came out with the final design. The house will have a library/study room, bigger kitchen, laundry room (inspired by Meg house in Durham), a glass room (or I called it Zainal's room) and of course a walk-in wardrobe. Other than that, the house will maintain it's original structure.

We put up a 'board' using majong paper at our rent house that served as out idea board for the project. All ideas, details and processes were pasted there for reference. It was situated at the our dining area and every day we will pass through it. It's a constant reminder about our future house =)

The board at first day (excuse me for the pink wall, my landlord must really love pink & purple coz he painted the whole living room and dining area in these colour):

House plan - the current and proposed plan

Not-so-current idea board (coz now is more crowded than this):

I used post-it note, something that I learned at Duke for brainstorming especially for processes.

That's all for now. I will continue the next step that we took after we agreed on the design.

From stress to gastric pain to acid reflux to almost asthma

2012-01-20T12:11:00.001+08:00

Kekadang bukan bermakna tak boleh memandu boleh buat kerja di rumah, tetapi maksud adalah lebih mendalam dari itu. Kekadang ia adalah indication orang itu tidak sihat dan tak boleh bekerja.

Just because you need something urgent from me, your comment is not relevant anymore. You are the one who delay it, so don't push it to me and made it my urgency.

Haiyooo.. Doktor dah cakap jangan stress tapi macam mana tak stress, baru dapat cuti sakit tak sampai separuh hari pun penuh dengan phone call yang menyakitkan hati. Ok, no more unknown phone call after this. I want to rest and sleep.

posted from Bloggeroid

4 years of bliss

2012-01-19T22:52:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulillah today marked the 4th year of our marriage. A blissful union of two best friend and lover.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish my beloved husband (my blog biggest fan) "happy 4th anniversary". I wouldn't change anything of what we have and I am so glad to have you as my husband in this life and insyaAllah in hereafter.

To my husband, thank you so much for always be there for me through everything. Thank you for supporting my interest, ideas and opportunities. Thank you for accepting my gaps and challenges. Thank you for being my best friend, my lover and my everything. Thank you for always believe in me, trust me and stay loyal with me. Thank you for everything.

4 years is just a beginning of great life together. We have another 40, 50 or more years ahead of us that will promise more challenges and changes but as long as we stay together and still madly in love, InsyaAllah everything can be faced with open arms.

I pray everyday that our marriage is forever blessed by Allah and will last till the end of our life and continue in heaven InsyaAllah.

posted from Bloggeroid

Cheers to 2011

2012-01-15T00:28:00.000+08:00

Today is the 15th day of 2012 and the second day of my sick day. First sick of the year yo! Haha.. Don't worry, Allah wanted to test my iman in new year. I am feeling better now when I have the best husband by my side.

Haven't done the Something Purply new year tradition yet, which is 2011 re-cap. I don't think people really care to read about it but it is for my memory. I don't have a physical diary anymore, so my blog serves as my diary. When I'm down or bored or need to confirm some date, I will read back my blog and reminiscence the good and bad old days.

What has happened in 2011? To tell the truth, nothing much. Continuing 2010 news, death of close family members was still unavoidable. In June, my uncle that lived in JB passed away on Thursday night. 14 hours later my father in law passed away on Friday morning. Both death were a great shock to us. This kind of death really remind me how death will come to you whether you prepared for it or not.

Then, few weeks before Ramadhan, my fur kid, Choki passed away too. One of the saddest moment of my life as I watched him died in my care and felt helpless about it. That night I called every veterinary that open 24 hours, but none wants to take in a rabbit. I never felt so helpless and angry at that moment. Worse still, at the last night Choki alive, when half on his body couldn't moved, he tried to walk to an area that he always sat that can see directly to the kitchen because I was there. He wanted to be near us. Oh, I still not ready to have a full post on this. Still crying while typing this.

However, of course there are good news in 2011. Finally we bought a house! Yes, a house under our name and that's mean, our biggest loan yet. Well, 30 years of loan that it. Where is it? No other than Subang Jaya. Budak Subang will always have their heart to Subang no matter where they go :p

We hardly travel in 2011. One diving trip to Pulau Dayang (again!) and Singapore. That's it. We spend most of our time working our butt off building back our financial stability and progression in career. Alhamdulillah, our hard work paid off with excellent year end performance review and remuneration.

Oh I joined a new company in April. From small start up company to one of the biggest company in the world. Wasn't a shock to me as the new company is friendly and welcoming me with open arms. It has made the transaction to new environment easier and smoother.

Well, 2011 has been good to us if not great. InsyaAllah, 2012 will bring more good news and happiness all around us.

My wish for 2012

2011-12-30T19:20:00.001+08:00

Can't believe today is the final working day and second final day for 2011. Time really flies when you are busy living. I don't usually make new year resolution as I know I won't follow it. I make resolution throughout year. However this year I want to make some wishes for next year. Not resolutions but wishes.

My wish for next year:
1. To move to our own house latest by June (earlier would be better)
2. Be a better muslimah and closer to Allah
3. To travel more
4. To be healthier
5. Get pregnant (this would be the 3rd year wishing the same thing. It's ok, insyaAllah ada la rezeki nanti)
6. Work smart and maintain the motivation

Six should be enough. If I can achieve all, Alhamdulillah...

Wishing all of you a wonderful new year 2012 and stay safe.

posted from Bloggeroid

Happy for you

2011-12-14T20:34:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure which one hurt me most.

The fact that I wasn't being informed by the owner about it, again.

Or

The fact that after this my journey will back to the lonely road like a year ago.

Or

Another reminder on how unsuccessful I am on this area of life.

Or

I'm just being jealous.

Whatever it is, I AM happy for you, really. Maybe a little bit jealous and emotional but I am happy for you.

posted from Bloggeroid

Just general topics please

2011-12-11T23:07:00.001+08:00

Never ask a single person if they're "seeing anyone special", an unemployed person if they've found a job, or a married couple when they're planning to have children. You're are not making conversation. You're starting someone on the road to Prozac.

It is rude to ask a woman if she is pregnant. But it is a death wish to answer "yes" if a woman asks, "Do I look pregnant?".

- A Total Waste of Make Up by Kim Gruenenfelder

We should stick to the general topics like weather (yeah, it has been raining every day this week. OMG did you see how bad Kajang flood was?), traffics (it took me 1 hour plus to get here. And I have to pay tolls) or food (I think JM Briyani still has the best nasi briyani).

Remember people, general topics. GENERAL TOPICS.

10 Muharram 1433

2011-12-07T11:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was 10 Muharram also called Asyura day. Hazrat Ibn Abbas (Radiyallahu 'anh) reports that the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa Sallam) arrived in Madinah and found the Jews observing fast on the day of ‘Ashura… They said: "It is the day of great (significance) when Allah delivered Hazrat Musa ('Alaihis-Salaam) and his people and drowned Pharoah and his people, and Sayyidina Musa ('Alaihis-Salaam) observed fast out of gratitude. And we also observe it." The Holy Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa Sallam) responded: "We have more right, and we have closer connection with Sayyidina Musa ('Alaihis-Salaam) than you have"; so Allah’s Messenger (Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa Sallam) observed fast (on the day of ‘Ashura) and gave us orders to observe it. [Sahih Bukhari and Muslim]

‘Ashura is a day of great historical significance. On this day: Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) accepted the repentance of Sayyidina Adam ('Alaihis-Salaam) after his exile from Paradise; Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) saved Sayyidina Nuh ('Alaihis-Salaam) and his companions in the ark; Allah extinguished the fire in which Sayyidina Ibrahim ('Alaihis-Salaam) was thrown by Nimrod; And Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) spoke directly to Sayyidina Musa ('Alaihis-Salaam) and gave him the Commandments. On this same 10th of Muharram, Sayyidina Ayyub ('Alaihis-Salaam) was restored to health (from leprosy); Sayyidina Yusuf ('Alaihis-Salaam) was reunited with his father Ya’qub ('Alaihis-Salaam); Sayyidina Yunus ('Alaihis-Salaam) was taken out from the belly of the fish; and the sea was divided as the nation of israel was delivered from captivity and Pharoah’s army was destroyed. ‘Ashura is also the day when Sayyidina Dawud ('Alaihis-Salaam) was forgiven; the kingdom of Sulaiman ('Alaihis-Salaam) was restored; Sayyidina Isa ('Alaihis-Salaam) was raised to Jannah and Sayyidina al-Husayn (Radiyallahu 'anh) (the Holy Prophet’s, Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa Sallam, grandson) achieved the honor of Martyrdom. (from: http://sunnah.org/ibadaat/fasting/ashura.htm )

Besides these important events in Islamic calendar, there is one event that important happened in my life on this date. It is my wedding anniversary. Every year we celebrate 2 dates, one Hijriah and one Masihi.

When I was choosing a date for our nikah, I was so determined to have it on the 10 Muharram for obvious reason. I didn't care what date is that in Masihi and Alhamdulillah 10 Muharram 1429 fell on Saturday of January the 19th 2008.

I'm praying that our marriage is forever blessed by Allah and lasting in happiness and barakah until the end of our life and continue in heaven, InsyaAllah.

posted from Bloggeroid

Prosecutor Princess

2011-10-04T23:13:00.000+08:00

It was totally my fault. I admit.

I was bored at home last weekend and nothing interesting on the tv. I was in the mood for some mushy love story. Then I remembered My Soju. The heaven of Korean drama. So I thought why not. I made a little research and settled for 'Prosecutor Princess'.

And I started to watch and watched until on Sunday night at 1am, I was at the 12th episode. Yeay! 4 more episodes and I'm done. So you can now guess how interesting and addictive that series is. Plus the yummy *ahem* actors, I just couldn't stop watching it. Thinking about work the next morning, I reluctantly stopped watching and went to sleep.

The next day at work, I just couldn't concentrate. My mind was at home thinking the next episodes of this series. The clock seemed to tick so slow that I was tempting to go back home early. I just couldn't concentrate anymore!

I arrived home, eating dinner quickly and parked myself in front of the laptop. Connect the HDMI cable from the tv to laptop, I reached my wireless mouse. Clicked on the 13th episode and pressed play. And I waited and waited and waited...........

What happened? The file loading become super slow unlike yesterday where it was so fast and it was as if I'm using dial-up. I tried finding in various website but all videos were very slow. I was so frustrated. Really really am. Maybe the site has some problem. Ok, be patient Mun.

So today I tried again and it still the same. Super slow and I can't even finished 1 episode! My frustration has turned to anger. I only left 4 episode!!!! The most important episodes where the plot has thicken and the conclusion is to be told!!!!

WHY????????

In case you interested to watch this, watch it online for free here: Prosecutor Princess

If you ask me how many star I would give to this drama, I'll give 4.5/5 stars. Seriously, it has very good storyline and acting. Love it.

Some random stuff

2011-10-01T11:20:00.001+08:00

1. After 2 days away from home, my colleague said she missed her bed. She asked me did I miss my bed? Unfortunately I did not miss my bed, I missed the person whom I share the bed with.

2. I love cuddling. From I was small, my late uncle (& grandpa) pampered me with constant cuddling and hugging. Once he told me that when I got married and if my husband doesn't like cuddling, don't feel bad, not all men like cuddling. At that time in my little girl mind I promised myself to get a husband that like cuddling. And I got one of course. Alhamdulillah.

3. I've been dreaming all sort weird dreams these past few months. Husband couldn't take it anymore hearing my weird dreams until he suggested to me why don't I open a new blog and blog about my weird dream. Ceh. No thanks. But why this weird dreams?

4. I realized I've becoming workaholic lately. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about emails that I should reply and unconsiously composing email in my head. And I even have a list of works need to be done on weekend. And I have a bunch other chores need to be done at home. I really need to chill. It's ok, next week we are going for a weekend break in Singapore. Can't wait!

posted from Bloggeroid

It's all about family

2011-09-22T23:53:00.000+08:00

It took me 26 years to realize that Raya is all about family. It's not about ketupat, new clothes, fireworks, duit raya, going back to kampung or rendang. It's all about family. You can have all of that but without family on Raya, nothing matters. You can have nothing of that but if you are with your family on Raya, you have everything.

It doesn't matter whether you are in a foreign land, in hospital or just your ol' plain house, but when the family are together, enjoying the food (any food) and share the stories and jokes, that is how Raya supposed to be. Believe me when I said this. I used to Raya at different places, with different people, but at the end, the ones that celebrated with the family are the best, even though I have to become a tourist on Raya (yea, my dad's American friends came visiting Malaysia on Raya and abah has to bring them around!).

Yes, 26 years for me to realize this. Then I started to appreciate family presence more. Last year we celebrated it in hospital and this year, we spend more time visiting the graveyard. Last year only Mek's grave was visited, but this year we added 3 more people - Kak Zura, Pak & Abah Zainal. Allah loves them more and wanted them to spend their Raya with His loved ones.

So this year, I looked at each one of my family member, and tried to enjoy each of their presence coz you never know what is going to happen in the future. Because sometimes we tend to miss the simple but important thing in life.

Salam Aidil Fitri. Maaf Zahir & Batin...

Blessed

2011-08-21T00:37:00.000+08:00

I never felt so blessed and thankful for what I'm having right now. Even though Allah hasn't given us our own juniors but he replaced it with abundant of other goodness that I'm so thankful of . He gave me the most loving, patient and greatest husband. Abundant of love from families. Rezeki yang melimpah ruah. Peace of mind and healthy body. Sincere and long lasting friendships. Fun colleagues and interesting mentor.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

Don't worry, I will never give up on my efforts and continue praying to You. Coz efforts and doa go hand in hand...

Ramadhan 2011

2011-08-14T14:08:00.001+08:00

Ramadhan is here for 2 weeks already and going through our daily life in the lightning speed. I'm so blessed that Allah has granted me another year to experience and indulge Ramadhan; a month that full of blessing. I'm also blessed that this year I have my husband beside me every single day for this Ramadhan. Anddd he wakes up earlier than me every day for to prepare sahur. Who wouldn'y be blessed by that? Hehe, thank you sayang.

However work is not on my side. On this particular month I'm doing two roles. One is my current role which also required me to train the new person who is taking over my role. At the same time, I have to learn about my new role and get trained by the current staff. Sometimes I have to travel to the HQ where all my stakeholders are sitting. And when that happened, I can anticipate almost 2 hours traffic congestion when coming home. I don't even have a break in the 8 hours streach so that I can go home early for iftar. By 9pm, I'm so worn out and I would miss terawih.

Though my company has majority of non-muslim, the muslim community is quite active in activities. They have talks and tadarus during Ramadhan unfortunately I can't join. I don't know where to squeeze that slot into my calendar. Sometimes I want to cry by just looking at my outlook calendar.

Anyway, despite all this complaint, I'm happy to be given the opportunity to be in this new role. There's a lot to learn and grow than the current role. Just pray that I survive through it un-scratch.

So on this blessed month, I would like to wish my few (probably only 2 haha) blog reader, have a great Ramadhan this year. Let's take this opportunity to collect as many pahala we can get. To those whom I have hurt your feeling (I know I have enemies) I'm sorry. Let's forgive and forget.

posted from Bloggeroid

An evening well spent

2011-07-24T01:23:00.001+08:00

Every girl needs a best friend that she can be her true self without being judge. I am so blessed as I have a best friend that fit the description. The best thing is that we knew each other since we were 7. We have up and down, of course, but we forgive and forget each other coz the friendship is more important than some stupid misunderstanding we had.

We met each other this afternoon and boy, we were non-stop updating each other with our stories and of course gossip over a glass of yummy apple crush. In between that, we would reminiscent funny moments when we were in school. Then we walked around to find a baju raya that fit our budget which is a bit impossible coz our taste is always way over than our budget. It has been awhile since I went shopping with her. We always too busy to shop and end up in a cafe instead when we met.

What a good feeling! So we decided that we need to do this on monthly basis after Raya. Yeay!

Strong

2011-07-04T23:10:00.000+08:00

Dalam kehidupan ini, kita hanya boleh merancang tapi Tuhan yang menentukan segala-galanya. Mungkin bagi kita itu yang terbaik, itu yang kita idam-idamkan dan itu yang kita inginkan tetapi jika itu bukan suratan kita, maka bersabarlah. InsyaAllah, ada hikmah di sebalik itu. InsyaAllah, ada yang lebih baik malah paling terbaik untuk kita.

Mungkin pengalaman kita dengan dia sekejap, sebab itu Allah nak kita masih bersama dia. Mungkin dia dapat beri tunjuk ajar untuk kita. Mungkin dia dapat mendewasakan kita. Mungkin dia akan memberi pengajaran kepada kita bahawa jangan lah kita bersikap begitu.

Sungguh mudah untuk berkata-kata, menaip untuk memujuk hati yang luka. Tetapi terbakar hati siapa yang tahu. Berkecai harapan siapa yang nampak. Hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu betapa kecewa dan sedih hati yang lara ini.

Sesungguhnya ini lah kehidupan, kekadang kita ingat apabila keluarnya kita dari gua yang kelam dan sunyi, matahari akan menyambut kita. Rupa-rupanya taufan melanda menenggelami jasad yang kecil dalam pukulan air menduyun.

Namun hidup perlu diteruskan. Di gua gelap akan kuterangi dengan cahaya hati. Dalam ributan angin akan kupaut di dahan cinta. Dalam kelemasan bah akan kuberenang ke tebing harapan. Sudah ku berjanji di dalam hati ku, tiada seorang manusia pun yang patut membuat ku gagal, tidak ada seorang pun boleh membuat aku membenci diriku dan tidak ada seorang pun boleh mematikan semangatku. Hanya aku yang berhak memilih kegembiraanku. Bukan mereka, bukan dia dan semestinya bukan kau.

Kerana kau hanya datang dalam hidupku untuk merosakkan hatiku. Mungkin kau akan sentiasa akan hadir di mataku, jiwaku dan ingatanku tetapi hanya lah sekadar peringatan pada ku bahawa aku adalah kuat.

Badminton or food

2011-07-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

Whenever Zainal has time, we will join his friends playing badminton on Friday night. Nothing competitive, just having fun while working out our muscles. Especially me that hardly moving nowadays. The movement I have is from the parking lot that next to the elevator which situated just a few meters from my desk. Yeah, I need this workout.

Usually after badminton, Zainal and I will have a late supper before we head home. The usual hotspots including A&W at PJ where the coney dog is to die for and sometimes I'll have their waffle and ice cream. Some other time, Murni would be our spot when we have enough of A&W. Last week we went to Anggerik in USJ 2. After we ordered our food then only we noticed kambing golek! The memories of eating one of the best kambing golek at Zainal's friend aqiqah rushed to our mind. Since we already ordered, we decided maybe next time we try.

So few days ago, I asked if we are going to play badminton this week. Guess what came out of our mind? Kambing golek! Then I realized food has been the main agenda of our badminton session nowadays. So much of working out huh. I don't think the badminton sessions we had can eliminated the calories that I took after the sessions. Haha.

Tonight I skipped the badminton session coz I'm not feeling well. Before Zainal left the house, I asked him sheepishly, "Are you going to buy kambing golek tonight?" He gave me the look. I guess kambing golek has to wait again.

38th Anniversary

2011-06-30T00:51:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I went to my parents home after coming back from a meeting in Damansara. It supposed to be a quick stop to get some documents. Then more documents requested by mr hubby while I was there that lead to wonderful discovery.

Mak discovered her surat nikah and guess what? That day was her anniversary with my dad. Guess how long? 38 years anniversary!

Congratulations mak and abah.... Love both of you so much. Though I'm full of second child plus the only girl syndrome when growing up (and even now), they still love me endlessly and I am so blessed.

I told abah, on your 40th anniversary, let's do some celebration. Yeah, we can do kenduri doa selamat he said. I said you can have pelamin and cut cake again. He just laughed and that pelamin idea will not going to happen I can assure you. Haha...

I prayed that they still will be here, healthy and active for their 50th, 60th,70th and more anniversary.

I just want you to listen

2011-06-25T00:27:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I called you just because I wanted to talk and share my day, week or just some random moments. But I guess it's hard just to listen without condemning back whatever I shared with you. It was always like that, me sharing and you condemning. Every time.

I guess that's why when I was growing up, I kept everything to myself. I wrote on many diaries that I collected throughout the years pouring my heart out. Deep inside my heart I just want you to listen, sympathize or laugh with me but not using my words to get back at me. But no, what I shared was wrong, said you, I should have done this not that.

Over the years, I tried to close the gaps and have a healthy relationship with you again. But I realized how naive I am trying to convince myself that things will change easily.

Especially when there's a third party that was set to destroy all of us. I got the feeling that third party was determined to set us apart. Burning every tie that hold all of us and making me a bad guy.

Tonight, when things got tough and rough, I called you to share my story. And I regret of doing it. I forgot that I am a bad guy. Bad guy never gets love. Bad guy is always wrong. And yup, the third party is best girl you ever met.

Well, if this is my fate, I shall keep my mouth shut and share to those who appreciate me for who I am only.

Testing 123

2011-06-23T23:17:00.001+08:00

Using my phone phone to blog... Testing if it's ok or not.

Proudly join the android army... Haha

Hapy Father's Day

2011-06-19T00:04:00.000+08:00

Happy father's day abah!! I love you =)

Full message will come soooonn..

Friday tears

2011-06-06T23:46:00.000+08:00

I just heard the Perry Band song, If I Die Young and got emotional tonight.

I just wrote a post on Pak's death and suddenly 2 days ago I was shocked by another 2 deaths within 24 hours. Both are someone I knew well.

I don't know if I can write about death anymore. Suddenly death of my loved ones become the most of my status updates in my Facebook.

But the last two were the shocking ones. It didn't come with notice.

I know Pak Zhari has lung cancer but I also knew that he wasn't hospitalised on the day he passed away. In fact he still went to work on that day. Heck, he was not even retired yet. He was my father younger brother. How do I know that the last time I met him was few months ago would be the last time.

I met my father-in-law, also called Abah 2 weeks ago. I always find that visiting him was pleasant experience. You can see happiness in his face every time we visited him. Like every single time. Last 2 weeks visit was like any other visit, he was telling stories and asking about our life. How do I know that was the last time I was going to visit him.

Well, that's life. Allah has promise every person will face death. How, when and where is not known to us. He asked us to be prepared all the time. Am I prepared yet? Are you?

Al-Fatihah to Pak Zhari who passed away on the Friday night and Abah on the Friday afternoon. May Allah bless your soul and place you among His favourites...

Why I love May #4

2011-05-29T01:13:00.002+08:00

I'm going to continue counting why I love May again. I mean I have counted to 3 but everybody knows it's all for the same reason- my birthday. But of course, May is just not about my birthday. It also our anniversary, which can be summarize to this equation:

[Our wedding anniversary 2011]² = Our All-time Anniversary on 7th May 2011

Yes, we are 9 years baby!

Happy birthday Pak

2011-05-23T23:30:00.026+08:00

Today is Arwah Pak's birthday. If Pak alive today, he will be turning 64 years old. But Allah loves him more and brought him back to His side. I never write about Pak's death here yet. It's too sad to be written and today, after 170 days he is gone, I need to put it down here. I have written about his deterioration in here and here.

Pak is not just an uncle of mine, he was like my second father. In fact I spend more time with him when I was growing up and got more influence from him than my real dad. He took care of me since I was 40 days old. He and Mek spend the day with me and then at night I would went back to my parents house. This routine had been going on until I finished my secondary school.

Everyday he would send me to school, tuition, extra co-curriculum, friends' party, and all over the place. He make sure that his jobs were only at night or will not interfere my school schedule. If he can't made it, he would called his trusted taxi driver to pick me up. He took care of me when I was sick, watched over my grades, find the best tuition teachers for me, make sure I friend with the correct crowd and everything a parent would do to his daughter. In fact what he did is above what a parent would do.

He taught me a lot about life (everything from stock market, politic, being a good mother and many more), asked me to be more critical thinking, answer my questions on religion logically until I understand why something was ruled that way (never scold me if I questioned religion), encouraged me to read a lot, introduced me to a lot of people from all types of life, introduced me to charity works and always remind me to be a good wife (yup, since small! Hehe).

He was an ustaz, loved by many but at the same time in this life, when you are trying to spread the truth, there are some people who are offended and cannot see you happy. But he never back off from what he believe is true and hold on to his belief.

He loved holidaying in islands around Malaysia beside frequent umrah trips. Last year when I came home from US for good, he insisted that we went to an island for a holiday. I was reluctant at first but finally we went to Redang. When I think about it right now, I'm glad I did follow him because that was my last holiday with him and his last holiday before he passed away.

After that trip, he started to have frequent headache before doctor diagnosed him with high blood pressure. Then when he started getting worse and was admitted to hospital, then only doctor realized he was having a stroke. He was conscious only few days in the hospital before he was unconscious for more than 2 months and passed away without gaining conscious.

I remembered first few days he was in the hospital. He asked for few kuih that he loved. I went out to buy for him but when I arrived there, the nurses had put tube through his nose for eating liquid only. Nurses won't allowed me to give him solid food because she scared that it will go to his lung instead. Hearing that, I didn't give him the kuih and put it at the side of the bed. I went down to break my fast and when I came up again, I saw his tube was removed and he asked for the kuih. I asked the nurses if they removed it and I can give Pak the kuih. It turned out that Pak removed it himself (coz he wanted the kuih) and because of that, he was scolded by the nurses. I felt really bad for asking the nurse. I consoled Pak by saying that when he is better, I will buy him the kuih again. Who knows that was the last time he asked for something and that was the last day he can eat solid food. The rest was only milk going through his nose directly to his stomach.

But the most saddest of all is that I wasn't next to him when he passed away. In fact he was all alone. When I went to see him 2 days before that, he didn't show any sign of nazak. In fact doctor asked me to bring him home. Doctor asked me to buy ventilator so that he can use that when he is brought home. I think he heard everything about that. Doctor told me that the last sensory human lost before dying is hearing. He said Pak can hear what around him even though he didn't respond. I believe he heard about what the doctor discussed with me and I discussed with the nurses how to take care of him when we bring him home. Knowing Pak, he will never want to trouble anyone. I guess at that time, he finally ready to let go and didn't fight to stay alive anymore.

It was on 4th of December 2010 at around 12.40pm when a nurse called me and asked me to come to the hospital as soon as possible coz Pak was nazak. Then 10 minutes after that, when we were getting ready to the hospital, the nurse called again saying he has passed away. I cried and cried coz I wasn't there for him. He always told me while I was growing up that he wanted to die in my arms. But I wasn't there.

He looked so peaceful. His 3 months of suffering finally ended. He was buried near to Mek, the love of his life. He followed her after 6 months she was gone.

Finally in his final day on earth, first time in my life I felt like I am his daughter. Doctor refused to talk to anybody accept me coz I listed myself as his daughter - that what he told everybody, I am his daughter. Even on the way to the cemetery, I lead the way to his burial site.

Pak, I love you so much. I have hurt you many times but you still love me unconditionally. You gave me everything I need but never asked anything in return. May Allah put you amongst the best and with His loved ones.

Ps: Pak, for your birthday this year, I donated all your treasured Arabic books to a Tahfiz school. I hope the knowledge pahala will channel to you. I hope you and Mek will meet in heaven and you have peace there.

Pak and I on the boat on the way to Redang Island. The last holiday we had.

In memory of Ustaz Omar bin Johari: 23rd May 1949 to 4th December 2010

Al-Fatihah

Why I love May #3

2011-05-19T00:19:00.000+08:00

Okay still on 4th May 2011... But it's too precious not to be captured in here for future remembrance.

I arrived at my workplace 5 minutes after 9am. The minute I placed my handphone on my table, it rang. It rang so loud that I was startled by it. Quickly glanced at the caller name and picked it up, I was smiling. It was my best friend. Every year she will call me to wish happy birthday except when I was in US. We talked for a while and we promised to continue again later. No matter how long I didn't talk to her, the moment we have a time to talk, our conversation never end. Thank you so much Mas Ayu. You are the best!

In the afternoon, around 4pm, my colleagues gathered at the energy hub (aka pantry!) for my birthday celebration. One of them baked the cake the night before. They sang birthday song and let me made a wish before cutting the cake. I was so shocked by this kind of celebration coz I just worked there for a month or precisely 34 days (including weekends). I was so touched and overwhelmed.

Then on Mother's Day, instead of me treating my mom, I was being treated coz it was birthday last Wednesday and my mom wished it late. Merajuk! Haha... We have a nice small family dinner at Tarboosh in Empire. Great food but not so good service.

Though this year my birthday is not at Niagara Falls or traveling around foreign land, I was surrounded by my darling, my families and my friends. And that worth more than anything in this world. I'm happy happy person.

Ok, this is the last post about my birthday for this year. I know people are already tired reading it by now. Macam dia sorang ada birthday. Haha!

Why I love May #2

2011-05-14T02:08:00.000+08:00

Circa 4 to 5 May 2011...


Thank you to my wonderful friends for the birthday wishes.... (Click the picture for bigger size)

Why I love May #1

2011-05-04T00:10:00.000+08:00

This is why I love May...

The background match the bouquet kan. Terima kasih landlord untuk dinding purple. Surprisingly the purple wall looks really good as a background based on experiment by me. Maybe in the future we have a purple wall specially just for family pictures. Hehe..

It's not even my birthday yet, but I got a lovely surprise from my husband.when I came home from work this evening. My colleagues said that the Chinese believe that it's good luck to celebrate your birthday early. So I'm early like 5 hours. Hihi.

Anyway, this is not the only surprise from Mr Hubby, he also cooked dinner tonight. Well, he been cooking dinner for us lately if he's on off day. So it's not a big surprise.

I'm so happy tonight. He kept on asking me when I'm going to eat the Ferrero Rocher. Well, it's not my birthday yet, sayang, so you have to wait. Rupanya ada udang sebalik batu. Hehe...

Thank you so much my beloved husband. I love you always and forever.

My favourite month is here

2011-05-01T00:56:00.000+08:00

Yeay! May is here...

Can't wait!

Everybody is a princess on her wedding

2011-04-29T23:56:00.000+08:00

I am watching the royal wedding of Will and Kate's replay as I am typing this. It such a beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride with simple yet gorgeous dress and the prince, well, there's nothing to say about him. I used to have a huge celebrity crush on him. I bought like every magazine that has his pictures and my good friend, Sue, when she went to UK to do her A-Level, she posted me a life-size William's face postcard to me. She wrote in the postcard, 'the moment I saw this postcard, I immediately remembered you'. Awww... so sweet. I still kept it. I'll take the picture of it and post it here when I come back home one of these days. But why William becoming bald nowadays? Aiyahhh.. sudah tidak hensem la macam ni.

Anyway, when I watched a wedding, I always looking forward to this moment: the moment when a bride meet her groom. No matter in what religion, there is a moment when both bride and groom will meet for the first time in that ceremony. That particular face-to-face moment will show if they are really in love or feeling awkward. You know why? It remained me of my wedding.

I remembered during my solemnization, when I was walking to my designated place, at that moment I didn't realized my future husband was watching me. Then without a plan, our eyes met and I only saw his love in his eyes. My heart skip a beat and fell in love all over again. At that moment I realized I made the best decision of my life. Then the whole ceremony was fuzzy to me. Until now, I can recall that moment clearly in my mind and never fail to make me smile.

Oh man, I was on romantic mode one whole day. With all the love songs Fly FM has been playing during my journey to and back from work, lovely dinner with my husband and best of all, all day chatting with him using IM (yup, his company is my company's vendor, so we able to chat with each other.. hehe), nothing can spoil my mood right now. Not even a diarrhea.

Last but not least, congratulations William & Kate, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.


Prince William told his bride Kate, "You look absolutely beautiful". The special moment that I was talking about. Source: Here

Ps: Do you notice a large Malaysian flag in the crowd at the background of the interview segment? Who's that lucky chap?

Event organizer

2011-04-21T22:19:00.001+08:00

Since I came home June last year, I found myself voluntarily being an event organizer. From my mom's and dad's birthday dinner, my girlfriends' gathering to baby shower. I don't know how I landed on this role but by now, wherever we wanted to gather, my girlfriend would asked me to organize.

Honestly, I am not an event organizer material. I'm impatient, not so good in handling difficult people, indecisive and don't know how to say no. So why I become one is still a mystery. Actually the first time I organized a gathering, it was so easy. It was less than a week notice and turned out everybody free on that day and walla! the gathering happened. Then I thought maybe it wasn't so bad. So I took lead on our next outing which was visiting Intan and her baby. It was supposed to be very easy. Fixed a date and time, and off we go. Buuutttt... There was drama. I have to let my friend handled that drama coz I was scared that I might say something stupid and spoilt the friendship. At the end everything turned out well.

So this time I was 'assigned' to organize the baby shower, I was excited. I never attend a baby shower before, let alone organized one. So I thought I would be simple where we going to have lunch or tea and that's it. But a week before that, Intan called and asked me how the progress. Then at that time, I panicked! I have to think about the decoration, games, door gift, themes etc. So I asked Intan if she can help me buying gifts and choose the games. The rest I'll do it. Like the last one, the drama queen emerged again. But this it's more complicated as it involved budget and preparation. At the end, I have to absorb all the cost coz she decided not to come at last minute.

That's the thing about being an organizer, sometimes you have to be the black sheep, telling your friend they can't bring their spouse coz this is all-ladies event. Sometimes you have to deal with people who are not flexible, wanting everybody follow her way when everyone has agreed on a decision. Sometimes you have to absorb the cost coz someone decided not to come last minute. Sometimes you have to do all the thing alone coz nobody volunteer as this is more of volunteer role, I rather have someone volunteer to help rather than I ask them to do it. So far Alhamdulillah, I have friends who always willing to volunteer and help me. But the most important of all, you need to find a date and time where everyone can attend it.

This is different than planning your own party. When you plan your own party, you just set a date and start organize the party. You don't have deal whether the date is free for everyone, whether the location is fine with everyone and so on.

So anyway, deep down inside I really enjoy doing this, that's why I always volunteer. But sometimes I just wish, not an impossible wish, I wish that people will cooperate with me. Especially that particular people. Please don't make my life harder by making last minute decision and say something that make people feel guilty. Everybody has different problems and challenges in life, but it doesn't mean that yours was the worst.

That day I was so angry that I told Intan that I wanted to resign being an organizer. She said I will be an organizer for life in our group and she will propose that on our AGM. We have an AGM? Hahahaaha... Wait, do I have to organize that? Haha..

But at the end, when all the ladies come together, laughing, gossiping and having good time, all the hardship of putting this up just melted away. I just glad that my friends trust me for all my decision and thankful that I have such a wonderful close friends.

On a positive mode

2011-04-12T22:27:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah this is the second week of my new job. Love everything here. The system, the people, the learning opportunity and the location. I always love working in Cyberjaya. In previous job, when our client was in Cyberjaya, I actually really enjoyed it. Unfortunately my ex-team did not coz it's quite far from them.

Why I love Cyberjaya? There's no trafic jam (yet! At least for now) as the building was still not high rise and the place to eat is just around the corner (though the selection is not that many but not bad). Furthermore, the nature of businesses and companies that located here make it kind of matrempit-less. Not forgetting the diversity of workers here and a lot of the companies here have shift work thingie, it doesn't feel so quiet at night. But the best of all, Mr Zainal is working here too! Haha.. So when he has to work at the night shift, we can have early dinner together before I headed home. At one time I have to attend a late conference call, we have a dinner first before he headed home. The bad news is, we don't carpool to work =( coz the our work schedule is different and like he said, even if it's the same, he wouldn't want to carpool with me coz I always late! Bluuueerrggghhh..

Anyway, we also have moved. This explained the lack of updates due to limited internet access. I hope TM will not break their promise and install our internet access on the said date. Seriously I can't handle another month with limited access. What I mean by limited is the unreliable 3G signal at 17th floor. At this moment I wish we are not at this high level but the constant cool breeze make me feel lucky to be in this unit.

The cold shoulder thing has been resolved too. By not doing anything. Haha. After awhile, everybody starts to think rationally again and everything fine back. Well, air dicincang tak kan putus kan?

At this moment all I can said is everything did goes well and a big thank to the Almighty who always be by my side though sometimes I'm can be careless. ALHAMDULILLAH...

Home is where my heart is

2011-03-24T14:16:00.002+08:00

I can see the world outside

I just need to get pass this cold glass

And I'm free

Even though I'm just a bug

I have feelings

I have dreams

I yearn to lead my own life...

even they hate my existence.

The little girl asked...

2011-03-24T01:14:00.002+08:00

A 10-year-old girl: Can I join a trip to Malacca organised by my sekolah agama this coming school holidays? Ustaz and ustazah will join too.

Dad: No, you can't. There will be boys and the teachers won't be able to monitor all of you.

A 10-year old girl: Hmmm... Ok.

A 11-year-old girl: Dad, can I go to the Girls' Scout camping organised by the district Girls' Scout? Only few girls are chosen from my school.

Dad: No, you can't.

A 11-year-old girl: But why? There would be no boys. It's all girls camping activities.

Dad: The teachers would be able to take care all of you. You might not be safe.

A 11-year-old girl: Hmmmmm... Ok.

A 12-year old girl (still trying her luck): Can I join the camping organised by school at the end of the year? It's for all Standard 6 students after finishing UPSR. Almost everybody is going to go.

Dad: No, you can't. Remember what I said about the boys.

A 12-year-old girl: Hmmmmmmmmm... Ok.

Dad: If you really want to go camping, I'll bring you one day.

That girl refused to join any uniform club at secondary school as she knew she won't be able to go anywhere for any activity.

A 16-year-old girl: My club is having an overnight activities at school this weekend. Can I go? I mean, I have to go coz I'm the secretary of that club. We will stay overnight at school and of course teachers will be there.

Dad: No, you can't.

A 16-year-old girl: But dad, my teacher made it compulsory to attend this.

Dad: It's ok. I'll fetch you when the activities are over at night and send you first thing in the morning so you don't miss anything. I'll talk to the teachers.

A 16-year-old girl: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

A 18-year-old: Weeeeeee.... I got a good result for my SPM. I'm going to apply to further my study oversea.

Mom & Dad: *Quietly praying she didn't get it*

A 18-year-old girl: I can't believe I was rejected. All my friends is going away! I work hard for this and yet... T_T

Two years later that girl found out that 'somebody' that knew 'someone' in the committee asked that 'someone' to reject her application. She was furious.

And... At 19-year-old, that girl still hasn't experienced any camping with her dad. One day her dad told her to go any camping she was interested in coz he's quite old to bring her. At that point, that girl felt that she was too old to experience camping for the first time while her friends were seasoned campers.

A 27-year-old (married, have stayed overseas for 1.5 years and traveled alone more that twice): My husband and I will move out and rent a house near our office by end of this month.

Mom & Dad: *2 weeks of silence treatment to them*

That 27-year-old was accused of being ungrateful by others because she wanted to move out to build her own family with her HUSBAND.

Suddenly all the bloodbaths, wars and protests across the world in the name of freedom make sense to her. People will do anything for freedom. And she will.

Pray for Japan

2011-03-17T00:42:00.000+08:00

Now, every time I felt life is hard, I thought about all the photos of the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan and I thank God that Malaysia hasn't been involved in any devastating natural disaster. I remembered all the stories of the brave and resilience Japanese people faced this disaster. How they help each other even though they are not in the best comfort.

Sometimes I wonder what happened if disaster like this happen in Malaysia? Nauzubillah. But are we ready for disaster management? Are we as brave, as discipline, as tolerance as the Japanese? I hope we are. I still have hope for Malaysian. And I am praying this will not happen to Malaysia.

For now, I stop complaining and start being thankful for everything. I'm sure Allah has His own plan for me.

These are satellite photos before and after the earthquake+tsunami in the area that was hit.

North of Sendai

Sendai

Source: NY Times

I pray that the nuclear crisis will not be as bad as Chernobyl and will be fixed soon.

Launching of Discovery Shuttle

2011-03-11T11:27:00.018+08:00

Discovery Shuttle has landed yesterday, 9^th March 2011 at 11.57 am EST (12.57am Malaysia time). That would be the end of her 39^th mission (STS 133) and also the last mission before her retirement. She had racked 240 millions kilometers since she started 27 year ago and spend 365 days total in space.

Why I’m so obsessed with this space shuttle? Because I was there in Cape Canaveral, Florida to watch her 38^th mission launched. Mission Discovery STS-131 was launched on April 5 2010, at 6.21 am EST. It was a dream came true for me. Sorry Disney, NASA can make dreams come true too, you know.

I knew there were launchings and landings event in the Kennedy Space Centre (KSC) but I never thought that one day I’ll be witnessing it. We even missed visiting KSC during our Florida trip due to tight budget though it was one of my places that need to visit in US.

It so happened one of my friends in Duke told us about his experience watching the launching of space shuttle and I was hooked. He suggested why don’t we do a road trip to Orlando and watch the next launch. I immediately said yes and recruited few of my friends to join. Recruiting my friends was easy, the hard part was to convince my hubby. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea of driving 8 hours to a same place again when we just visited that place 3 months ago. I convinced him that my friend will drive and we will just pay for petrol and such. Then I excitedly explained to him why this is important to me: the fact that my childhood ambition to be an astronomer, the fact that I always wanted to have a telescope but it’s too expensive for 14 years old, the fact that I love everything about space (except Star Trek) and I can show him evidences of the number of books on astronomy at my home when we come back. Finally he gave in and I told my friend to buy us 2 tickets.

The ticket of the launching usually sold out within hours of opening. In fact in 2010, the tickets were sold out within 1 hour after it was opened to public because the announcement by Obama that the space shuttle program will be discontinued soon. NASA will have to finish up whatever missions for 2010 and they will no more space shuttle program. Besides Discovery, Atlantis and Endeavour also will be retired soon. So that was another reason why I should watch this. My friend managed to get the tickets as he bought it within few minutes the online counter opened. I was so happy.

The thing about space shuttle is they really really need to emphasize on the safety of their crew. If they think the date that chose wasn’t suitable due to weather or technical problems, they will postpone. Initially the launched was planned on 18^th March 2010 but it was postponed to April 5 2010. When they postponed the date, all my friends decided they didn’t want to go. Man! I was devastated. I have two options: 1) to abandon the trip and burned my tickets or 2) just proceed with the trip with my hubby. After much deliberation (and the fact that my friends went to DC for cherry blossom also interest me at that time), we decided that we should proceed with the trip (cherry will bloom every year anyway!).

On the April 4, we drove to Orlando. Since hotel in Orlando is cheaper than Titusville (the closest town with hotel), we decided to stay there. Also the Halal food is abundant there. From Orlando to Cape Canaveral took around 30- 45 minutes only. We arrived around 6pm and after checking in, we went for dinner. Immediately after dinner, we slept for few hours coz we planned to drive there at 1 am. Crazy I know, coz the launching only at 6.21am EST. But we wanted to get a good spot & parking.

Upon arriving there, I grabbed my sweater and my orange blanket. Zainal refused to bring his sweater and even food. I forced him to bring some Gatorade, biscuits and bottled water. I know it was in Florida, The Sunshine State but this was at 1 am in the morning and the temperature can drop further. Guess who is right? Guess who has to wear my orange blanket at 3am? Huhu…

The ticket we got entitled us to enter Kennedy Space Center the next day too besides that night itself. There is another ticket, more expensive, where you actually can watch the launching nearer than anybody else. There were shuttle buses that brought these ticket bearers to a place that was closest view you can get to see the space shuttle shot up. That tickets were harder to get coz usually the agents would buy it first and sold it at higher price. Unfortunately, I didn’t buy that ticket. My ticket entitled me to watch it at KSC Visitor Center, which is the next best thing.

At the Kennedy Space Center, you can felt the atmosphere of excitement. There was a big screen showing the current situation at the launching pad. I saw the astronauts were putting their space suits and get ready since 3am. My husband remarked when seeing that:

Husband: There’s a reason why you are not an astronaut.

Wife: why?

Husband: Coz after all the staff put you in the space suit and get you ready, suddenly you need to go to toilet.

Wife: Hahahahahah…. You are right.

Oh well, I can never be an astronaut anyway.

We walked around the space center taking photos with the rockets, exhibitions and shopping there while waiting for the launching. The store was so cool! There’s so many stuff I wanted to buy, including the space blanket, but I ended up with a magnet and an envelope. Boring! Then we realized that more people have arrived and we need to reserve a spot for us. I was thinking of reserving a spot on the grass, but morning dew has wet the ground. So we sat at one of the picnic table. We shared that table with a Canadian family who came all the way from Canada.

At rockets garden


With one of the shuttle exhibited there

The crowd

Then the moment has come. 15 minutes before the launch, we could see International Space Station visible like a bright star over the Cape skyline. I thought it was normal practice, but it’s actually a rare occasion. Everybody was ‘oooooohhhhhh’ and ‘aaaaaahhh’ while looking up. I was thinking it was a welcome gesture by the staff in ISS to the Discovery. What a wonderful sight.

Then the countdown began.

"It's time for you to rise to orbit. Good luck and Godspeed," launch director Pete Nickolenko told the astronauts right before liftoff.

"Let's do it!" replied commander Alan Poindexter.

And off they go and the rest is history. Let’s pictures tell my story (after long introduction…hehe) :

The sky in the morning after the launching was unusual but beautiful...

We walked around to exhibitions that we missed (or too tired and sleepy) to go...

See who is wearing the orange blanket.... hehe... Inside one of the space shuttle...


Sleepy & tired & ready to go back

And guess what happened on our way back? 2 hours of not moving traffic congestion to Orlando. ARRRRGGGHHH...

Must be my lucky day

2011-02-27T00:56:00.001+08:00

Finally, after 27 years of living, I won a lucky draw.... =)

At my friend's twin second birthday...

All the kids there must be hating me.

I don't care, I WON SECOND PLACE IN LUCKY DRAW!

Take that little kids!

Muaaahahahahahhaha (evil laugh)

What was funnier, third & second place won by Subang girls! The others might think that my friend do it on purpose, but believe me, we were just that lucky... haha... (Look how happy we were)

Ps: Dear God, please keep away adult like this at my future kids' birthday parties.... ;)

Baja di taman hatiku

2011-02-17T11:05:00.000+08:00

Heard in the office today:

Dalam hatiku ada taman, dan kau adalah baja untuk tamanku - JHK

Sounds so romantic right? Not if you are the 'baja'. Coz 'baja' made from urmmm... Poo?

Hahahaa...

Yeah, we have crazy bunch of people.

Great and simple teambuilding tool

2011-02-15T21:40:00.001+08:00

Every team and company would love a strong team relationship in their team and company. This is because great team bonding can creates great results. But sometimes it's hard to create one without having to spend so much money in sending the teams to courses and paying trainers to build the bridge. However, I discovered a great and simple teambuilding technique. All you need is a room and a round table. Yes, only round table, not square, rectangular pentagon or heart shape table. Force all the team members to use the round table as their work station (ask them to bring all their stuff including laptops) and make them work there for at least 1 month. After few weeks you will realize that the team will bond together and the walls between them is longer there.

I noticed this new idea when my office has to be evacuated as we are renovating it. So we have to move to our subsidary company for time being. We are given a meeting room with round table as our work place. Imagine 6-7 of us using the round table for few weeks. First few days, everybody was not comfortable and complain about the chairs, the smell of the room and even the view. Slowly after that I realized we started to talk a lot while doing our work. We discussed everything under the sky including the origin of drag queen, building our own country, celebrities gossip and even our own personal lives. Without we realized it, we started to have lunch together, buy food and share it and even have our own private joke. I noticed that a colleague that used to have lunch alone started to join us, two colleagues that weren't talking due to conflict (but only talk about works) started to have casual conversation and other teams started to motivate another team. We even have our official drink, which is Toastbox's Teh C (Starbucks & Coffee Bean are forgotten now).

You know what the effect of this changes, productivity has improved. People are no longer going home before 6.30pm and staying late doing work is not longer a burden. Everyone is having a good time while doing work. I no longer feel drag to stay at the office after 6pm when works was crazy. We even reminded each other about solat time.

This is the result of round table. It has no edges or borders to show whose area is it. We share the same space and after a while, we learn how to respect each other and also enjoy the works. So give it a try and see if it is working for your team. But unfortunately this method only work for team below 10. If more than that, it won't be easy to place everyone in a table and a room.

Football again

2011-02-07T00:03:00.000+08:00

I grew up with a dad who loves discussing sports. It doesn't matter if you are a daughter or a son, as long as you have him as a father, you are entitled to join in the discussing and should be able to tell him what was the score of last night's match. So I grew up knowing sports news and started to read about it so that I won't be left out. But my dad attempts to get me into sport was a failure. It started with golf which failed miserably on the first day, then squash which was not so bad but was not enjoyed by many, and then there are few other sports that I halfway joined. Hey, at least I tried right. Huhu.

The first game I installed when I got a computer when I was 14 was Premier League Manager. Why? Coz Zainal played that. Haha. We were classmates and when I asked him what game was good, he said that. Apparently he didn't know much about girl at that age and I was blinded by our *ahem* friendship *ahem* and played that game. That was the most boring game ever. What you do was trying to manage a team and then watched the player played (more like tiny dots moving around) and suddenly the results came out. After few weeks I gave up. Without I knowing it, I actually learned a lot about football.

Then I have a Manchester United fanatic fan as a brother. He patiently taught me what is offside and now I can proudly yell offside without being wrong. *smile proudly*

So when I got married, it wasn't hard at all for me to understand the football needs of my husband which including converting me into supporting and knowing his favourite team. But most importantly to understand that it's ok he wanted to watch the game with his friends tonight even though he is super tired and sleepy. Coz Chelsea is against Liverpool tonight yo! And Torres just moved from Liverpool to Chelsea... like few days ago...

Another football related story: There are 3 teams in my family - Manchester United (little brother), Chelsea (hubby) and Liverpool (dad & big brother). That day, my dad bought a Liverpool jersey and my mom found it ridiculous for my dad to wear it while my dad found it embarrassing to wear it coz Liverpool kept on losing. He gave it to my big brother but he found the size was quite small for him. So dad wanted to give it to my lil bro or hubby which both of them wanted to make it kain pengelap kaki. Then dad took it back and left it in his wardrobe. Guys! -_-

Let's make me a winner

2011-02-01T12:49:00.000+08:00

This is a sticky post...... newer post below...

Dear my valuable readers (not so many but you are valuable to me), please help me winning this competition by voting for my post.

All you need to do is click this link --> Let's Make Munm a Winner!

Then scroll down the list and look out for no 30.

Click 'like' and hurrah! you make me the happiest people in cyberspace.

Quick, do it now coz the closing date is 30 January 2011.....

I know you guys would do it for me coz you are the most amazing people EVER!

Thank you so much! =)

Eh?

2011-01-22T16:45:00.001+08:00

I have tried it before and I can't update here using Blogger. But suddenly can. Why meh?

This is going second testing post with a picture.

Ok, fail to upload picture.... Hmmmmm...

Blogging on the go

2011-01-22T15:25:00.000+08:00

I just realized that Blogger doesn't has an apps like Wordpress. What a bummer. Just I thought that I can blog anywhere now with my favourite toy right now. But Blogger has this mail to blogger thingie. Should give it a try and update blog more.

Ok, this is just testing post, but I don't know why I need to write so much. Haha

19.01.11

2011-01-20T12:59:00.002+08:00

I'm using Penultimate Apps & using Boxwave stylus which is so awesome.

I'm really looking forward for something then......

2011-01-18T12:45:00.000+08:00

When I'm happily waiting for something like a PUBLIC HOLIDAY.

Plan what I want to do that day with my loves one on a PUBLIC HOLIDAY.

Then suddenly last minute, people told me to work on PUBLIC HOLIDAY, without early notice.

I'm super bengang, ok.

Please tell me early so that I won't plan anything.

Tetiba mood semangat di waktu pagi hilang dan rasa sangat bengang.

On strict Datuk Kame training programme

2011-01-11T12:15:00.001+08:00

Throughout my life, I only own 1 laptop, the one that I'm using right now. Back then in undergrad years I was a pro-desktop. Nothing in the world can convince me that laptop is more practical than desktop especially I always traveling between home and college. Actually I used that reasoning to convince that I don't need a laptop and of course, no money to buy one too. Haha.

Then I borrowed my mom laptop for final year project, mainly to write my thesis. I found it more practical and what a life saving device especially when I was alone in my college room watching 'Desperate Housewives' back to back while lying in my bed. But the semester is almost over and I don't think it's convenient anymore to buy it since I'm moving out the college and will live at my house permanently.

My first job was at manufacturing company and I don't need a laptop. I used the desktop the company and I was happy as a bee (bee is happy creature right? I don't know, but it rhymed just nice with happy). Except during six sigma training where I have to borrow my beloved hubby's laptop (with a lot of terms & conditions, how to take care and so on).

So when I decided to continue my study in United States, I realized, I need a laptop. Thanks to my mom scares on the tight ruling of US airports, I decided to buy one in US instead of in Malaysia. So my personal IT specialist aka husband list down what specifications that I need - latest processor, graphic card, wireless port etc. I surveyed TigerDirect, Newegg and few other websites. I finally found my laptop - have all the specifications that I need, within the price range and Lenovo. The reason I chose Lenovo because they are part of IBM and IBM known for making a durable laptop. So I thought since this is my first laptop, I need to have a strong one for me to learn how to take care a laptop. Because honestly I'm not the most delicate person in the world.

After arriving in US, I realized that my laptop of choice has sold out! I was devastated. I need a laptop ASAP and I can't waste my time by searching another model again. Thank God I have a very nice landlord. She took me around Durham finding laptop for me. Until we arrived at Circuit City (which later filed bankruptcy 2 weeks after I bought the laptop and closed down 567 their stores). I saw my dream laptop. Not the same model but a higher range of model and the price was above my range. However, the store offered me the display set with discount and they said the display set was only 1 week old, they will give full warranty and reformat the laptop before giving it to me. So I thought why not, and I bought it.

Zainal came 2 weeks later after my mom went home. The first thing he said was this laptop was heavy. I was still in honeymoon phase with my laptop immediately disagreed with him. I was in denial. Few weeks later I started to think my laptop might be a bit heavy. But few months later when I have to run across Terminal 1 in JFK Airport to Terminal 8 to catch my plane, I realized, my God, this laptop weight a tonnes. I swear I almost fainted by carrying this laptop only. I have come with full realization when I have to carry this laptop when walking to our hotel in Las Vegas and again in San Francisco. God, I wished I left this laptop and not carrying it all over west coast. I didn't care about checking my email and Facebook anymore. I. Just. Want. Not. To. Carry. This. Elephant. Anymore.

The pervert Datuk Kame or Kame Sennin with his turtle shell

Now I'm working where I have to use this laptop as my work station and brought along me whenever I go, I started to devise a mindset. I can't left my laptop anymore and it needs to be with me all the time. So whenever I have to carry this elephant, I imagined myself undergo a training programme with Datuk Kame. Haha. You know the one that he asked Goku to carry a heavy turtle shell around. I imagined that one day I can jump so high , run so fast without this heavy laptop on my back. I might even manage to do 'kame hame haaa' if I practice enough. Huhu. So there you go.

Kame Hame Haaaaa..... I know you have try before, in case there's going to be a fireball coming out, right? Huhu

So before you buy a laptop, make sure that weight is one of the main areas that you look into. If not, let's join Datuk Kame fitness programme.

Marvelous May

2011-01-08T19:21:00.007+08:00

CST Production and Lyndarahim Kuala Lumpur is having a contest. Bloggers and Facebookers just need to describe their dream weddings and the most creative one will be chosen a winner. I actually have been waiting for CST contest coz I missed the last one. I mistakenly misread their closing date. Haih. However, this contest is a bit tricky coz I already have my dream wedding! I would not changed anything about my wedding if I given a chance... umm... ok, maybe 1 or 2 things I might change. But the wonderful people at CST soothed my worry when they said I can describe any other event.

I have this one event that I really want to organize since I got married. It's the combination of our birthday and anniversary. You see, both my husband and I were born in May and our anniversary fall in May too. This year we will turn to *ahem* years old and if you divide the *ahem* number into 2, you'll get the total number of years we have known each other. And.... this year is our 9th anniversary! (Note: it's not our wedding anniversary ya).

If I were to organize this event, how do I do it? These are the summary:

Where? In the park (coz I love nature yo!)
When? May 2011, after sunset (preferably after Maghrib)
Who? 10-15 of our closest friends and their partner (so around 20-30 people)
Theme? Chill, relax and forget about all your resolution (yea, I'm still on New Year mood)
Food? 3 course meal with free flowing dessert and candies (birthday party should have a lot of candies)

Let's get into the details.

First, the venue

I would choose this place if we are in New York. We were there last spring and it was awesome in May!

We were fooling around at Central Park, NY

But, nevertheless, we are in Malaysia now so any park with big, strong and canopy-like trees will do. Preferably in Petaling Jaya & Subang Jaya vicinity coz I know my friends are lazy to drive further than this (ok, I'm the one who are lazy, not them actually... hehe). I will decorate the tree with lots, when I said lots, I really mean abundant of christmas lights hanging from the tree until it will light up the place. The long table that can sit 30 people will be placed in the middle of those trees. When the guests are sitting down, they will feel like they are dining under a huge fireworks. Awesome right.

(this picture is actually the night version of the earlier picture but I think it's in fall/early winter from the lack of leaves on the tree branch. Source)

Disclaimer: that are not worms hanging on the trees. That are the christmas lights

Secondly, the food

Good food is the way to your friend's heart. Because I love my friends so much, I would like to order 3 course meal from Tony Roma's for everybody.....

KIDDING!

Unless everybody agreed to pay for their meal. Haha. I will choose equally delicious restaurant to cater our food. So everybody that RSVP'ed that they are coming will need to choose their food choice before the event. So on that day, everybody will get their own choice of food.

Next, the decorations

Forget flowers as the table centerpiece. The theme is to break our resolution, remember? So I would put desserts, chocolate and candies in the middle of the table using beautiful jar and container. Brownies, cupcakes, M&Ms, Hershey's, Ferrero Rocher and fruit tart are being nicely placed in the middle of the table along side candles to swell the mood. My girlfriends will kill me for ruining their diet but that's what friends are for, right - presenting good things in life ;-)

Original pic source

Source

Each guest will have a personalized cupcake with their name at their respected seat. At each chair, a huge flower pouch that contains more candies will be hanged and this is the goodies bag for each guest.

Original pic source

Next, entertainment

Ahhh... what is a party without entertainment? I would have a live band playing softly (I have no idea how they will do that - maybe just instrumental) in the background during the dinner coz I hate going to some place that are very loud that you need to shout to talk to people. But when the dinner is over, the band will take over and dance floor will be open.

Remember when you are a kid, birthday party make you sugar high and you end up running around endlessly? So I want to bring back that fun memory except we are not going to run endlessly at the end of the night. That's where the dance floor comes in. We need to burn back all the excessive sugar intake by moving our body. Since this party is only open to close friends, I'm sure my friends will be more opened and get their body moving with the music. Most of them are already married, so enjoy yourself! When is the last time you dance with your partner?

Last but not least, video booth!

I would love to have a picture booth, but since CST Production is going to sponsor, let's take it a step above and make a video booth. Every guest need to get into that booth, wear the magic hat (or singing hat) and start to sing or act or both or do whatever you want to do (but no 18SX please!) That would be awesome.

Another details...

Guest can wear whatever they want as long as they wear something and comfortable in it. Ladies, I suggest you to keep your stilettos at home and wear your wedges instead. You don't want to your heels poke through the grass at each of your step. That would be annoying. But for me, I would like a white flowing dress that look casual yet elegant. Nothing too sparkly or fancy.

For the cake, I really want those beautiful fondant cake with fireworks cake candle. Nice right...

Original pic source

But most important, all I want is that everybody is having fun, enjoying themselves while celebrating our important days of the year.

By the way, check out these talented people:

2010 in summary

2011-01-05T11:36:00.005+08:00

I'm not going to act surprise that I haven't been updating this blog for almost 2 months. So many happened in this 2 months and they deserved separate posts (hopefully soon).

But not to break this blog tradition, I will review my 2010. Seriously 2010 is the most emotional year that I have so far in my life. I'm not exaggerating.

Let's recap:

I spend my whole 2010 with my husband. Yup, not a single day without him.
I spend first 6 months of the year in United States and another 6 months in Malaysia. Adil
I got my first paycheck in USD (even though the tax cut almost 30% of my paycheck, at least I got some extra money to travel)
Travel a lot.... from east coast to west coast... using all method of transportation; plane, car, train...
Meet a lot of new wonderful people along the way
Played paintball (I've been waiting to try this for a long time, but never had a chance)
Snowboarding for the first time and immediately fell in love with it. Unfortunately that might be the first and last time I'll be snowboarding. Unless Malaysia opened a place for that
I got a nephew, named Akeem Zarif who was born on 31st July at 3.85kg. Very big and cute baby. Hehe
Graduations! First of course, my graduation (May, happy that I finished on time and can come back home for good), then Zainal (he technically done in 2009 but the convocation only held on August 2010), my older brother (after 5 years of Master, finally he is a specialist. I noticed that almost all the Master receiver for medical, like my brother, didn't look too excited (unlike my friends and I last May). I assumed doctors lost their excitement after they have to endure 4-5 years just to get a Master) and not forgetting, my brother-in-law and my sister-in-law who graduated the same day with my brother (they were in the same faculty anyway). And my younger brother finished his study in December. It seems that everybody in my family finished their study in 2010.
New job. Not going to discuss on this. *mood turning to sour a bit*
Lastly, the most painful events: Deaths, like 6 of them.

Early April: my uncle, Pak Ngah
Late April: my beloved grandmother, Mek
Couldn't remember when: my aunt (not so close to me, still)
Late September: my sister-in-law, Kak Zura
Late November: my next door neighbour, Aunty Merican
Early December: my beloved uncle, Pak

What an eventful year. I hope with the ending of 2010, no more death in our family. Hopefully new addition instead. So I started this new year with a lot of hopes and dreams.

Let me cry tonight

2010-11-09T00:11:00.002+08:00

Bertalu-talu ujian dan dugaan Allah kepadaku tahun ini. Tapi Allah janji Dia tidak membebankan hamba-Nya dengan dugaan yang tidak mampu ditanggungnya. Aku yakin dengan janji Allah cuma kekadang ingin menangis juga walaupun sedang sabar dan tabah dalam menjalani ujian ini.

Ujian yang terlalu banyak ya Allah. Berapa ramai ahli keluargaku telah kembali kepadaMu, melihat penderitaan penyakit kepada kaum keluargaku yang disayangi, dikhianati oleh orang yang dianggap rapat, kepayahanku menerima rezeki dalam bentuk zuriat, pergolakan dan konfliks dengan orang yang tersayang dan bermacam-macam lagi sejak awal tahun lagi.

Namun dengan barakah rumahtanggaku, aku bersyukur denganMu kerana Kau kurniakan suami yang tiada tolok bandingnya menemani aku dalam segala dugaanMu ini. Syukur ya Allah, Kau kurniakan seseorang yang bijak bertutur memujukku, pemurah dengan kasih sayang dan sentiasa bersampingku dalam apa jua keadaan kami.

Aku bersyukur kepadaMu ya Allah kerana walaupun sungguh perit setiap dugaan yang kulalui ini, banyak sungguh nikmat yang tanpa kusedari Kau kurniakan kepadaku. Sungguh Kau adalah Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Mengasihani.

Namun malam ini, di saat terdengar berita yang tidak baik, walaupun belum 100% yakin, tapi jiwaku terus manjadi lemah dan sedih. Aku seolah-olah tidak dapat menerima dugaan kali ini kerana aku sungguh mengharapkan satu sinar di sebalik dugaan yang tertalu-talu ini. Tapi aku yakin Kau Maha Mengetahui apa yang terbaik untukku. Semoga Kau kurniakan yang terbaik untuk ku dan seluruh ahli keluargaku.

Ya Allah, benarkan aku menangis di atas kekecewaan ini ya.

11 years ago

2010-11-07T23:32:00.002+08:00

While waiting for my husband to come home this evening, I dig out a file that kept all my memories in the year 1999-2000. I was 16 that time and full of weird teenage hormone. I found few poems and love stories that I wrote based on my current situation but with more dramatic endings. Haha.

But best of all, I found a series of email that someone send it to me (I printed every one of it). We were separated when he changed school. So only phone calls and emails that kept us in touch. We were not in a relationship but just two friends keeping updates with each other. However I just noticed that from month to month, the tone of his email changed slowly from just a friend to somebody who cares for me.

Who has thought that the same person who religiously sending me emails and patiently answering my phone calls on every school holidays is the one that become my husband.

Who would have thought?

That's qada' and qadar.

Not that I'm complaining =)

1000 days of love

2010-10-16T11:50:00.003+08:00

You know what day is it today? Yup, Friday. Good boy. Now take this ice cream and off you go. Hahaha..

Ok, ok, I'm in very good mood today coz I celebrated the 1000 days of my married life with my dearest husband. You might think, budak ni mesti takde keje, tiap-tiap hari kira hari ke? Unfortunately the first part of that question is true but the second part is not. It is not that I have a countdown timer in my room counting down how many days that I have been a wife. It was happened unexpectedly actually. I was counting days for other thing and then I put my anniversary date and see how many days already. At that moment, it was day 980 (plus minus). So I thought wow, we almost 1000 days. So I just put a reminder in my phone calendar.

So there you go. 1 0 0 0 d a y s . . . .

My finance professor in Duke counted his marriage days. I remember when he introduced himself, he said something like, "I have a wife and we have been married for xxxxx days." Yeah, he has OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). You should see how he put all his money in his wallet. It's according to the serial number okay. But he's really a fun but quirky professor and I enjoyed his lectures even though I still couldn't understand finance whole-heartedly. Haha.

Anyway, celebrating how many days you have been ...... is harder than remembering a certain date. I remember by heart my anniversary date but how many days have been married, that 's more challenging. Because the date can be fall on random date and after a while you stop counting.

So to commemorate this day (which might not be remembered if I didn't accidentally count it), I have made this photo mosaic which consisted of 1000 (+18 more) photos of us from the day we tied the knot until today. Yes, that's 1000 unique photos of us only.

The main picture is Day 1 - our akad nikah

While doing this, I realized:
We have a lot of photos of us alone rather than us together. This couldn't be avoided as we always travel just the two of us. So it's always he took my photo, I took his. Even though we have X-shot Extender and a tripod to help us, sometimes we were lazy to use it. Yup, we travel with 2 kind of tripod (well, one is more like a monopod). Believe it or not, all of that can be put into my handbag. But towards to end, the laziness improved and we have more photos together.

I'm going to print it (in large print obviously) and framed it after I perfect the mosaic. Kind of neat kan...

Ps: Actually I wanted to be a surprise gift for my hubby, but I am very bad at keeping secret and spilled my plan to him. He thought it was a cool idea. I will post the final product when I finish it, print it and frame it.

After 3 years of battle

2010-10-06T11:18:00.005+08:00

If I'm not mistaken, I first meet her in 2004. It was Zainal's UNITEN convocation. At that time, I came as a shy-shy girlfriend celebrating his boyfriend's achievement. I was invited to join their family lunch after that. I was reluctant at first (coz I was shy) but eventually I followed them.

After that I never met her again until few years later. She went to Germany pursuing her Ph.D after that. Then in 2007, Zainal showed me the email that she send informing that she would be back for good after she was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3. At this point of life, you don't care about pencapaian duniawi anymore when your life was at stake. And that was the beginning of her battle.

In 2008 after we got married, we always visited her, at least 2-3 months once. She had mastectomy, chemotherapy and many more treatments. But the cancer cells were very stubborn. After the mastectomy, we thought that the cells were gone, but then we found out it had spread to lung before to the bones.

When I was in US, I saw the worried look of my husband whenever he called home, scared that he wasn't going to be there if anything happened to his only sister. I prayed hard that Kak Zura stays stronger and wait for our arrival first.

But Kak Zura was a strong woman and also a smart lady. Not only academically (bachelors in US, masters is Malaysia and Ph.D in Germany), but also in life. She knew not to depend on man to make her happy and started to save everything for her daughters. If you met her, you will not see her as a patient. She always smiling, never complaining and always want to do everything by herself.

Only Allah know what's best for His creation. This Raya was actually the first Raya I celebrated with her, well, I never know it would be the last Raya. She was weak already at that time but as usual I never noticed it. A week after that we went to visit her again at her house after hearing that she always had difficulty of breathing. We couldn't talk much that time as her friends were there at the same time. My mother in law told me that the doctor had told her that she had only 1 month left. The cancer cells have invaded her liver and the spinal cord. I was in shock. I couldn't imagine how she felt at that moment.

On Thursday afternoon that same week, I received a phone call from Zainal that Kak Zura was admitted to hospital. Same hospital with Pak. He rushed home and together we went there. They gave Kak Zura morphine and other pain reliever to ease her pain. Yes, the doctor said cancer is the worst pain in the world. Because of the pain killer, she was able to sleep. Zainal slept there for 2 nights and I joined him on the second night. Whenever she woke up and usually the drug has toned down, we need to call nurse so that they will give new dose of drug.

On Sunday morning, we left her sleeping and went home. Zainal's brother took care of her in daytime. We would never know that it would be her last day. We came back again around 8.30pm the same day. We saw her husband sleeping in the room (finally he arrived on SUNDAY!). We went to Kak Zura and saw that she was breathing heavily and moaning in her sleep. After updating her husband on her condition and asked him to take his dinner while we waited with Kak Zura, we went to nurse station. We asked the nurse there why she was breathing like that. It wasn't like that this morning. The nurse answered short and simple, that's is how orang nazak breathing. At this moment she asked us to start reciting Yaasin and teach her the syahadah.

After that shocking piece of news, we immediately started reciting Yaasin. Zainal's brother and his wife, Kak Ina arrived after that. Since both of them are medical doctors, they knew what's the situation and started reciting Yaasin. Kak Ina checked Kak Zura medical reports and found out that her blood pressure couldn't be determined anymore and her temperature was subnormal. Kak Zura's husband came back from his dinner looking confused and joined us in reciting Yaasin.

At 10 pm, with her husband and Zainal holding her hand, she breathed her last breathe. It was fast and almost like she was sleeping. Panic, both of them called Kak Ina and she checked her pulse and heart beat. She called nurse who came with defibrillator. Kak Ina requested not to use the defib and the nurse just used it to read her heart beat and confirmed her death. It's only straight line printed on that paper. At that time, the time of death recorded was 10.03pm on 26 September 2010.

The rest they said is history. We did what we supposed to do and she laid in her final resting area in Shah Alam. She left 2 beautiful daughters aged 8 and 5. I hope she was placed amongst the specials and hope she is peaceful in her new place.

Dari Allah kita datang, kepada Allah kita kembali jua. Al-Fatihah kepada Kak Zura....

Kak Zura with her daughters on our wedding day. At the back is Zainal's brother.

Need to live

2010-10-01T00:34:00.002+08:00

Raya kan sebulan...

2010-09-19T12:16:00.002+08:00

Just want to wish...

Jika ada salah dan silap, terkasar bahasa dalam penulisan dan perhubungan, termakan dan terminum, kami ingin menyusun sepuluh jari memohan maaf keampunan dengan penuh keikhlasan...

10 days of downhill

2010-09-14T11:53:00.004+08:00

Today is the 10th day Pak in hospital. And today at 12 pm, I still at home which is unusual for the past 10 days. Supposedly I should be at hospital. But today I just couldn't take the latest nuisance from people who came to visit. Because she is my family. I expect family to understand but instead she making bunyi-bunyi yang menyakitkan hati on days like this.

Pak was admitted to the ward on 4th of September at 11.30pm. He was brought to the emergency room at 2pm the same day. Doctors took 9 hours to find out what's wrong with him but finally they admitted him despite not knowing what the problem. He showed a symptom of stroke which was slurred speech but the brain scan showed nothing. His motor on both side was in excellent condition which further confused the doctors.

Everyday I was at the hospital without fail. Sometimes I stayed for 12 hours and if other family was there I would went home to take a break. But Pak always asked for me and he felt most comfortable with me so I would tried my best to be there for him.

Pak's health deteriorated rapidly within one week. When he first came in, I can understand him and he can walk if the doctor asked him. Then his speech become unrecognizable even for me. Then they did a MRI scan and they found out that it's pontine stroke. Ya Allah! At that time Pak couldn't even talk anymore. He even needed oxygen. But he wasn't comfortable with the oxygen mask and the pulse oxymeter at his finger tip. He wanted to take it off and was restless for at least 3 days. He was at that condition and didn't feel comfortable with whatever that happen around him. Few times nurses have to tied his hands to his bed to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself. That was the saddest thing I ever seen. He would look at me with sadness in his eyes begging me to untie his hand. He couldn't talk and he is at other people's mercy. And all I can do is comfort him with holding his hand. That's all I can do. I felt useless.

Then on 9th September, he has difficulty of breathing. He was breathing heavily with the help of oxygen mask. At that time, his oxygen level was barely reached 90%. His heart rate was at the average of 120 bpm. He looked like he has to fight for his life to breathe. At that time, he can't even raised his hand. He was so weak and he just closed his eyes all the time. When people came and hold his hand, he opened his eyes and if that person meant a lot to him, tears rolled at the corner of his eyes.

Finally on the Eid night, doctor decided to put him on a ventilator. On Eid morning when I came and visited him, he was unconscious and still breathing supported by ventilator. Now on the 5th of Eid, he still unconscious.

Helpless

2010-09-03T18:53:00.003+08:00

Finally this situation has taken a toll on me. I felt that I didn't do everything that it should be yet I felt that I'm exhausted by this whole situation.

I don't know what to do to help him and looking at his situation made me felt so helpless. His speeches has become unrecognizable, his movements have lost it's coordination and he always in pain in different part of the body. I wish I have a magic wand that can cure all his illness.

I felt really bad for not really be by his side at all time helping him with all his need - to the bathroom, fed him and just be there for him. Yet, people think I've done so many things when all I do is taking him to see various specialists since July and just check on him every hour or so. It's just that there is a hole in my heart from the 6 years absence and the feeling is not the same anymore.

I felt bad for not being the best as I should have when he was there all the time when I was small. Yet I felt I have done everything that I could and the best I could to balance between him and my own life.

I felt like there's a huge rock of responsibility that was handed to me by the people around me - the society, friends and family, that I need to carry on. Sometimes I wish the people who calling asking how he is doing would come and see him and be by his side for awhile.

Now I realized how hard it is when the time has come. Seriously I am not ready. My mind was occupied with a lot other goals that I need to achieve at least within this year. But I have to set it aside all of that first because if not who will take care of him and bring him to see the doctors? When I think about this, I started to question my sincerity.

I'm so helpless. Ya Allah, please help him...

Pening

2010-07-24T00:10:00.002+08:00

Hish pening.

I'm not sure if he needs attention or he really needs the treatment. But he sure make everybody come and see.

But the timing couldn't be worse. Pity my hubby as he also involved in this.

Need more patience with this.

Post World Cup 2010

2010-07-13T05:16:00.000+08:00

I can't say that I have a post World Cup Withdrawal Syndrome but I sure missed all the excitement of watching the games. No more highlights to watch and anticipating the next game. Anyhow, I'm glad Spain won the title. I picked them between them and Holland but my heart still goes to Argentina. However, Spain deserved to win coz they played so well. And they have one of the best goalkeeper in the tournament which is Iker Casillas. Casillas is my favourite goalkeeper after Oliver Kahn of Germany (remember him? I'm sorry but I have a thing of this goalkeeper who also a team captain.. hehe).

I am so glad that I am in Malaysia for this World Cup 2010. The atmosphere might not be the same if I was in States. The 'fever' is not catching up at that side of the world. I realized it the moment I stepped out of the plane 2 days before World Cup started. And the excitement watching the games with the people who I usually watch football with which is including my dad and Naqib with new addition, my dearest hubby is priceless. Everybody has their own favourites and you can hear different reaction when a team made stupid move. Haha.

The best part was watching Germany vs England at Redang Island. One side of the resort was having a ball of time dancing and drinking while the other side was concentrating on the game. Haih, I don't even hear what the commentator was talking as the music was so loud. Then there's one Ah Beng who got so emotional when England lost and nobody actually care about him coz all of us support Germany. Hehe.

To tell the truth I think football is the most beautiful sports. In addition, all the decisions was made by the hand of the 3 referees only which adds the drama to the field. Plus, I love the fact that the game is continuous for 90 with only 15 minutes break and without so many timeout like some sports e.g. basketball, American football and baseball.

Well, I hope Argentina improves for the next World Cup. Come on.. I've been supporting you for the past 3 World Cups and yet you still haven't won anything yet.

Oh, I think the video that showed Casillas kissed the reporter aka his girlfriend is so cute. Check this out:

Translation from my friend's Facebook...

"Casillas -..And I just want to thanks to the people who had always supported me, my parents, my brother ... TT_TT
Sara -It's OK , lets talk a bit about the game, and then we come back to the thank... No? :-O
Casillas - No, you are first! *kiss ♥ ^_^ * I'm leaving...!...
Sara- Oh my God! (Literally: my mother..!) well.. we can do this later, right J ?
J- Sara, what kind of man is this captain..! (Literally: So big this captain! so big..!) "

Skip the first 4 paragraphs, and this post is actually useful

2010-07-06T15:23:00.003+08:00

Zainal has started working this week and if you looked at the ticker at the side bar that counting his arrival, he actually has arrived 8 months and 1 week. Actually that is how long we have been spent which each other 24/7 after we have separated on roughly 2.5 months before that.

The only time that we were not together when I went to classes which is roughly 3.5 hours every day. The longest separation we had was when we flew home using different flight but same route which was 20 hours. Yes, only 20 hours of separation in 8 months!

Now, starting yesterday, we will be away with each other 10 hours every day except weekends (at least for this few weeks, then the schedule will be changed).

This is really a useless post but wth, I'm bored and I wanted to update this blog. Haha.

Anyway, if you bored, check out TIME Best Blogs of 2010. These are my favorite:

Cake Wrecks : Simply hilarious! Seriously. It has been 2 days I've been reading this stuff. Clearly US needs to improve their education system. The most misspelled word: Congratulations. Haha.
Shit my Kids Ruined: THE STRONGEST VISUAL BIRTH CONTROL ON THE MARKET TODAY. Agreed! What I learned, never left a marker pen unattended if you have kids.
PostSecret: Have been following this site since 2008. Last year he came to Duke and I couldn't get the ticket! I was so disappointed. But Zainal was more disappointed even he was in Malaysia at that time.
The Oatmeal: Visually funny.

I haven't checked the rest yet as I'm still addicted to Cake Wrecks. Check it out guys!

Authentic

2010-06-30T00:04:00.003+08:00

Wow.. more than 1 month without new post. There are a lot of stuff has been going on within these few weeks. I'm glad is all done and I'm moving on to the next phase of my life. I thought I would write it down here for future reading and memories, but I'm not so sure anymore. To tell the truth, I almost gave up blogging. I have so many things I wanted to share but apparently people misinterpreted me from this blog.

Ntah la, sometimes I can be clueless about human. I was betrayed over and over again sometimes by the same people (if not by different people) yet I still hold on to that relationship. Zainal who is very protective of my emotion has warned me so many times to avoid that kind of people and ignore them but me being me, still feel that there was hope in them. Until they gave me the ultimatum that shocked and stunned me, then only I realized that I should listen to Zainal earlier. Though I'm hurt like hell, but at least it gave me lessons in life.

Maybe I should put a disclaimer in this blog. What I wrote here is the real me. This is where sometimes I share my joy, happiness, anger and sadness. I don't have a separate blog with anonymity or have protected post when I wanted to bash other people or leash out my anger. I tried to have it before but I don't feel right at all. When I'm hurt, angry or dissatisfy, and need to let it go, I write it here. It's not my intention to humiliate other people coz I never give out the names but I'm human. I have feelings and feel the pain. So tipula kalau I didn't get angry at all.

Sometimes people thought some posts are about them when in reality I never thought about them at all when writing this post. But bak kata pepatah Melayu, sape makan cili, terasa la pedasnya. Hah!

So I will put my head high and will keep on being authentic to myself. If you can't accept it, please click 'x' at the top right of your browser. Thank you.

27th and 8th

2010-05-14T12:10:00.003+08:00

Finally, he's turn to turn 27. Now we're even.

I celebrated my birthday at Niagara Falls, NY this year. Woohooo...

We celebrated our 8th year anniversary at Boston and New York City on the 7th May.

He will celebrate his birthday in Durham, NC. Don't worry sayang, I like Durham =). Kita pergi makan di Cheesecake Factory nak?

This post will be expanded into a nice long post in the future (it might be tomorrow, next week or next year.. haha).

Mek

2010-05-03T13:28:00.003+08:00

It has been 11 days since she had gone. I waited so long to write a post about this coz I don't have the strengths to pour it out without crying my heart out. I never thought I will be missing her this much.

She just not my grandma, she's like my second mom. If you knew her, you will call her Mek. Coz no matter who you are, her daughter, friend, grandson or great-granddaughter, you will called her Mek. To me, Mek represents everything she is to me - grandma, mother and friends.

As far as I knew, she has been living with my family since I was small. She would went visiting her other children 2-3 times a year and after 1-2 weeks with them, she would always missed her room in our house. My room is next to hers and we shared bathroom together. I sometimes sneaked to her room to borrow minyak panas, air masak, spoon or knife coz she has everything in her room.

When I was small, I used to follow her everywhere, from Kelantan to Kedah visiting my uncles and aunts. Then when I got older, Mek would followed us on vacations from Perhentian Island, Genting Highland, Cameron to her favourite, Bangkok. She would always be with me every time I to Umrah. Funnily I only went to Umrah once with my parents.

Then I started my schooling years and everyday I was greeted with her home cooked lunch for 11 years. Mek was wonderful cook especially Kelantan food. She made everything from scratch and knew everyone favourite food. She would bought apam or kuih lapis whenever she went to pasar tani coz she knew I love it. She would bring back roti jala whenever she came across it in kenduri coz I crazy about it. She cooked hati goreng when I came to home after I got married coz I can't get enough of her hati goreng.

Mek has a lot of collections. From handbags, towels, brooches to crystal bracelets, she loved them all and carefully displayed them in her room. She was very particular about her stuff and she can detect if anyone came into her room when she was not there. She loves cat too and she would feed stray cat that came to our house. She's the one who taught Choki (my bunny) to eat cream crackers that became his favourite food.

I'm going to miss our gossip session when she would called me into her room and started, "Ni mek nak cerita sesuatu ni. Tapi jangan beritau mak tau." I'm going to miss our Hindustan movie session which on Saturday or whatever there are showing.

When I went home last year, I remembered she was telling me what should I do during confinement, what to eat and so on. Then I told her, "Taknak la tahu, nanti Mek buatkan la untuk adik ye." I never thought that day would never come. It's always in my plan that Mek will be there when I have children on my own. She always be with me throughout my life anyway. She was there when I was admitted to SJMC repeatedly throughout my childhood years.She was there when I first left home to matriculation, she was there when I registered at UM for for degree, she was at Dewan Tunku Canselor when I received my degree and she slept with me on the last night of my singlehood before I became a wife. When I get married, I couldn't come back home every weekend and she would persuaded me to come home, and eat at home. She would said that at least I would save the money by eating at home but I knew she just wanted me to be home. Sadly, I didn't spend much time with her during my summer vacation last year. She has started becoming sick and we rarely talked at that time.

There's so many memories I have with mek. She is not a kind of grandma that I only saw during Raya or kenduri, she's my grandma that I live with and grow up with. I couldn't believe at the last moment of her life, I wasn't there to be next to her. I can only hear her weak voice and that's it. I really wish I can hug her and kiss her goodbye for the last time.

In one month time, when I come home, tell me how do I walk pass her room to my room knowing that she is not going to be there anymore?

Mek, semoga Mek tenang di sana... InsyaAllah adik akan jumpa Mek lagi ye... Al-Fatihah..

Finishing my classes

2010-04-19T13:21:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I'm so lazy lately. Like super lazy ok especially in typing. I have so many ideas what to write here but instead I just procrastinated and finally the ideas gone. I wrote it at my Twitter and hoping with the 140 characters, it will transform to 200 words essay. Haha.. I wish.

Tonight I just realized that in 3 days, I'll be done with my Masters. Yup, jut another 3 days! I got presentations on Tuesday and Wednesday and I'm done with classes. Eh, wait, I need to submit 2 reports after that. Well, at least I'm done with classes.

I can't believe how fast the time flies. Just last week I met an International Office staff who was so nice to me when I first arrived. Yup, I went to her crying out loud saying I missed home so much. She gave me all the list that I can do to distract myself. So when I met her last week on the way to Bryan Center, I told her that I'm going to graduate in May, she was surprised that it's already 1.5 years since I cried at her office. Hahahaah..

To tell the truth, I never thought I would finish this degree. Not because I'm not competent, but I didn't think I can survive here alone. I guess over time I learned to adapt. Yes, it wasn't easy but I managed. I adapted so well until right now I don't feel like going home. I kinda comfortable here I guess. Anyway, I'm going home anyway this June. But for me, anywhere where my love is, that is my home. =)

I'm a proud Dukie

2010-04-06T12:29:00.003+08:00

I never thought I'm going to be so happy. Yes, this happiness is too much to handle. Who wouldn't when their school win the national championship basketball game. Yes, no 1 in the US college basketball.

DUKE UNIVERSITY IS THE CHAMPIONS OF N.C.A.A. BASKETBALL 2010

I'm so proud of my school. We excel in academic and sports. Yes, we are!

Decisions decisions

2010-03-30T12:03:00.003+08:00

There are so many events that I'm interested happening this weekend. There are cherry blossom festival at Washington DC, space shuttle launch at Kennedy Space Center in Orlando and Native Indian American Pow Wow at Duke.

It's really hard to choose which one I should go. I have tickets for the space shuttle launch but last minute my friends didn't want to go as they postponed to Monday. But the 10+ hours of driving is not something I look forward to. Cherry blossom is something that I anticipated since last year and the 4 hour driving is not that bad. And lastly Pow Wow is something I wanted to witness since I missed it last year due to workshop that I have to attend.

So while contemplating which one should we go, DC or Orlando, I played around with Priceline Negotiator and unbelievably I managed to book a room that is very cheap at Orlando. The thing about Priceline Negotiator is once you clicked and there's a room that match with your bid, bam! you got the room and it immediately charged to your credit card. With that, Priceline has made decision for me.

So, another dream will come true eventually! (try not to think about 10 hours driving for now)

Figuratively speaking

2010-03-28T03:26:00.003+08:00

Have you ever driving on full speed completely aware with your environment, with catchy songs in the full blast and enjoying every second of it until someone said 'stop!' at that moment immediately.

At this moment you have 3 options:
a) press stop pedal immediately but face the consequences which is life threatening accident
b) slowly decrease the speed and come to a stop not immediately but safely
c) just ignore that person and maintain the speed

What if I choose (a) and I never recover the spirit?

Choosing (b) is wasting time.

(c) is possible but I'm training myself to become a selfish person.

So what should I do? I don't want to stop yet. I kind of enjoying the ride and in the full spirit to get it done. You shouldn't encouraged me to get this high at the first place. Look what damage you have done. =(

Yes I can do it!

2010-03-23T13:15:00.003+08:00

In facing your troubles you are allowed to feel pain, you are allowed to feel disappointed, you are allowed to feel angry, you are allowed to cry (I choked several times) ..BUT...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE UP!

-Rahman Mansor

Read his story here.

I really need this motivation for job hunting in this economy. I will use all my resources and I believe I be able to find the job. InsyaAllah.

I love secret rewards!

2010-03-22T13:24:00.003+08:00

I thought Victoria's Secret (VS) is selling all the laced kind of lingerie that would not be comfortable to be worn as everyday garment. And also the kind of lingerie that is used in seduction rather than practical everyday wear. But I was wrong. I discovered this last spring when I when shopping alone at Northgate Mall (you discovered a lot of stuff if you go shopping alone). They were having the 7 panties for $25 promotion, so I took a look and discovered my new love for this brand.

Their panties are beautiful and made with comfortable cotton fabric. I love their design and style that I had a hard time choosing only 7 pairs. Furthermore, it's cheap for a brand that have Tyra Banks, Naomi Campbell and Alessandra Ambrosio as their models. If you calculated, it cost only around $3.50 per pair. Then during the checkout I was given a secret reward card. It's a coupon that has minimum value of $10, but it might has $50, $100 or even $500. The catch is that you don't know how much you got until the promotion was on which was in a month later.

I remembered berangan-angan nak beli ape if I got $100. Soon I found out I only got the minimum value which was $10. Cess.. It's ok, sape nak kasi $10 kan. So I bought something there and got discounted $10.

This year, I was waiting eagerly for the 7 for $25 promotion. I totally forgot about the secret reward things. Last weekend I found out there's a promotion that I've been waiting for. This time the panties are from the Love Pink range. Still cute as ever. So during the checkout, the cashier told me about the secret reward and I got a reward card. Now all I have to do is to wait till April to know what's my card value. I hope I'm luckier this time.

Then when I got home I realized that if I give my feedback by calling a number that stated in the receipt, they will give a $10 off for the next purchase that more than $50. Wah, excited and I already did the feedback. Now I have $20 off for my next VS purchase! Ok, time to simpan duit for this. Hehe.

Friday morning tears

2010-03-22T11:59:00.001+08:00

My mom told me that he has been in and out of hospital frequently these past few months. I told Zainal that I hope he's ok coz I don't want to hear any bad news while I'm here. Especially those who close to me and made an impact in my life. But Allah loves him more. On Friday morning at 10 something, he passed away. My uncle, Pak Ngah.

He's my dad's older brother with different mom. However, he was close to my dad's siblings. In fact, he was like a part of the same mother siblings. My dad has 10 brothers and a sister. It's a lot of uncles and aunties for each one of them having an impact on me. But Pak Ngah was different. I went to Umrah with him twice. He's my saksi during my akad nikah. He has an impact in my life.

He such a nice man. Always smile and always jovial. I remember people used to tease him for his smoking addiction but he just smiled and brushed it off.

The last time I saw him was during my cousin wedding last summer. Thank God I made the decision to go home that summer break.

Well, semoga rohnya diletakkan di tempat orang-orang yang beriman. Al-Fatihah to Pak Ngah.

Pak Ngah is standing on the left next to the window. This is some of my dad's brothers. Can you spot which one is my dad? People say I'm daddy's girl so it should be easy.

Ahh...

2010-03-16T06:00:00.002+08:00

Biasa la bila seseorang tu dekat dengan kita, semua salah dia kita nampak kan. Apa yang dia cakap pun tak boleh percaya. Tegur sikit terus senyap menyepi. Siap nak block lagi orang yang dekat.

Tapi dengan orang jauh, semuanya indah. Jumpa pun setahun sekali. Kekadang jumpa pun tak pernah. Tapi puji sampai melangit. Semua dia cakap betul, siap menjadi sumber inspirasi pulak tu.

Biasa la manusia. Yang dekat dicaci, yang jauh dipuja.

Snowboarding in Beech Mountain, NC

2010-03-14T00:08:00.004+08:00

I love going to new places.
I love to experience new things and learning new culture.
I love to get my adrenaline pumping and feel my heartbeat beating faster while enjoying the moment.
That is why I love extreme activity.

I love roller coasters.
I love scuba diving.
Now I love snow boarding.

The exhilarating moment when you go down the slope with wind slapping your face and the thought of not knowing how to stop was so unbelievable. Not forgetting the eerie feeling sitting on the ski lift that lift you high up without any handle bar to stop you from falling down while holding your snow board on your left foot.

But yesterday I let myself down. I knew I can do better than that. I was quite good at the play yard area. That area was for beginner, using just J lift to bring the skiers and boarders to higher slope. Then we decided to go higher slope using the ski lift. Once up there, I kept on falling down and after one third on the course I gave up. I couldn't even stand anymore as I was so tired to control my board sliding down before I stand up. So what I did? I walked down the slope with the board in my hands. Hahaha..

If this place is half hour or 1 hour away, I might go again. Rasa tak puas ok. I felt that I can do better than that. But then, it's 3 hours away and the season is going to be over in 1 week. Next season, I will start early and practice more. And buy a pair of good glove and bibs.

Here are some photos that we took.

Getting all excited and ready for the slopes. Bring it on!

Getting ready to down. Putting my right foot in the snow board. When you are not boarding, you unleash your right foot from the board and walk with it while the left foot still leash on the board. Oh, next time, I'm going to wear bibs for this. Jeans are not suitable for skiing/snow boarding. Habis basah lencun!

My partner that shares common interests (except roller coasters, tapi still kena paksa naik). He was quick to learn all the tricks for this. I tried to use it and failed. Haha.. The season is almost over (in 1 week time) and the snow is getting thinner and less powdery (which is quite painful when you fall down).

Me in action. I won't show you what happened after that. Let have this perfect image of me stay in your mind. Hahaha..

If my mom was here, she would said, nape la nak susahkan diri dan cari penyakit buat benda ni. Hahaha.. Yup, my butt hurts like hell and all my muscle is aching right now.

Blue Ridge Parkway closed

2010-03-11T12:46:00.004+08:00

Currently in Asheville, North Carolina after arriving from Atlanta, Georgia 6 hours ago. The town is surrounding with beautiful mountains. Totally gorgeous. I called this our honeymoon no. 648.

Will be back soon.

3:09 am secret

2010-03-02T16:07:00.006+08:00

I have a secret.

Though when Zainal having a fever or any sickness worried me (who doesn't, anyway), I secretly like it coz I can manja-ing him. I feel like a mommy taking take care of a baby. Hehe.

Psst... don't tell him. He might over manja and takes advantage. Haha.

Picture from: Daily Pets

Healthy body needed!

2010-02-26T09:37:00.006+08:00

A reminder for myself.

Eat a lot of fiber.
When having a constipation, eat stool softener and increase amount of fiber ASAP!
Coz if you wait too long and cause anal fissures at your rectum, then every trip to the toilet feels like a battle.

Eat your vitamin.
At least 2-3 per week.
Not when you already get sick.
Your unhealthy diet won't protect your body against virus.

Exercise at least once a week.

Sila jangan jadi malas ye Mun!

Why so serious?

2010-02-22T14:34:00.003+08:00

Last week while collecting my stuff from the meeting room, I saw a Duke published magazine. I decided to have a peek as the cover boasted few interesting topics. As I flipped through the magazine until I arrived at the last page, I caught one sentence that struck me: People who took themselves too seriously. I moved my eyes to the previous sentence and it read: What is it that you most dislike? Apparently it's an interview with John Barness, a visiting Duke professor.

I immediately took that magazine with me and read the whole interview. At that moment, I knew I like this guy. We have a common ground even though we never knew each other. I, like him, hate people who took themselves so serious and the worst kind of this people is that they couldn't laugh at themselves.

I knew few people who happened to be in this category. Oh, what a pain in the ass. Being around them is so stressful. Is like they have to be the most perfect person in the world and anything goes wrong even though it's something insignificant can cause drama. Furthermore, I have to be careful in whatever I say or do. Even if it's a joke, they took it seriously and assumed I was making fun of them.

Growing up with a family who jokes a lot about each other and married a person who is not afraid to criticize me has made me become cool about people saying whatever they wanted to say to me as long as it's not over the top la. Agak-agak la kan. Kalau dah super melampau tu semua orang pun marah.

Without I realized, my friends have this same attitude as mine. You know, tak kisah dengar kutukan depan-depan kind of species. This friends that are honest in friendship and those who I stay close until now. Even at workplace before this, thank God, most of my colleagues were that kind of species. Those who couldn't handle it, I found myself drifting away from them.

The kind of people who can't laugh at themselves, find that they surrounded by friends who always praise them and say all those sugary and flowery stuff all the time. This is concluded by my observation in social networking called Facebook and Friendster. Haha.. No, seriously. I matched their personality and the comments they got and boom, that's the conclusion.

Well, life is short. Why take everything too serious? I mean if we want to take every single thing too serious, best ke hidup? There are some stuff that need to take seriously and there some that can be chilled. Trust me, if we can laugh at ourselves, people will become less judgmental to us. If we took ourselves too serious, people will scrutinize every little thing we do. Because I know I do that.

I give you this situation:
You are walking with your friend in a crowded hallway. You don't realize that there's a fire extinguisher right in front of you and you knock yourself at that thing. Everybody stop walking and looks at you. What do you do?
(A) You look embarrassed, angry at the other people that stare at you, swear furiously quietly and walk away.
(B) Look shock and burst into laughter.

If you choose (B), welcome to my club. If you choose (A), obviously everything must be perfect in everywhere you go don't you?

Actually that situation happened to me before (please don't ask me where the hell was I looking when walking) and I chose (B) as my reaction. As a result, everybody around laugh with me and that whole situation become a funny incident instead of an embarrassing moment in my life.

So please learned to laugh at yourself. You don't know how good it feels like. You become less angry and people might actually like you as a friend.

Amarah

2010-02-07T12:36:00.004+08:00

Jiwa rasa tak tenang. I felt angry, unsatisfied, sad, semua la ada.

Firstly, bengang dengan satu manusia ini yang selalu anggap dia paling pandai dan sibuk nak ajar-ajar orang pulak. Pastu nak paksa orang ikut cakap dia je. WTH? Since last semester he kept on bugging with whatever I'm doing. What's your problem man???? I drove to one direction, he said I should go to another. I put this 2 people in one group, he asked why and said his option is better. WHYYYYYY?? I can't believe I chose to work with him. My bad.

Secondly, I don't know why I'm so hang up on certain things. Like biar la dia. Why I must feel bad on everything she did. Biarkan biarkan biarkan. Tak payah nak sibuk-sibuk okess..

Thirdly, I still rasa sedih pasal some people taknak pergi Orlando lagi. I still rasa terkilan tak pergi Kennedy Space Center. That was my number 1 place that I wanted to go when I came here. Nobody now how much I wanted to be an astronomer. Since form 1 ok. Then after I realized I won't be an astronomer, I don't have a backup plan for my future. Ok, maybe my mom know as I wanted the telescope badly on my 15 (can't remember the exact age) birthday. But it was expensive and I didn't get it. I tried to go to all space exhibition that held in Malaysia. So now I'm here in US, I really really wanted to go to a Space Center. Menyesal tak pergi hari tu. Ingat boleh datang lagi.. T______________________________T

Fourth, 80% chances that my parents will not be coming to my graduation. Yup, changed of plan.

Fifth, I felt like sleeping off my anger right now and cry in my sleep. Boleh?

Same exciting old places with additional new people

2010-02-02T11:51:00.005+08:00

I send graduation invitation letter to 3 most important people in my life - my husband, my mother & my father last Friday. Yesterday my mom called and confirmed InsyaAllah she and my dad will come. Maybe my younger brother too.

That means we need to plan the travel schedule soon. How excited. InsyaAllah I'll be able to visit New York City again! Can't wait to go to the top of Statue Liberty, Central Park without the snow, the M&M's store and the biggest department store in the world, Macy's.

Maybe we might go Washington DC too. Second time for me. InsyaAllah. I want to have a White House tour, go inside US Capitol (after reading Dan Brown's Lost Symbol, I need to find all the rooms mentioned in the book), go inside the US Memorial and visit the museums.

I need to convince my hubby and mom that Naqib would like to go to Universal Studio in Orlando. My hubby and I skipped that place in our Florida trip last December. Boy, now I am glad we did because they are going to open The Wizarding World of Harry Potter this spring. I want to go! They have the Hogwarts Castle and all the places mentioned in the books and movies. How cool is that!

The near completion of the extended Universal Studio park. Pics from: Telegraph

Because of this new plan, now our plan for spring break needs to be modified. Still couldn't afford to go to east coast, so the plan maybe still be around west coast. We'll see what we can come out with soon.

2 years and counting

2010-01-25T12:41:00.003+08:00

Last Tuesday our legal union turned 2 years. I can't believe how fast the time has moved. I still remember last year for our 1st anniversary we went to Raleigh and met Malaysians there. This year the day itself was one of the busiest day of my week. I was out of the house at 9am and only back home at 5pm. And guess what I found on the dining table when I was back in the evening? This lovely red roses in the clear glass vase.

Oh my God, I was surprised! The flowers was shipped via Fedex from California. This was his plan in case I was at home. Literally it's hard to buy each other present secretly when you go everywhere together. Honestly, I didn't get anything for my husband. I'm such a bad wife. I forgot that I still can buy stuff online (like I always do) without having to spoil the surprise. Really disappointed with myself.

I decided we should dine out to celebrate. We went to Red Lobster as they have promotion and it's a seafood restaurant. Might as well go to straight to seafood restaurant as that's the only thing we can eat. Other restaurant might be nicer and has more romantic ambiance but when you can only choose 2 dishes from the hundreds of dishes in the menu, it's not appealing anymore. Red Lobster was good actually. We really enjoyed our meals. The service was good too, they very attentive and made our dinner enjoyable. Though I suspected Red Lobster is the place to go if you are celebrating someone's birthday as throughout our dinner, there were 3 birthday songs were sang by the waitresses.

The roses and hubby

Feeling guilty of not buying anything for my hubby, I suggested that the ski trip that we are going to take will be my treat. That's my present for him for our anniversary. That's lead to another guilt. I have to postpone the ski plan again for the second time as I decided to change course. Don't worry honey, we will ski for sure.

To tell the truth, when you are married and still hasn't got any kid, all the trip you took feel like celebration or honeymoon. The Florida trip that we had in December was supposed to be our 2nd anniversary trip. So when the exact date came, I felt like I already celebrated it. Last year we when to New York. I wonder where are we going next year? I hope by next year on our anniversary, we have our tiny clone with us or at least on the way in my uterus. Finally, my motherly instinct kicks in.

Playing badminton with a pair of boots

2010-01-18T06:21:00.003+08:00

After hibernating in my apartment for few weeks due to arctic wind that came for a vacation in US, finally the temperature has risen again. Maybe En Arctic Wind decided to go home and let the sunshine warmth be our friend now. It feel so good to be able to not wearing my bomber jacket and wear my Nike shoes back again.

That day I had a conversation with my mom and she still has this hope that I would do PhD in US after my Master's. Sabar ye mak, satu-satu. Last night kena ceramah lagi on the procedure of PhD in US for the hundredth of time. Ok, InsyaAllah one day. Anyway, in the conversation she said that maybe after this can go to university in the Northeast or Mid West. I was like noooo.. it's freezing cold there! Then she laughed at me saying, Ha! Dulu sibuk sangat nak pergi tempat ada snow la konon, nak pakai baju tebal-tebal, sekarang baru tahu.... hihi.

So yesterday, finally we were able to use our badminton racket that was bought during the coldest day of winter. It was fun to play in front of our house again. I used to play badminton with my dad and my brother when I was small. Then I married with someone who played badminton a lot and actually very good at it. However, since we lived in apartment at level 13, we never played any badminton except at Cyberjaya's court.

I bet my neighbours never saw people play badminton at the parking lot. Hehe... It was so much fun but at the same time tiring as I was against a good player. He didn't sweat at all and I was running and jumping all over the place. And laughing while playing is not advisable at all!

The sad thing is it's going to be raining for the whole week. Baru nak semangat...

Looking back

2010-01-16T12:15:00.003+08:00

It's Friday night and I have 2 invitations to party. But I decided that blog surfing is way more interesting (OMG, I'm so old!) and Zainal was diligently studying his security books. After bored to death surfing Amazon (after deciding online shopping is waay more interesting than reading about people who I didn't know), I started to harass my housemate to stop study. I think he's the one who should be taking this Master instead of me. Hehe. After being ignored few times and decided that I rather not knowing things that I can't afford, I decided to read my earlier posts. I wanted to see how I have grown all these years.

I started the blog in 2005. I should have started it earlier, capturing every moment of LASIK pains. But I didn't and I missed the story of the worst medical experience I ever had. Well, in 2005 I was 22 years old. I was the confused, funny and sometimes angry final year undergraduate student. When I read it, my life seemed in such a mess that it made a good blogging material. Hehe.

Funnily I think I prefer my previous writing than now. Now I'm just a boring 26 year woman who still confused, not funny anymore and always angry last semester Master's student. Where have all my sense of humour and my selamba (as in I-don't-care-what-people-think-of-me-unless-I'm-happy attitude) attitude gone? Apparently working life has changed me a little bit (more like a lot).

What I'm proud is that I still managed to continue this blog, even though I don't update it as much as before, I still keep the same URL, still using the same blogging site provider and most importantly still true to myself. I don't have to be hypocrite in my blog just because to make sure that people think I'm a nice person (come on!).

To tell the truth, it wasn't easy to be yourself without hurting people even though you are doing it unintentionally. There are few posts that caused trouble to myself but I managed to go through it. When I read it again, I realized this kind of things that happened in my life that tought me and that make me smile. It seems funny now compare to 4 years ago.

So, my new year resolution (I keep making new year resolutions konon-konon masih new year la kan.. haha): To keep on writing, not just the serious and boring stuff, but all the stuff that made me, me.

Today I promised myself

2010-01-06T14:17:00.005+08:00

I wish I had his strength and willpower not being a hypocrite. To accept when to delete a person from his life and when to accept which people worth retained. I couldn't do that. I'm a soft-hearted person who always think that maybe that they have 'reasons' why they did that to me (I learned that people always have 'reasons'). Even though they hurt me many times. Even though I despised that person, but on the outer layer I would put a smile, act like they are my good friends and brave the hurtful feeling inside.

So this new year, I've made a pact with myself. No more self-degrading. I will not let people play with my emotions, take advantage of me and use me. I will disregard those who fall in that category. Enough of this bullshit.

I'm done being at mercy of others because I thought I need them to make me happy. I hate feeling that they do me a favor by letting me being part of their 'gang'. Clearly, I wasn't voluntarily being accepted among them. I felt like as if they were forced to accept my presence just because we share our homeland.

Allah is the Most Beneficial. At the first day on this new year, He showed me the true face of my friends. I knew where I stand know and I intend to keep this stand intact. No more trying hard to be friend with them when clearly they don't even care about me.

So as today, I told myself, I will not let people control my happiness. I am my destiny.

The road ahead might be long and uncertain, but with my family and trusted friends, I know I'll be fine, InsyaAllah.

Here's to 2010

2010-01-03T07:48:00.003+08:00

I'll have to make way to new year post before continue posting about my trip to Florida. It's this blog tradition on reminiscing the year before to welcome the new year. Hehe. I only realized that this year when I started to read back what I wrote on new year eves or new year days. Hmmm..

What happened in 2009? If I can give a theme for 2009, I would called it 'the learning year'. It's not only I started my graduate study but I've learned a lot from living alone in foreign land. Anyway, these were events that made impact on my 2009:

Celebrated the new year 2009 by sleeping all the way coz of jet lag with my mom.
Started my graduate study in Duke University.
Made a lot of new friends and reconnect old friends here in States and Malaysia.
Away from my husband for 184 days. I only spend 50% of the year with him.
Finally certified as Advanced PADI SCUBA diver.
Experience my first snow in Durham and finally experience all seasons.
Watched Duke Football and Basketball, and now I'm a true Blue Devil fan.
Visited many places this year - New York, Detroit, Chicago, Charleston, Washington DC, Miami, Orlando and Key West.
Visited 2nd Disney Land. 3 more parks to go?

In 2010, I hope to achieve more success especially in career and personal growth. Hope we can expand our lovely little family in 2010 too. Not forgetting to travel a lot, learn and experience new things and enjoy life more.

Happy New Year 2010 everybody!

Journey to the South

2009-12-29T13:33:00.003+08:00

Winter break. Two magical words that I had been waiting since the second week of fall semester. This semester was one crazy semester. Seriously. It was nothing extraordinary compared to last semester but the workload was tripled. Meetings on weekends and coming home at midnight at least twice a week was a norm. I thought the hectic life ended when the exam ended, but boy, how wrong I could be.

The last paper ended on Wednesday, December the 2nd, but I have 2 personal papers that need to be submitted before 7 December. The worst part was, I already booked my vacation on 6th December. Between 2 and 5 December, I have to finish 2 papers, packed for the vacation and cooked for my friends pot luck party. Lucky for me, Zainal was in-charged in planning the vacation (after uncountable nagging from me).

We planned to start driving at 7am on the 6th. At 4am that day, I decided I couldn't finished my report before we departed from Durham. This report would be continued during the journey. So I slept and got myself a good 2 hours of sleep.

Yeay! Crossed Florida border. That's means it's not far away.. Haha..

Due to the lack of sleep, I ended up sleeping half of the journey to Orlando. Pity my driver but I couldn't help it. Hehe. We checked into our hotel at 6pm and after quick rest we headed out for dinner and some shopping at outlets. I need to find a new travel handbag*.

The restaurant, Slim Orlando's Phillysteak and Gyro was not bad, with lot of choices t reasonable price. I like that restaurant as it was near to our hotel and Disney World.

After that we went to the Premium Outlet as I wanted to go to LeSportSac for my new travel handbag. The store has a lot of designs but the sales girl was so unfriendly and arrogant. If not because I really wanted that bag, I will ditch that store and go other store.s She arrogantly told me that this was the final sales and couldn't be returned. I was like WTH? It's not even a clearance item.

We walked around for awhile before headed back to our hotel. Zainal continued reading about the plans for tomorrow and I continued finishing my report. At 12 am, I submitted my report and that was the end of fall semester and the beginning my long await vacation.

*travel handbag = light, not so big when there's not so many thing inside yet big enough to put all the necessary stuff when needed including purse, camera and a small bottle of water without looking bulky, with zipper, water-resistant and most importantly, still stylish enough to go anywhere. With this description, I fell in love with LeSportSac Greta. I used to have one before, a small Elle backpack, it went anywhere with me, from Europe to Middle East. In fact it's still in good condition but my style has matured a little and I think I need a new one. Haha.

One of those days

2009-12-27T00:18:00.003+08:00

I woke up today feeling confused, disoriented and empty about my future. I don't know what I want, what I like and what would I do. Everything seems so vague.

I was so sure yesterday.

So I'm going to climb back the bed and cuddle in his arm. At least my trouble will go away, for now.

Thanksgiving and Black Friday

2009-11-28T05:16:00.004+08:00

I haven't updated this blog for ages and the last post wasn't a real post. Anyway, just want to share my first Thanksgiving and Black Friday experience.

My friend Yusy suggested that we should have a potluck on Thanksgiving day. So the 9 of us representing ourselves from Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia and Korea got together at her house ate like crazy. Yusy cooked soto betawi that tasted so good, she purposely bought halal beef so that me and Zainal can eat too. How thoughtful. I brought rotisserie chicken that I bought from Al Madina. I didn't have time to cook so I just bought something. Hehe. Then that night William baked S'mores which we ate with Ben & Jerry's. Delicious!

After the dinner, two of the our friends left early as they were so concerned about exams, we started to strategise our Black Friday target. Then this Korean guy who definitely knew more outlets and brands that I do started to give crazy idea that we should go to Delaware for tax free sales. Yusy got so excited that I almost believe that they would drove there for 5 hours just for that sales. Hehe.

We went home and tried to sleep early so that we can wake up at 4 am. We woke up at 4.30am, drove to Walmart and found out it's already opened. The line at Best Buy which was opposite Walmart still long. Found Yusy and she told me that William and her boyfriend already in the store and she couldn't got in. Pity her. I brainwashed her to get herself Corelle and she bought 2 set of it. Hehe.

Walmart was crazy full of people. Since I already knew what I wanted, we proceed directly to all the items that we need. We got ourselves winter boots, which going to be perfect for skiing trip next January for only $7.

After that we went to the REI shop to be the first 200 people to get free gift card ($5, $50 or $100). We saw few people in front the store at 6.30 am and the store opened at 8 pm. We decided that we still have time to go elsewhere and find ourselves jamming Rock Band at Best Buy instead. All the blockbuster items at Best Buy was sold out and I don't find any deals that really really cheap. So we just walked around and decided that we should start lining up at REI.

There weren't a lot of people at REI so we started to line up 30 minutes before that. In all the days, this was the coldest fall morning. At last the door opened and when I looked inside the bag, I only got $5. So do Zainal and the rest of the crowd. Cisssssss. Warmed ourselves up and left the shop dissapointed.

Next stop was Southpoints. Initially we went there to get our breakfast and ended up walking around. At Macy's we found $9.99 extra large electric grill. After I cooked teriyaki roast chicken yesterday, Zainal said we should buy this. And we did. Anddd..... Zainal found a Tommy Hilfiger leather jacket for only $99, discounted from $450. There's only 2 piece left, S and XXL. He tried the S size and it was perfect! I said that he should buy this, as it was so cheap and he did. OMG, that's the best deal for today and I'm so happy coz I know he's been eyeing a leather jacket before this. This was Tommy and genuine leather at an affordable price. No wonder the whole rail was empty. Hehe.

Then, we were too tired to walk around and I felt everything didn't look good anymore. We decided to go home and sleep.

Now, wide awake, I was thinking of hitting Old Navy next. Haha.

But did you know that today is also Hari Raya Haji? I felt bad not feeling like a Raya day at all. =(

It's easier to shop now!

2009-11-06T03:32:00.003+08:00

Do you want to buy anything from Amazon.com or ebay.com and discovered they didn't ship to Malaysia?

Well, fret not. Zainal is helping you out by ordering for you to our house in US and then send it all in one bulk to Malaysia with minimal handling fees.

All you have to do is follow this steps:

1.) Give me the link of the item that you wanted.

2.) I'll quote on the price of the item including shipping cost.

3.) Confirm the order and make full payment.

4.) I'll start ordering from Amazon or Ebay.

5.) Receive item from Amazon or Ebay.

6.) Gather all item until the final order date.

7.) Start shipping the items.

8.) Distribute the items.

Orders are now OPEN

Will be closing on 15/11/09

FAQ

1.) Orders can be done by sending email to me smallz1907@gmail.com

2.) The estimate time for the shipment is around 14 business days. 9 days for shipment of the item to my US address (to save shipping cost) and 5 days shipping to Malaysia. I will be using Fedex as my primary shipping method to Malaysia.

3.) The cost is calculated by adding the item cost, the shipping cost(international and domestic charges) and handling charges multiply by the currency rate.

4.) The currency rate will be based on Maybank exchange rate and will be quoted based on the day of trading.

5.) For item in Ebay, only select the "buy now" item as i won't bid for you.

6.) When the item arrive in Malaysia, you can COD the item at Subang Jaya only. Please confirm if you want to COD or mail to you the item before i quote the price for you.

T & C

1.) Illegal items will not be entertained.

2.) All item sold are not refundable.

3.) Once payment had been made, orders are final.

4.) If the item is being taxed by the customs, the charges will be divided among us.

5.) Any doubts or questions, please don't hesitate to PM or email me at smallz1907@gmail.com

Btw, if you want to order something from Victoria's Secret or Corelle (it's really cheap here) you can also send you link to him. And those of you who wanted to send anything to Malaysia from here, you can ask send too. Send us email to know how you can save on shipping.

We are only human, but too many errs are way too much to handle, isn't it?

2009-10-29T11:48:00.004+08:00

Human sometimes really can test your patience. That's why we are called human at the first place, don't we? These are few things that really pissed me off about human that I've been contacted with:

Who thinks that coming to US for my masters degree is like going to vacation. They would said, "How wonderful you got to travel. Oh, I need vacation too." First of all, it's not a vacation. How do you feel to be living alone (these past 1.5 days I'm not alone anymore) with no family and friends yet need to struggle everything from minimal allowance, unpredictable weather to scarce Halal food. Not to mention the stress and pressure of grad school? Though I looked happy posting pictures in FB travelling around the US, that's like 5% of the days that was captured and the other 95% wasn't all sunshine and rainbow. (Got the feeling Disney holiday need to be scraped as budget is not permitting again. Oh well.)
Someone who complained that they never had enough everything yet they did stuff that surely not for someone who didn't have enough >insert whatever they complain<. For example they said that the money that they get is not enough, yet they went shopping spree like there is no tomorrow. Rasa nak tikam je orang macam ni. Menyampah ok. I don't mind if they rich and have the money to spend, but to complain about not having enough but actually have the money to spend is like what my mom always said "tak syukur nikmat".
Someone who like to exaggerate every problem that they had. Like wow, their problems were worse than every country in the world problem's combined. And when they survived that problem, they told their success story like they won a Nobel prize without any help of others. Shithead.
Someone who told the world like they are the best in everything no matter what area or they have the best thing in the world like nobody has what they have. Like when someone they know good in photography, they would be better than that guy and when other people said that he is good in landscaping, suddenly they acclaimed that they are good in landscaping too. WTH?
Someone that used the third people (which is someone who is related to the person that they are complaining about) to complain about the other person. For example they have problem with their friends but complained to their mom (!) about that person when they can just talk to their friends. It's their friends btw, why involved parents? That the worst thing I ever encountered at the age of 26. This is not pre-school or primary school ok. So when you have problem with your spouse, you'll complain to your mother-in-law also instead of discuss between both of you? Hah!

Ok, I'm in fussy mood right now. Thus this rage leashing post was written. So sometimes I rather be quiet and considered no idea rather than being annoying people that people hate. Thank you.

Ps: Ya Allah, semoga Kau jauhiku dari sikap begini jugak.

Human Bias

2009-10-27T13:20:00.003+08:00

Two situations that I have encountered not so recently.

Situation 1

Person X: I couldn't imagine not being close to your own mother. I talked to my mom everyday and we are very close. I pitied her for not being close to her mother. *

Situation 2

Person Y: I couldn't imagine that you have to talk to your mother everyday. It must be suffocated to tell everything to your mom everything. She must felt like she's been controlled.*

Situation 3

Me (thinking): Funny how we evaluated people based on our own bias. We think people are reacting the same way as we feel without we step into their shoes to understand their position. What worse is when we have this bias and we act on trying to 'free' the supposedly 'suppressed' people. For example when the Westerners cried the movement to free the Muslim women who has to cover their body. They said that it's against human right and they should be allowed to flaunt their body which they are restricted from.

First of all, do they think that this Muslim women feel that they are being suppressed as they have to cover all their body? From my opinion, I don't feel like I'm being forced to wear what I'm wearing. I even feel freer than my peers who have to wear sexy clothes just to feel sexy. I felt like they are the victims here as they have to follow the latest fashion, suffer in those tight, short and uncomfortable clothes. You think it's pleasant to wear a tube in the cold fall weather? Now you answer me.

So the conclusion is each life experience gives different impact on different people. Knowing that, we shouldn't made judgment based on our own experiences only. Think deep.

*Not the exact words but the have the same meanings as original. Person X was talking about Person Y and Person Y was talking about Person X.

** For me, I rather have my mom calls me often. Last semester my mom called me everyday but this semester she cut it to once a week since she felt that I'm doing better now. But I love to have her calling me 2-3 times a week.

*** Writing this me made me missed my mom psychology lectures that she loved to give me. Haha. I should take minor in psychology. It's interesting.

Confused

2009-10-21T14:00:00.002+08:00

Sometimes some feelings are best left as secrets.

But too many feeling kept inside is not good too.

So what should one do?

Raya 2009

2009-10-20T13:02:00.003+08:00

Oh, I was 1 hour late for my 30th Syawal entry. Well, like anybody care kan. I can actually change the posted date but I'm following Duke Honor Code and will not do that. Hehe.

Anyway, I couldn't believe how fast the months go by. One day you were fasting in Ramadhan and now Raya was over.

Well, Raya was not as bad as I thought it would be. Bad by what I meant was like I would cried furiously when talking to my mom or Zainal but I found out that I shred only few tears this year. *Grinned proudly*. Maybe I was expected how it's going to be, so when things happened as what you expected, you more or less knew what to react.

Even though I promised myself not to listen to any Raya songs, but the night before the Raya, during the cooking session in Ainul's house, we opened YouTube and indulged ourselves in happy Raya songs only. At one time, when all the happy songs were done, we switched over to Sinar FM. Haha. That night I tried to call my mom for so many times but no avail which pissed me off that at that moment I feel kind of left out from the family.

The morning of Raya, I didn't go to the Raya prayer as everyone wasbusy with assignments and I thought I should do my assignments too as I have meeting at 2pm (yup, on Raya day). However, surprisingly, when I woke up that morning, the sadness of not Raya at home was actually felt tremendously. I felt so alone and started to shred few tears. I texted Zainal and as usual he replied by asking me to be strong. Immediately I went to take my shower and the sadness feeling gone. Now it was replaced with the panic feeling that I haven't prepared anything for my meeting.

So Malaysians at Raleigh had some potluck that evening and I joined them after my Skype meeting. The 2 hours at the potluck that made me felt like I actually celebrating Raya. Laughter, food and fimiliar faces is what Raya is all about.

Then Raya was forgotten all the way until 3rd October when MSD did a open house at Malaysian Embassy. It was alright. I met a lot of new people and the food was okay I guess. Nothing to shout about. That was the second moment in Syawal that I felt like Raya.

Well, that was how the Raya felt and celebrated this year. No bunga api, not ketupat made from daun kelapa, no mak & abah, no hubby, no brothers, no nieces, no uncles & aunties & cousins & grandmas, only friends and myself.

It's ok, at least I've experienced something new.

Ps: Would love to write more and post some pictures, but project management is calling me, like always.

Crap not crab

2009-10-12T12:56:00.002+08:00

When I said this is a crazy semester, I really meant it. I have been camping out until 12am at the MEM computer cluster for 2 days straight now. And 4 days for this week (we took a break on Friday night, if not it would be 5 days straight).

I have presentation tomorrow and Wednesday. I love my groups but this is our last week together for both groups. I hope I get as good as these or better. I hope. Coz group members can make or break you.

I know my postings lately didn't make any sense to anybody except myself. I promised to write about my first raya away family on the 30th Syawal (I hope I don't forget).

When can I find some time to send my job applications ni?

Letih... but the reward after coming home at midnight is having to skype with him even though what I said didn't make any sense to any of us any more due to my brain jammed. I hope time flies faster for him but slower for my finance take home test submission.

I better stop right now because I'm crapping.

Crazy shit

2009-10-09T08:26:00.003+08:00

The right bar counting down to the 27th October. I didn't even notice that coz in my head and my heart, I have my personal countdown counter ticking every second.

All my heart wasn't here anymore. Not in class, not at home, not in anywhere that I've been and not in anywhere I would be. It's focused on 27th October at RDU at 6.30pm. Every night before I sleep all I can picture is I'm greeting him at arrival gate. Over and over again. I never get bored and tired.

All I want is the day to come faster. I don't care that I have a mid-term paper to submit that day, I don't care my job search was in stagnant phase and my house in a mess. I want him badly.

Heart can hold the emotions to some extend and after that it just can't take it no more. It want it now and it want it badly. Not only heart but the whole body, every cells, every nerves and every thought wants him badly.

And I hate this project management course that take single hour and day of my life. For some reason I feel nak muntah dengan project management ni. That's remind me I have another meeting tonight. 4 days in the row right now. Crazy shit.

Miss them so much

2009-09-23T09:41:00.005+08:00

I missed these 2 favourite guys of mine.

One is coming in a month I hope and the one I'm not sure when I ever gonna see him.

Cepat la datang!

Salam Aidil Fitri

2009-09-17T11:23:00.002+08:00

Raya is approaching. First time in my life I celebrate Raya without any family member with me. What sadden me most, this is my second Raya as a wife but my husband is not with me. But nevermind, InsyaAllah next year there will be another Raya for us.

So this year no new baju raya for me. Accidently I'm planning to wear the same baju raya as last year. Well, biarlah. Since no baju raya, so I thought maybe I can buy raya shoes. I saw one last 2 weeks, Aldo has a sale and it's rare that the heel height was perfect for me. But, there's no size for me. They volunteered to order for me but I don't want that the ordered size was not right for me. So I passed. When I think about it, I could just let them ordered and bought it. If it's not ok, I can always return that shoes. Since then, I didn't see any shoes that I like. Yeah, I know, I'm very fussy in buying my shoes. That's why my collection is not as many as normal women would have. Hehe.

Oh, I'm looking forward for dadih that I'm going to cook for Raya. I love dadih and I miss dadih so much. I remember last Ramadhan, I'll buy dadih from bazaar Ramadhan everyday which drive Zainal crazy coz I would asked him to drive to pasar Ramadhan even just for dadih only. That's before I discovered how easy and cheap cooking your own dadih (which is after Raya). So when I knew it, as you can guess, 1/4 of our fridge was filled with dadih. At some point, we have to throw away coz it has turned bad. Huhu.

Lastly, I would like to wish everybody Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri. Maaf Zahir & Batin ye...

The Making of a Great Bed

2009-09-03T09:41:00.004+08:00

When I said it's a great bed, it is because I assembled them alone. The steps of assembling it was pretty easy. But when you do it alone with heavy oak that weighs like tonnes, it become very challenging. I had to use a tissue box as a wedge to level the frame so that it would be easily screwed. A good engineer would said that it was one stupid idea as the tissue box managed to hold it for good 5 minutes before it decided that it's too much to handle. Hehe.

The second challenging aspect of this process that deserved a post on his own that I need to finish it before break fast and at that time it was already 7 pm. I managed to finish it on time but the consequences was I have to eat frozen pizza for breakfast and Maggi for sahur.

The pieces that ready to be assembled by the great engineer-not-in-practice. Haha.The finished product. A full size bed. It's a very good deal that I get from Duke librarian that wanted to get rid of this thing from her house. The mattress is still firm and comfortable. It felt like never been used. But don't worry, I'll be using it a lot.

The bed with my new 100% Egyptian cotton and 320 thread count bed sheet. I love white colour bed sheet because it looked so tempting to get on the bed and sleep. The brown comforter match the carpet accidently. Hehe. I'll find a matching duvet cover soon. =)

Credit to William for helping me carried this to my room. And driving U-Haul truck without a license. And showed me how easy to drive a truck. I wish a have a picture of myself driving it. Hehe.

Luahan

2009-09-02T06:06:00.002+08:00

I have no time to cook for iftar or sahur. But if I don't cook, I don't eat. I don't want to eat Maggi & frozen pizza like yesterday. But assignments need to send tomorrow.

I wish I had somebody to help me out right now.

Salam Ramadhan

2009-08-28T09:48:00.003+08:00

This is not the first time I'm not fasting in Malaysia. But this is the first time I fast alone. Like with no family members or roommates or housemates to share iftar and sahur.

The last 5 days I was strong. I took it as dinner and during sahur I too sleepy to think. But today, my heroic self cracked. I felt so lonely. I wish I was eating with someone. It's impossible to wish that I can break my fast with my husband or family at this time but having someone to eat with would be something possible. Today, even Chuck couldn't take my loneliness away. He always teman me eating my iftar.

Again, this semester, there's no Muslim Malaysian aka Malay in Duke that I knew of. After Dian went back to Malaysia (after I only knew her 2 months before Spring Semester ended), I'm the sole survivor in Duke.

Well, I know I can do this. I'm going to Raleigh tomorrow after 'Night with Industries' event. At least there are a lot of Malaysians someone to break the fast with.

Oh, I wish all my friends Salam Ramadhan Al-Mubarak. May this month bring more goodness in us and chance to us to ibadah more.

Ps: I missed going to terawih with my husband. =( And I missed Bazaar Ramadhan too... but not as much as I missed him.

I wish for this feeling again

2009-08-25T03:26:00.003+08:00

With regulator in the mouth, trusting my whole life on this small device and heavy tank behind my back, I slowly let go myself backward into the water. For the moment, everything was very confusing. All I heard was my breathing, with small bubbles in front of me and vast of blue water surround me. I was on my head down and slowly my body turned automatically and my head up again while I resurfaced. Having said that, that's the most beautiful feeling I had.

When everything made sense again, slowly I sank again. This time I was aware of everything around me. The small creatures that I saw on the surface enlarging every few seconds. Within seconds, I was facing them face to face.

As I glided slowly, kicking my legs constantly, I was lost in this magical kingdom. Everything seems surreal; so many colours and so many species. I praised Almighty for this His creations.

Without I knew it, I lost in this beautiful moment. Every single species was my first time. encounter. I awed at their beauty and they finesse. They swam at their own pace and ignored my presence. I felt like I was one of them. At that moment, I never felt so calm in this eerie silence open space. For once I wish I could stay longer and enjoy every minutes of it.

Then the signal that my time in this heaven on earth was up was shown. While I slowly submerged to the surface, I wept sad goodbye to this place. I promised to come again and hopefully they will wait for me without changing any of these.

As I surfaced, large waves pushed me around. Suddenly this whole ocean felt overwhelming and I felt like an ant drowning in a cup of water. I saw my destination and swam with all my energy. But the waves continuously pushing me away. I worked extra hard. In the last few steps to my destination, the tank that I trust my life with has become a liability for me to achieve my destination. I realized that was the real life I was facing throughout all my life and not the magical kingdom that I just left few moments ago.

End of 2nd internship

2009-08-09T00:04:00.004+08:00

I ended my 1.5 months internship last Tuesday. This time around was different. Back then when I was in my undergraduate years and first time doing internship, my objectives and view of working world was different. Now with 2 years experience in my pocket, my main objective was completely different.

Strangely I didn't miss anything about this internship. Except free flow of Milo and occasionally free ice-cream. I was parked in Operations department in HQ. I had experience working with production people before and all I can said that they are different species from other departments. In a good or bad way, I won't say. They have to deal with all kind and level of people, machines and expectations. So they have special capabilities to balance and survive in that condition. The capabilities that I haven't mastered yet especially when my natural personalities quite opposite of that capabilities. Maybe I wasn't meant for production.

However, having to witness two different level of manufacturing company; one is the largest pharmaceutical company in Malaysia and one is the largest food manufacturing company in the world was a priceless experience. I only toured one day of the latter's factory to find the huge gap in the management system of the production line. No wonder they are the largest in the world while the other one struggling to stay on top in Malaysia.

This is what I like about internship. You be able to find out what is like to work in a company without actually being commit to work there permanently. You'll get to learn the whole company structures from inside and experience the environment to judge whether you want to work there someday or not. But the downside of it, you'll be bullied around and will not taken seriously.

The experience from my first internship had made me reluctant to work there after I graduated even though my ex-boss asked me to send resume and come for interview on my last semester. But this second internship, I'll be glad to join the company after I end my study. The funny thing I realized while doing this second internship was that at the end of 2nd week of internship, I achieve every objectives that I set before starting it which was so different during the first internship where I wanted to learn everything which sometimes I didn't even know what I wanted to know.

However, there were few things that I really missed when this latest internship ended. I missed the daily commute with my husband, daily lunch and occasional peek from him when he came to 4th floor. I missed his unexpected visit to my desk with nasi lemak or Kit Kat to share with me. I missed the walk to nasi lemak stall every morning for breakfast while talking and sharing stories. This internship was perfect for me. I get to learn new experince at the same time I can spend more time with my husband.

I wish for more time with him but I have to fly again this Thursday.

Not ready

2009-08-03T23:26:00.002+08:00

10 more days...

Everything still in chaos.

Still no house to stay.

Don't feel like going back again.

I'm not ready at all.

Then again, was I ever ready before?

My own camera case

2009-07-22T21:51:00.007+08:00

Project no 2 done. My own camera case / bag. Actually I really need a camera case since the one that I got for free was terrible. Why? First of all, it has 'Konica' brand in front of it. I don't think Konica produced digital camera. All I can remember about Konica is their 35mm film. Secondly which is the worst one is the free camera case actually shredding and the tiny shredded black thing stuck at my camera. It really pissed me off.

I wanted to buy a new one but I found nothing that I like. They are either too small to fit my camera or too expensive and bulky which I don't like. So after succesfully sewing my own laptop sleeve, I thought why not sewing my own camera case.

After procrastinated about more than 1 week, on one lazy Sunday, I decided to finish up the camera case. I took me around 2 hours to finish it. Introducing my camera bag..

I really like the fabric design that I used it for outside and inside. I bought this fabric at IKEA. This time I only used fleece fabric as middle cushion without addition sponge which made my sewing life so much easier.

What I really really like about this is I can wear it to look like it's a sling bag. So I don't look like a tourist with big bulky camera bag. It's also can be keep in the handbag if I just want to carry the camera without it as it's slim yet thick enough to protect the camera.
However, I forgot to make a zip pocket at the back of the bag. I already bought the zipper and studied how to sew it. But then 1 hour after I finished this bag, then I realized, where the hell is my pocket? Damn. It's ok, I think I'll hand sew it. I want a pocket to put additional memory card and battery (not that I have it, but for future usage).

Finally, my favourite part of this bag....
Personalize with my hubby and my name!! (I put his name in front coz I found out his one is neater than my name. Ceh.)

Anyone want one?